She loved him. She’d always known this. Ever since they’d first started talking to each other. It’s why she could never leave when countless opportunities had presented themselves. Even though she knew, without a doubt, it would be the smartest thing to do. Make her life much easier to not get caught up in something that could one día break her corazón o someone else’s. But she’d always stayed with him. She just didn’t know how much longer she’d be able to make that decision.
She’d never been with anyone like him. They were always talking. Even in the beginning, when she’d never understood her need to be so connected with him, to want to know where he was going, what he was doing, how he was feeling. He understood her like no one had before. And he’d let her get closer to him than anyone he’d ever known. They always helped each other out. Could always put the other in a good mood when nothing seemed to be going right. She was always amazed with his patience with her. She knew she wasn’t always easy for him to deal with. But he’d never left her hanging, even on those late nights when she just couldn’t oso, oso de to let him hang up. Even when she’d work herself into a mood over something that happened before her, although she knew he didn’t do anything wrong and he’d never betray her. She loved him for that.
She was always the selfish one. She’d always known this, but had never fully understood why. He was always más concerned with her, saying that he was only okay if she was. Always wanting her to be happy. He reminded her of this frequently, that it was all he wanted to do. She knew this. And yet, she wasn’t sure if she could give it to him in return. She’d always known in the back of her mind how this was going to play out. But she’d never wanted to believe it. Would just push it aside and focus on her happy present with him. But she knew one día that she’d have to face it and make the decision she knew she’d have to. To give up the greatest amor she’d ever known.
She could still remember that night clearly. The night she left him. She had no idea beforehand what she was going to do, was surprised as much as he was. It was just like any other time he’d come over to visit. They went up to her room and talked as he held her close. She loved it when he held her. The feeling of his arms around her. Nothing had ever brought her such happiness. Except when he’d whisper “I amor you” in her ear and make her giggle. She always hated when he’d have to let go. Always wished that she could stop time right there, in that moment with him. But they never could. As they continued talking, the conversation turned to the future. She wasn’t sure why she’d always brought that up, perhaps she just liked imagining an unlikely future with him and reassuring him of how much she’d always amor him. She was always selfish enough to want to ask him to stay as her friend, nothing more, even though she knew he might not be able to handle that. But she knew he’d try, if that was what she wanted.
She had finally made the inevitable decision. To break his heart, as well as her own. As she fell to pieces over what she’d just done, she found herself being cradled to his shoulder as he tried to stop the flow of tears down her face. más concerned with her, as always. Wanting her to be ok, even though she knew he wasn’t. He was too good for her, so perfect and sweet, and she dicho this. She knew that might not have been the best thing to say to him, it would only make him wonder what could possibly make her do this to him. But he knew. He’d always known. And had still always hoped she wouldn’t.
She’d always wondered if she’d made the wrong decision. And yet, she knew she hadn’t. She knew that if she were ever to come back to him, it needed to be the right way. Without regrets and always wondering “what if?”. If it was meant to be with him, she would find her way back. She knew she would. If he would still take her.
She remembered it had been raining that night. A smile played across her face. She always had to smile when it rained. Not just because she’d always loved it, but because she’d made him come to amor it too. Because she knew he always thought of her when it rained. And right then, she wished she was still in his arms. Like that last night. They’d stayed there, holding each other, for a long time in silence, just him stroking her hair and besar the parte superior, arriba of her head. Eventually she’d asked what he was thinking. Of course he just gave her that silly little headshake like always. But this time she didn’t press for more. Just brought her hand up to stroke his face and give him a sweet kiss. It nearly broke her corazón again when she felt his tears coming down.
“I’ll always amor you. tu know that, right?” she’d said.
“Yeah . . . I know.”
She breathed him in one last time as they kissed once más and got up to make their way to the front door, where she knew she’d have to say her final goodbye. She stared at him as she waited for his eyes to finally meet hers. And when they did, he gave her a smile. One that completely melted her corazón and made her lean in for one last kiss. He really loved her. And he wasn’t upset with her either. She could feel it. She smiled as he grabbed her hand and kissed it, just as he had done dozens of times before. Then as he started to walk away, he turned around one más time and dicho something she would never forget:
“I’ll always wait for you. Just in case.”
She still saw him, from time to time. Sometimes in person, but she’d mostly be teased por dreams of him. In her weaker moments, she’d talk to him and let him back into her life for awhile, because he was the only person who would really understand her and listen to what she had to say. She always loved hearing his voice, but always felt horrible for restoring his hope each time for something that was almost impossible.
She loved him. And just as she’d told him, she always would, to some degree. And she knew if she ever wanted to go back to him, he would gladly take her in a heartbeat. Because she knew he would always be waiting. Just in case.