This is another chain mail I found, but this one is probably my favourite ever! I can laugh for hours, so enjoy =D
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually dicho in court, word for word, taken down and published por court reporters. Just goes to mostrar how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are tu sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were tu in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: tu forget? Can tu give us an example of something tu forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband dicho to tu that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do tu know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: tu do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the siguiente morning?
WITNESS: Did tu actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were tu present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are tu shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the fecha of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were tu doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are tu for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: por death.
ATTORNEY: And por whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do tu suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can tu describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male o a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have tu performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would tu like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did tu go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do tu recall the time that tu examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the mesa, tabla wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are tu qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are tu qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before tu performed the autopsy, did tu check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did tu check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did tu check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when tu began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can tu be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my escritorio in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually dicho in court, word for word, taken down and published por court reporters. Just goes to mostrar how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are tu sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were tu in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: tu forget? Can tu give us an example of something tu forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband dicho to tu that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do tu know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: tu do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the siguiente morning?
WITNESS: Did tu actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were tu present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are tu shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the fecha of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were tu doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are tu for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: por death.
ATTORNEY: And por whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do tu suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can tu describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male o a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have tu performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would tu like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did tu go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do tu recall the time that tu examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the mesa, tabla wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are tu qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are tu qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before tu performed the autopsy, did tu check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did tu check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did tu check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when tu began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can tu be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my escritorio in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
