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posted by windwakerguy430
Other than horrible gaming journalists not understanding how indie games work, another thing people say is how unfair they can be. Cuphead is unfair because your character only has three hearts on them. Hotline Miami is too hard because enemies can kill tu in one hit. Slime Rancher is too hard because I can’t feed my Slimes in time. But there is a game out there that I can say with slight certainty that it can feel really unfair at times. A game so difficult that it already has me cursing before the game starts. A Bastard’s Tale.



A Bastard’s Tale follows a knight, I’m going to assume he’s the fabled Bastard, as he makes his way through a set of levels in a very slow movement speed, his quest, uncertain, but apparently, people praise him for his efforts after each level. Now if tu play the game right, tu could beat A Bastard’s Tale in sixteen minutes. It is a pretty short game. So why is it that HowLongtoBeat.com says that it takes two hours to beat? Because the game is so damn hard. Now it doesn’t have the difficult bosses like Cuphead o the one hit death mechanic of Hotline Miami, but what it does have is a lot of enemies. Honestly, this game has elements of being forgiving unlike the other two. tu can take way más damage than in either game, and tu can find a bottle of potion to heal up right before the boss. The game gives tu plenty of time to prepare for the worst. So why is it so much harder? Because the controls are so damn confusing. tu have three basic attacks, two side swings, one from the left and one from the right, and tu have a downward slash. tu can also block from these directions if tu hold the shoulder button. It’s this mechanic that makes A Bastard’s Tale so tough. Enemies hold their weapons out to block, and tu gotta oscilación at them in the right way. I always found swinging downward when they hold their weapons in any other direction the easiest since I can never really tell which side their blocking from. tu gotta master these controls as soon as possible, because an enemy can really mess tu up in seconds. They give little cool down time and are ready to oscilación again in seconds, and while tu do have a health bar, they can drain it just as fast. While I did find some of the ways the game can get tu killed pretty humorous, like a knight flinging his spear into the air after tu kill him only to fall back and kill you. That’s kinda funny, like a Monty pitón, python thing. Sadly, that laughter turns into a groan as I am thrown back to the start. While it feels good to beat a level after dying so many times, tu will die many, many times. I think I died on the first two levels más times than I did on any of the levels of Hotline Miami… combined.
A Bastard’s Tale is tough, and kinda unforgiving with it’s difficulty. I did say that it is unfair, but the ways it does kill tu can be funny if tu can forgive how painfully difficult it is. A Bastard’s Tale is not a terrible game, despite what many of the reviews say for it, but even when tu get passed the insane difficulty, it is a very simple game. I would recommend it for people who like the style o want a hard game… o buy it for a dollar like I did, but tu can find better games that have a huge difficulty to it but has más to it than just difficulty like Hollow Knight, Hotline Miami, Cuphead, and for a más reciente example, Blasphemous.

Up next: How low can your innocence go?
11 year-old Sarah sat in her room.Brown hair.Blue eyes.And black boots."Sarah!Alicia is here!"Mom yelled."Bring her in!"Sarah said."Hey!"Alicia greeted."Ya ready?"She asked."Almost."She snapped the lid on her marker.Alicia whistled."Wo-ow!That's amazing!"She said.Admiring a Drawing of the fat words spelling out "Live.Love.Hope."."Come on!We're late!"Both girls ran outside."Bye mom!"Sarah dicho bounding out the door.The girls met 12 año old Henry at a pacana, nuez de pacana tree."Hey!Step aside!I'll open it!"Sarah said,pushing Henry aside so she could put in the combination."Okay!Come up."Sarah dicho opening...
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1. they will sing his songs

2.they will blush when they here somone say his name o talk about one of his new songs

3.they will have atleast one picture of him

4.gets upset if they cant go to one of his concerts

5. wont be afraid to say hes cool

6.listens to his música every night to go to sleep with

7.will ask tu if tu have heard his new song

8.screams if someone else says i amor justin beiber

9.is always talking about a video they watched of him on youtube

10.will say they hate o amor whatever he does even if they hate it o amor it
I'm stupid.I'm 18 and I'm STILL afraid of tooth fairies.....my cousin(Not ANDY!),Edricle(Ed-ric.cle) use to tell me funny nonsense until one día he came up with this idea the scare me.THE TOOOOOOOOOOTH FAIRY!!!One día when I was watching the TV,he came up to me and said"hey,do u know why do tooth hadas take yr teeth?" I asked"why?"so he said"They take yr teeth and use super glue and glue them together to make dentures for OLD PEOPLE!!!" that kinda freaked me out and whenever I loose a teeth,I'll burry it in the ground at the backyard where my dad does his planting.That's when my dad found...
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There once was a girl named,Josie,Josie had black hair,she was a cop,she was 'bout 19,"Mom!!!WHERES MY PHONE?"Said Josie
"I DON'T KNOW!"Her mom said."FINE!I'll just go to my friend's apartment!WITHOUT CALLING!"Josie argued.
Josie drove to her friend's apartment."Kate!"She saw her friend lay dead on the sofá with blood running down her face."OH MY GOD!HELP!!!!!911!"
- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - --- - ---
1 mes later,Josie tried to find out who killed her best friend.She later found out that she had a sister that was murdered in 1989.Her mom was dating a detective,So he helped her ."Okay,It...
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posted by envyelric
The start and the only chapter: "Oh my god there's a sale on MINISKIRTS Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" "Envy just SHUT UP!!!! tu are a GUY NOT A GIRL!!!!" Lust yells at Envy as he stares at the miniskirt sale sign. "Hey tu bums want simethin o are tu goin to keep starin in my store like a couple of freaks?" "Uh I guess that we can look around." "Come on Lust there is a sale on MINISKIRTS here lets go in and buy some MINISKIRTS!!!!!!!!!" Lust just groans as Envy dragged her in the store. "Um Lust?" "Yeah?" "Why is the Fullmetal Pipsqueak here?" "WHAT?!" "That voice, is that Envy and Lust? Al do tu hear...
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posted by lupichkata
Sorry, if it's too short, but that's all i could think of.
1. Go to him and say "I know what tu did last summer and i'll tell Ron." and see what his reaction is.
2. Poke him with a wand o a stick and when he turns around, pretend it wasn't you.
3. Tell him he has his mother's eyes and his father's package.
4. Laugh hysterically every time he walks in front of tu and when he asks why whisper "I've read your diary." then run away. Still laughing hysterically.
5. Ask him how his parents are.
6. Ask him if Dumbledore has proposed yet.
7. Write an erotic story about Snape and Harry's mom and read it...
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posted by karpach_14
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor por floor, and once tu find what tu are looking for, tu can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling tu what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation mover on to...
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 James
James
cabina for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Nine: James

    I’m James Ricky Reese. I live with my little sister, Cassie, and my older brother (he’s a bum), Greg. I have a hot girlfriend named Chelsea and annoying parents named Kristi and Bobby.
     Anyways, I am canto my favorito! song, 21 pistolas por Green día whenever I hear the all American, annoying Beth scream. It’s not this scared, “It’s a spider” scream. It’s this really excited scream. “OH MY GOD HE’S COMING HERE TONIGHT!” I look over at her and expect her to be jumping up and down...
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cabina for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Seven: Laken


    Hi! I’m Laken Reese Barenshsky. I’m 19 and I live with my parents and my 15 año old brother, Jason. I have the most wonderful, beautiful girlfriend, Tori. She’s pretty, she has long brown hair, that’s naturally curly, brown eyes and her smile is gorgeous, like I’ve just been snapped with the sun! God, she’s sexy.
    “GOALLLLLLLL!” I scream whenever I kick the pera into the side of this contenedor de basura, basurero in the back of the store. Zack grumbles (because he’s a loser!) and we keep kicking this...
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posted by smileypop9
These artículos are gonna be the thoughts on life and stuff, and this is part two.
I did this because I was bored, and because I wanna get my thoughts out.
---------

Rap in one word? Crap.
That's my opinion, so don't bash me.
.
Anyway, I hate that stupid drivel. Yeah ok, sorry kids, that I sound like your mother. But I really think that people who listen to rap could seriously use an update to their tunes.
Why would tu wanna listen to música from people who wear their pants down to their knees, objectify women, and swear 24/7?
There's much better música available.
...
People who listen to rap are kinda...
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The Dr. Z!!
By: moolah
(Note: I’ve changed both me and my friend’s name for privacy. I have also changed the name of the school, and my [math] teacher )
[P.S: For Ellen’s part, I am just guessing what happened when I was in the bathroom!]
True Story.

Scene: Applebee’s
Time: 7:50
Why: My birthday dinner
Who: Tabby(me) and Ellen(my friend)
Tabby’s P.O.V
    I had to go to the bathroom, so my friend Ellen and I went to the Applebee’s bathroom, and I knocked on the one door to a stall. “YES HONEY!” A woman *I think* who sounded strangely like a man laughed as she spoke...
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posted by invadercalliope
Oh-o-o-oa
Oh-o-o-o

Oh-o-o-oa
Oh-o-o-o

Sweet little bumble bee I know what tu want from me
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da
Sweet little bumble bee más than just a fantasy
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da

My corazón skips a beat
When tu walk in the room
I go boom boom boom
You go zoom zoom zoom
You're my playboy, playtoy
Love and my friend
I wanna be with tu until the end

I give my corazón and my soul to you
To make tu see its true
Im so confused, baby, cant tu see
Please come rescue me

Sweet little bumble bee I know what tu want from me
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da
Sweet little bumble...
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The following is a very fake letter! Trust me!

To the people of the future,
    My name is Andrea Reese. I live in Burke Clouds. I live with my mom (Kayla), my dad (George), my cousin (Annie), my two sisters (Ally and Aria). I have a brother (Chance) who is 18 and in collage. He’s nice to me, unlike my friend, Alexis, brother. I amor my family. I go to Franco Bud Rose Middle School. I am happy. But, I have a serious cancer. It has no none cure, no chemo can cure it. I’ve had it for a año and a half and have been alive. My time is limited here, and I wanted to put this...
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posted by invadercalliope
Ingredients:
•4 cups steamed Japanese rice
•strips of dried nori (seaweed)
•salt to taste
•black sesame seeds
•*for fillings:
•ume (pickled plum) / grilled salted salmón (small chunks) / kombu no tsukudani
Preparation:
Cook steamed rice. Put about a half cup of steamed arroz in a arroz bowl. Wet your hands in water so that the arroz won't stick. Rub some salt on your hands. Place the steamed arroz on your hand and put your favorito! filling, such as kombu-no-tsukudani, umeboshi, and grilled salmón on the rice. Push the filling into the arroz lightly. Hold the arroz between your palms. Form the arroz into a round, a triangle, o a cylinder por pressing lightly with your both palms. Roll the arroz ball on your hands a few times, pressing lightly. envolver, abrigo the arroz ball with a strip of nori o sprinkle some sesame seeds on them.
voice: NEW FROM WHAT EVA THIS IS IT IS....... THE WHAT EVER IT IS!!!!!!!! This is made in the USA (china) made totaly por americans (aliens) and it total IS NOT toxic!!!!!

Woman: I got my son the what ever it is for his berthday and he...

voice: LOVED IT!

Girl's friend: tu got the what ever it is?

Girl: ya. And I could not LIVE without my what ever it is.

Girl's friend: what does it do?

Girl: I don't know. But I amor it!

Voice: the what ever it is is only $20 plus $100 shiping and handleing! but if tu call right now we will also send tu a what ever tu call it for double the price even though it is the same thing! we will also double it! Just pay $10000000 más dollers shiping and handleing! tu GET IT ALL!!!!! the what ever it is , the what ever tu call it! CALL NOW!!!

other voice: To get the what ever it it and what ever tu call it have tu credit cards ready and get ready for bankruptsey! CALL NOW!!!
posted by invadercalliope
CALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOO
OOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL!!
HI EVERYONE I'M YOUR HOST INVADER CALLIOPE!
ITS THE THIRD EPISODE!
HURRAY!
TODAYS A VERY SPECAIL día BECAUSE I AFISHALY!
WELL TODAY OUR GUEST estrella IS......GIR!
BUM BUM B BUM!
Invader Calliope: HIIIIIII GIR!
Gir: HI!
Invader Calliope: Thats all tu have to say! HI!
AT LEAST ZIM STAYED IN CHARACTER WHEN HE WAS ON THE SHOW!
Gir: Sorry but it's hard to stay in character and
Invader Calliope: AND!?! gir EVERYONE LOVES tu THE MOST tu HAVE THE MOST fan GIRLS AND ZIM STAYED IN CHARACTER!
Oh no we are out of time good bye now and in joy the suprise picture!
The End!
Ok,Here are thingz that a am interested in!
Enjoy
Ok here are the biggest things i enjoy: Invader Zim,Video Games,Anime,softcore music,yaoi!
Here are some cine i am interested in:Invader Dib,9,The nightmare before x-mas,corpse bride,the ring,paranormal activity,some anime movies,titanic
Here is some música i'm interestes in:Gir,Invader Zim sound track,anime music,theme songs in tv shows,marilyn manson,my chemical romance,tokyo hotel,bella morte,drowning pool,evanescence
Here are some libros i'm interested in:Anything Jhonen Vasquez,Manga,Invader Zim comics,batman comic books,animal books
posted by EmzLovesCheryl
Well, I'm bored, and depressed, so I've decided to lista all the things I hate. Well, all the things I hate that I can think of!


1. Fire.
2. Small spaces.
3. The sound tu get when tu scratch a balloon.
4. Balloons in general. But just the rubbery ones, tu know, not the foily ones? Well I know what I mean anyway. :/
5. Nose bleeds.
6. Clowns.
7. Bullies and bullying.
8. School.
9. Spoilt bitches who think that everything is about them, and don't even think about others' feelings.
10. Seeing a loved one cry.
11. The awkward moments that seem to stalk my life.
12. Witnessing a situation that is nothing to do with you, and knowing that it's not going to end happily.
13. Having to exercise in in the boiling hot sun.
14. Those days when tu just feel like total crap.
15. PE.
16. Sharp knives.
17. pescado fingers.
18. The majority of green vegetables.
19. Being alone outside in the dark.
20. Watching someone suffer.
posted by moodystuff449
Thing are going round and round my head, o maybe my head is going round and round in things. -(Diana Wynne Jones)Howl's Moving Castle

Sophie, I'm dying of boredom in here, o maybe just dying. -(Diana Wynne Jones)Howl's Moving Castle

"You must admit I have a right to live in a pigsty if I want." — Diana Wynne Jones (Howl's Moving Castle)

"’I think we ought to live happily ever after,’ and she thought he meant it. Sophie knew that living happily ever after with Howl would be a good deal más hair-raising than any storybook made it sound, though she was determined to try.

‘It should be hair-raising,’...
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posted by Blackteardrops
*** No offense to any one... Just randomness xD


If I Were a Boy PARODY

If I were a boy I would be gay
My guy liner would serve as a warning
I would fecha Adam Lambert
And he’d call me babe

And we would make out on stage
I'd kiss who I wanted
But I’d probably get confronted
No one would stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I would be gay
I would never fecha a girl
I swear I'd still amor men

I'd watch Glee
'Cause I know it’s really awesome
When tu watch a brand new one
I’d invite my friends over
And I wouldn’t let much change but

If I were a boy
I would be gay
I’d come out of the closet
And I’d push...
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