Now, I have seen some serious shit when it comes to movies. Just because there are so many amazing cine out there doesn’t mean that all of them are amazing. Hell, some of them are the biggest pile of shit ever to rise from Satan’s toilet bowl. So, I am going to tell tu all the worst cine I have ever seen. First off, these have to be cine that I have seen, so no comida Fight, Biodome, o any of the animated titanic movies. However, trust me, there are some real bad choices on this list. Also, forget about seeing The Wicker Man, Birdemic, and The Room on this list, because at least those cine make me laugh. The cine on the lista just anger me. Now, with all that said, lets start the list.
#10: The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat - Now, this movie was designed to be the first adult cartoon. Sadly, it was also the first adult cartoon that sucked. Basically, this movie is a goddamn furry cartoon. That’s right, this was the movie that started furry porn… I’m so glad that America made such amazing blockbusters like this FUCKING thing. Seriously, all this movie is is about some depressed pot smoking sex maniac, except he’s a cat. And that’s it. That is literally, word for word, the entire movie. There is literally nothing más to say that can make me even a little bit interested in this movie. Also, this movie tries to be as offensive as it can possibly be. All of the police in this movie are just anthropomorphic pigs. Ha ha ha ha ha, that is just SOOO FUCKING CLEVER, MOVIE!
#9: Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel - Fuck this movie for trying to be a bigger robber of people’s money than actual robbers. The first movie sucked enough, but then the segundo one came along, and, por god, I felt like my fucking sanity was being smashed with a hammer. I mean, did we really need a gender swap of the chipmunks? Did we really need to see them go to school? Did we really need a half assed story that makes Showgirls look like Casablanca? DID WE REALLY NEED THIS FUCKING SEQUEL!? The CJI is pointless, and the high pitched voices makes it feel like my ears are bleeding. Also, all of the pop culture references. I swear to god, I could write a book on how many references were in these movies… Than I will proceed to beat myself in the head with dicho book until I am unconscious.
#8: Epic Movie - Trust me, this isn’t gonna be the last Jason Fritzberg movie that will be on this list. Now, this movie is just fucking stupid. From what I can get, these guys from Europe, Mexico, a plane, and Xavier’s School for the Gifted, go to Willy Wonka’s chocolate Factory, then end up in the world of Narnia, then train at Hogwarts and one of them meets Jack Sparrow, and then there borat comes out of fucking nowhere- I know it all just sounds like I am trying to say the most misceláneo thing in the world, but trust me, that is actually the whole movie. And it is fucking stupid. It tries way too hard to make people laugh, but it fails miserably. The jokes range from eating shit, to pissing on snow, to sexual assault, to seeing a male penis flop around. Yep, not even Caddyshack could compare to this fucking amount of comedy genius. Let me remind you, there are gonna be más cine por this writer. Yeah, I’m scared too
#7: Son of the Mask - Now, The Mask was an amazing movie, starring Jim Carrey, so as tu can tell, this movie was just made for him. Sadly though, he is nowhere in the sequel. That is probably where everyone lost faith in this movie. This movie fails as a comedy, as Jim Carrey was a perfect sort of crazy character. The new main character isn’t as crazy, as funny, o even as good as Carrey, so it is hard to find it enjoyable. It’s más annoying, if anything. Not to mention, even though this movie is made for kids, it is honestly one of the scariest things tu can mostrar your kids. Not to mention, the story is stupid. Loki is looking for the Mask. Okay, then, where the fuck was he in the first movie? Also, now there is a psychotic baby. Yeah, because every sequel to comedies needs a baby for some stupid fucking reason. Trust me, just watch the first movie, it’s ten times better.
#6: Jack and Jill - So…. its an Adam Sandler film… Already, I can see the problem. Now, I don’t hate Adam Sandler. He can be funny when he wants to, like in The Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates, and puñetazo, ponche Drunk Love… Sadly, he is mostly obnoxious, annoying, and not funny. And this movie proves he didn’t learn a fucking thing from his past disasters. This movie is not funny… AT ALL! Having two Adam Sandlers doesn’t make it a good movie. In fact, it just makes it terrible. The comedy, if tu really want to call it that, is so awful, that a plank of wood would be más funny. This is easily the segundo worst thing Adam Sandler has ever been a part of… The FIRST?!
#5: Eight Crazy Nights - tu have no idea how horrible this movie is. This movie seems as though it was genetically designed to be the stupidest thing ever made. The comedy is something that not even a 3-year-old would laugh at. Seriously, there are scenes where people get covered in shit, people have three breasts, people have hair on their asses that are white as hell. It is just a fucking disaster to look at. Not to mention, this is the only movie out there that is made to celebrate Hanukkah. I am sure the Jewish people are really offended por this piece of shit. I honestly can’t blame them. The only reason anyone, anywhere, would watch this crap is the animation. It’s so goddamn insulting that animación this beautiful has to be used in such ugly fucking ways. cine like this are why no one likes Adam Sandler movies
#4: Meet the Spartans - Now, this is another Jason Fritzberg movie… yeah, because we just needed another one of those. This is a spoof of the 300 movie, which is a movie that has been milked over and over again for parody films. People need to stop making parodies of it, because they all suck. But none even come close to Meet the Spartans. First off, this movie is worse than Epic Movie. Were off to a GREAT fucking start. This movie relies too much in offending homosexuals. I mean, the running joke is that everyone in the Spartan army is a closet homosexual. It wasn’t funny from the start, but tu keep seeing it over and over and OVER! And then there are all the god awful scenes with product placements. Such as Gatorade, Red Bull, Hurtz Donuts, and more. Is it funny? FUCK NO! Does the movie keep doing it, even when it knows it isn’t funny? FUCK YES! Seriously, how the fuck could Fritzberg do worse than this… Well
#3: Disaster Movie - Oh yeah, a perfectly appropriate title, if tu ask me. This movie is literally a fucking disaster. All this movie does is take all the scenes from disaster cine and put them in this movie. And there are just SO MUCH stupid scenes. tu have the princess from encantada come out of fucking nowhere, than Iron Man, the Chipmunks (Oh god, not them again), and the amor Guru, another terrible movie that is an honorable mention for this list. Also, the worst thing about this movie, is that this movie, this major piece of shit, is actually a fucking rip-off of a movie called Disaster, and that movie wasn’t even that good either. This movie goes and rips-off a terrible movie and expects to be good? No! Just No! Everyone, if tu see a movie that is made por Jason Fritzberg, toss it in the fucking trash
#2: batman and Robin - Now, after Shoemaker got the rights to make batman movies, we all thought that this was gonna be cool… Oh, we were wrong. We were DEAD wrong. Sure, this movie may have a bunch of A lista actors, but even they couldn’t save this travesty. Basically, this movie has más stupid puns than the Super Mario Bros cartoon, and that is really saying something. These one liners get so goddamn annoying, that it makes tu feel like your IQ is dropping every time tu hear them. por the time the movie is over, you’ll be a vegetable. Also… the Bat Credit Card… tu have no idea how much that hurt batman fans everywhere.
#1: Where the Dead Go to Die - How could this not be number one? This was the only movie that I thought was so bad, that I actually had to review it, even though I don’t do movies. But, this movie is just bad. Like, really bad. The animación looks so goddamn terrible, that is makes CJI on the Dreamcast look like fucking Pixars. The actuación is so goddamn awful, that tu can just feel them not trying. And the story… WHAT STORY!? This movie has no fucking story. All it tries to do is disturb the fuck out of tu to no end. It has everything, let me repeat that, EVERYTHING, that is wrong with the world. Satanism, nudity, murder, abortions, insulting religion, bestiality, necrophilia, murder, drug addiction, prostitution, child abuse, pedophilia, torture, child pronography. tu NAME IT! This movie will try to assault your eyes and your mind with horrible imagery and sound. And, the worst part, the fucking WORST part, is that the creator of this piece of shit actually tried to pass this shit off as a comedy. No, comedy is where someone laughs. THIS IS JUST FUCKING INSANITY! No one, anywhere, would even grin at this. You’d have to be a special kind of insane to get even some enjoyment out of this. I don’t know who thought this was an okay thing to mostrar to people, but, whoever tu are, stay FAR the fuck away from me.
So, there tu have it. Did tu agree with the list. Tell me what tu thought of it below. With that, I will see tu all siguiente time
#10: The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat - Now, this movie was designed to be the first adult cartoon. Sadly, it was also the first adult cartoon that sucked. Basically, this movie is a goddamn furry cartoon. That’s right, this was the movie that started furry porn… I’m so glad that America made such amazing blockbusters like this FUCKING thing. Seriously, all this movie is is about some depressed pot smoking sex maniac, except he’s a cat. And that’s it. That is literally, word for word, the entire movie. There is literally nothing más to say that can make me even a little bit interested in this movie. Also, this movie tries to be as offensive as it can possibly be. All of the police in this movie are just anthropomorphic pigs. Ha ha ha ha ha, that is just SOOO FUCKING CLEVER, MOVIE!
#9: Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel - Fuck this movie for trying to be a bigger robber of people’s money than actual robbers. The first movie sucked enough, but then the segundo one came along, and, por god, I felt like my fucking sanity was being smashed with a hammer. I mean, did we really need a gender swap of the chipmunks? Did we really need to see them go to school? Did we really need a half assed story that makes Showgirls look like Casablanca? DID WE REALLY NEED THIS FUCKING SEQUEL!? The CJI is pointless, and the high pitched voices makes it feel like my ears are bleeding. Also, all of the pop culture references. I swear to god, I could write a book on how many references were in these movies… Than I will proceed to beat myself in the head with dicho book until I am unconscious.
#8: Epic Movie - Trust me, this isn’t gonna be the last Jason Fritzberg movie that will be on this list. Now, this movie is just fucking stupid. From what I can get, these guys from Europe, Mexico, a plane, and Xavier’s School for the Gifted, go to Willy Wonka’s chocolate Factory, then end up in the world of Narnia, then train at Hogwarts and one of them meets Jack Sparrow, and then there borat comes out of fucking nowhere- I know it all just sounds like I am trying to say the most misceláneo thing in the world, but trust me, that is actually the whole movie. And it is fucking stupid. It tries way too hard to make people laugh, but it fails miserably. The jokes range from eating shit, to pissing on snow, to sexual assault, to seeing a male penis flop around. Yep, not even Caddyshack could compare to this fucking amount of comedy genius. Let me remind you, there are gonna be más cine por this writer. Yeah, I’m scared too
#7: Son of the Mask - Now, The Mask was an amazing movie, starring Jim Carrey, so as tu can tell, this movie was just made for him. Sadly though, he is nowhere in the sequel. That is probably where everyone lost faith in this movie. This movie fails as a comedy, as Jim Carrey was a perfect sort of crazy character. The new main character isn’t as crazy, as funny, o even as good as Carrey, so it is hard to find it enjoyable. It’s más annoying, if anything. Not to mention, even though this movie is made for kids, it is honestly one of the scariest things tu can mostrar your kids. Not to mention, the story is stupid. Loki is looking for the Mask. Okay, then, where the fuck was he in the first movie? Also, now there is a psychotic baby. Yeah, because every sequel to comedies needs a baby for some stupid fucking reason. Trust me, just watch the first movie, it’s ten times better.
#6: Jack and Jill - So…. its an Adam Sandler film… Already, I can see the problem. Now, I don’t hate Adam Sandler. He can be funny when he wants to, like in The Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates, and puñetazo, ponche Drunk Love… Sadly, he is mostly obnoxious, annoying, and not funny. And this movie proves he didn’t learn a fucking thing from his past disasters. This movie is not funny… AT ALL! Having two Adam Sandlers doesn’t make it a good movie. In fact, it just makes it terrible. The comedy, if tu really want to call it that, is so awful, that a plank of wood would be más funny. This is easily the segundo worst thing Adam Sandler has ever been a part of… The FIRST?!
#5: Eight Crazy Nights - tu have no idea how horrible this movie is. This movie seems as though it was genetically designed to be the stupidest thing ever made. The comedy is something that not even a 3-year-old would laugh at. Seriously, there are scenes where people get covered in shit, people have three breasts, people have hair on their asses that are white as hell. It is just a fucking disaster to look at. Not to mention, this is the only movie out there that is made to celebrate Hanukkah. I am sure the Jewish people are really offended por this piece of shit. I honestly can’t blame them. The only reason anyone, anywhere, would watch this crap is the animation. It’s so goddamn insulting that animación this beautiful has to be used in such ugly fucking ways. cine like this are why no one likes Adam Sandler movies
#4: Meet the Spartans - Now, this is another Jason Fritzberg movie… yeah, because we just needed another one of those. This is a spoof of the 300 movie, which is a movie that has been milked over and over again for parody films. People need to stop making parodies of it, because they all suck. But none even come close to Meet the Spartans. First off, this movie is worse than Epic Movie. Were off to a GREAT fucking start. This movie relies too much in offending homosexuals. I mean, the running joke is that everyone in the Spartan army is a closet homosexual. It wasn’t funny from the start, but tu keep seeing it over and over and OVER! And then there are all the god awful scenes with product placements. Such as Gatorade, Red Bull, Hurtz Donuts, and more. Is it funny? FUCK NO! Does the movie keep doing it, even when it knows it isn’t funny? FUCK YES! Seriously, how the fuck could Fritzberg do worse than this… Well
#3: Disaster Movie - Oh yeah, a perfectly appropriate title, if tu ask me. This movie is literally a fucking disaster. All this movie does is take all the scenes from disaster cine and put them in this movie. And there are just SO MUCH stupid scenes. tu have the princess from encantada come out of fucking nowhere, than Iron Man, the Chipmunks (Oh god, not them again), and the amor Guru, another terrible movie that is an honorable mention for this list. Also, the worst thing about this movie, is that this movie, this major piece of shit, is actually a fucking rip-off of a movie called Disaster, and that movie wasn’t even that good either. This movie goes and rips-off a terrible movie and expects to be good? No! Just No! Everyone, if tu see a movie that is made por Jason Fritzberg, toss it in the fucking trash
#2: batman and Robin - Now, after Shoemaker got the rights to make batman movies, we all thought that this was gonna be cool… Oh, we were wrong. We were DEAD wrong. Sure, this movie may have a bunch of A lista actors, but even they couldn’t save this travesty. Basically, this movie has más stupid puns than the Super Mario Bros cartoon, and that is really saying something. These one liners get so goddamn annoying, that it makes tu feel like your IQ is dropping every time tu hear them. por the time the movie is over, you’ll be a vegetable. Also… the Bat Credit Card… tu have no idea how much that hurt batman fans everywhere.
#1: Where the Dead Go to Die - How could this not be number one? This was the only movie that I thought was so bad, that I actually had to review it, even though I don’t do movies. But, this movie is just bad. Like, really bad. The animación looks so goddamn terrible, that is makes CJI on the Dreamcast look like fucking Pixars. The actuación is so goddamn awful, that tu can just feel them not trying. And the story… WHAT STORY!? This movie has no fucking story. All it tries to do is disturb the fuck out of tu to no end. It has everything, let me repeat that, EVERYTHING, that is wrong with the world. Satanism, nudity, murder, abortions, insulting religion, bestiality, necrophilia, murder, drug addiction, prostitution, child abuse, pedophilia, torture, child pronography. tu NAME IT! This movie will try to assault your eyes and your mind with horrible imagery and sound. And, the worst part, the fucking WORST part, is that the creator of this piece of shit actually tried to pass this shit off as a comedy. No, comedy is where someone laughs. THIS IS JUST FUCKING INSANITY! No one, anywhere, would even grin at this. You’d have to be a special kind of insane to get even some enjoyment out of this. I don’t know who thought this was an okay thing to mostrar to people, but, whoever tu are, stay FAR the fuck away from me.
So, there tu have it. Did tu agree with the list. Tell me what tu thought of it below. With that, I will see tu all siguiente time
