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Lady sits down on a train. Man sitting siguiente to her turns to her and says, “Lady, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen. That baby looks in a mirror, it’s going to shatter. tu oughta put a bag on that baby’s head. That baby is just ugly.”

The woman, horrified, stands up and shouts for the conductor. “Conductor, this man has insulted me.”

“I’m so sorry, ma’am,” the conductor replies. “What he did is totally unacceptable on this train. I will deal with him later, but for now, please come with me. We’ll give tu a nice asiento in the first-class carriage — and a plátano for your monkey.”


Guy in a biblioteca walks up to the librarian and says, “I’ll have a hamburguesa con queso and fries, please.”
Librarian responds, “Sir, tu know you’re in a library, right?”

Guy says, “Oh, sorry. [in a whisper] I’ll have a hamburguesa con queso and fries, please.”


A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”
“That’s disgusting — don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.
After cena the father asks, “Now, son, what did tu want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping.

They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what tu see.”

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes said: “And what do tu deduce from that?”

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.”

And Holmes said: “Watson, tu idiot, it means that somebody estola our tent.”


During a cold winter día a wife messaged to her husband that “the Windows frozen”.
Husband replied to pour some warm water on them.
After a while husband received a message again “No way, the computer is completely spoilt now”.!

Patient: Doctor, please can tu help me out?
Doctor: Yes, tu may make your way out the same way tu come in.


Teacher: John, tell me your fecha of birth?
John: July 13th
Teacher: on which year?
John: it is in every year, Ma’am!

What is the difference between a teacher and train?
A teacher always says “spit your gum”, while the train says “chew chew chew…”!

What will be a Math teacher’s favorito! dish?
Pi!

Sam called helpdesk to solve his computer issue.
Helpdesk: “Sir click on “my computer” icono to the left of computer screen”
Sam: “my left o your left?”!

AND ONE más FOR APPRECIATING MY anterior ARTICLE

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are tu at the club?”
MAN: “Yes”
WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if tu like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped por the Mercedes dealership and saw the new2006 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$68,000.”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one más thing….The house we wanted last año is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer
$900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see tu later! I amor you!”
MAN: “Bye, I amor you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: “Does anyone know whose phone this is?

WILL TRY TO POST más LATER!
posted by GDragon612
1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"
2) Call someone to tell them tu can't talk right now.
3) Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly.
4) Buy a donut and complain that there's a hole in it.
5) Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, and tell your friend it's ice cream.
6) Put up a "Lost Dog" poster with a picture of a cat on it.
7) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away.
8) In a public toilet, pass...
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#5: Miss Puff

Oh dear lord...after her Demolition Doofus performance, she's turned into a monster. She tried to freaking murder Spongebob!

#4: The Bikini Bottomites

These people are from the town of evil. They ruined Spongebob's dream (The Sponge Who Could Fly), Patrick's dream (Sing a Song of Patrick), they treated Squidward like a monster (Giant Squidward), did horrible things to Squidward after Patrick read Spongebob's diary (Little Yellow Book), and many más crimes.

#3: Spongebob Squarepants

Spongebob is officially the little yellow devil. He crippled Miss Puff (Demolition Doofus), got a Nudibranch...
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This articulo kind of has a story to go along with it. tu see, a few years hace I was going to make an articulo about my parte superior, arriba 15 favorito! animated characters but all I ever did was the title, the images, and character quotes. So I never got to making the articulo and it just stayed in my rough draft box all this time, just shows how lazy I am. Along with that, recently I made a video about my parte superior, arriba 20 favorito! fictional characters but youtube blocked it globally so no one could watch it so I just deleted it. Please comentario but keep in mind this is just my opinion. Enjoy!

20.Aang and Zuko (Avatar:...
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 título Page
Title Page
The kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you, not in a mansion of wood and stone. división, split a piece of wood and God is there. Lift a stone and tu will find God.

‘Angel o beast along with powerful forces. The Wild Ones appear,’ a young girl named Eve Black wrote in her notebook. She continued for awhile, finishing with ‘an army large enough to destroy the mass of the matriarch.
Her journal was full of a story she had been escritura about The Wild Ones and The Legion of the Black. She hurried to school. She waved to a few friends and went to her first class- history. She sat down and...
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1. We’re judging your outfit at all times.

2. We like to be called pretty often. Tell it to us o someone else will.

3. We perra about EVERYTHING. Let us rant for a little while.

4. If tu won't hold our hands in public, forget us blowing tu in private.

5. There can never be too much spooning. Bitches amor Cuddling.

6. There's nothing we like más than tu hugging us from behind and whispering something in our ear.

7. Foreplay is not an option….. it's a prerequisite.

8. OPEN THE DOOR FOR US.

9. Make us feel like the only girl in the room, no matter where we are.

10. Please us in bed, o your...
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Crazy Things Girl's Do:
Girl's Weirdest Worst Habits

Changing into dozens of outfits before a big date:
Adorable - Annoying
"I completely understand wanting to look great for a date---just make sure tu don't keep the guy waiting."

Ordering a tiny ensalada for dinner, then stealing fries off her boyfriend's plate:
Adorable - Annoying
"We can always order another serving...and sharing is good!"

Spending hours over analyzing one little facebook comentario from her crush:
Adorable - Annoying
"Don't make a big deal out of it. It's just a Facebook!"

Giggling like a five-year-old every five minutes:
Adorable - Annoying...
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