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posted by XxLalasaysxX
Here are my lista of corny jokes. Now i'm just gonna let tu know now i got alot of these from the youtube channel, vlogbrothers. So check them out too. Prepare to laugh.
(Make sure your not drinking anything o eating anything tu might spit it o something.)

#1 How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.

#2 Why are celsius and farenheit friends?
Because they're fair-in-height. (I came up with that one :)

#3 Why was the escoba late to work?
It overswept!

#4 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bahía they'd be bagels.

#5 What's Michelle Obama's favorito! vegetable?
Barackoli (broccoli)

#6 Why does the seta have so many friends?
Because he's a fungi! (Fun guy)

#7 What do tu call a fake noodle?
An impasta! (Imposter)

#8 How often do i make chemistry jokes?
Periodically.

#9 What do tu call a pencil without lead?
Pointless!

#10 How do tu make an octopus giggle ten times?
tu give him ten-tickles (tenticles)

#11 How do tu make lady gaga cry?
Poker face!

#12 What did Beethoven become when he died?
A decomposer!

#13 What's a chicken's favorito! composer?
Bach!

#14 What did one eye say to the other eye?
"Between tu and me man, something smells." (Your nose)

#15 What did the stamp say to the envelope?
"Stick with me man, we'll go places."

#16 What did the hat say to the hatrack?
"Stay here, I'll go on a-head."

#17 Why can't tu hear a pteradactyl use the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent (the letter p in the name is silent)

#18 Why did the little boy eat his homework?
The teacher dicho it was a piece of cake.

#19 Why did the tomate blush?
It saw the ensalada dressing.

#20 What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
"Ruff!" (Rough)

#21 Why did the man send his phone to school?
He wanted a smartphone (i came up with that one too :)

#22 How do crazy people go through a forest?
They take the psycho path.

#23 How do tu know if it's raining gatos and dogs?
tu step in a poodle (puddle)

#24 How do tu know if a clock is wise?
It goes clockwise (i thought of that)

#25 How do tu get pikachu on a bus?
tu pokémon (pok 'em on)

#26 Why can't tu dress with pikachu in the room?
He'll pikachu (peek at you)

#27 What do tu call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese (so old right?)

#28 How do get holy water?
tu boil the hell out of it!

#29 What starts with "E" ends with "E" but only has one letter in it?
An envelope, duh xD

#30 Why didn't the skeleton cruzar, cruz the road?
He didn't have the guts to.

#31 What did the ghost say to scare the bees?
"BOOOOBEEES!" XD (please don't yell that if your parents are home)

#32 What does an angry pepper do?
It gets jalepeño face! (All up in yo face)

#33 What do tu call an alligator in a vest?
An in- vest-igator investigator

#34 What's rosado, rosa and fluffy?
rosado, rosa fluff
#34.5 what's blue and fluffy? (Think about it)
rosado, rosa fluff holding it's breath.

#35 What happens when tu drink 7 coca colas?
tu burp 7up

#36 Why can't your nose ever be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot.

#37 why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle!

#38 Why was the police man in bed?
He was undercover.

#39 what did one light bulb say to another light bulb?
"Watts up?" (You know li,e the watts that are in a light bulb?)

#40 what did the pescado say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"
LAST ONE!

#41 Why can't tu trust lions?
They be lion to you! (Lying)

Alright so those are my corny jokes. Hope tu liked them. Make sure tu check out vlogbrothers they're really cool. Ciao! And rememeber...
 PewDiePie
PewDiePie
***Lol this was probably a lot funnier to the drunk people who wrote it at three in the morning but.... here tu go xD

Or if you'd just rather check it out on youtube:
link

I wanna be a grizzly bear, so beary bad
Stealin' honey from bees just to make them mad
I wanna live in the forest with, Booboo and Yogi
So we can steal picnic baskets as three

Oh every time I close my eyes...
I see the back of my eyelids
And I bet tu didn't know this
I swear, the world is unprepared for when I'm a Grizzly bear

Yeah I would climb trees like bears do
And probably attack you, not an every day
Hike in the forest
I'd probably...
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*If I had forgetten something else please let me know thanks :) :P*



So, long hace me and my brother Kyle here
We was hitch hiking down a long lone-some road
When all of a sudden, there shined the shining demon..
And he said!
"Play the best song in the world..or I'll eat your souls..."
So we each looked at each other and dicho "OK!"
So we played the song that just so happened to be! The best song in the world! It was the best song in the world! Look into my eyes and its easy to see when a one makes two and two and one makes destiny...
Once every thousand years o so,
Is when the sun dont shine and the...
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This is my lista of cine from best to worst. Please take notice that this articulo is fully based on opinion and isn't meant to persuade readers to like o dislike any of the cine that are listed.

My Favorites: The Best
19. The Little Mermaid III: Ariel's Beginning-So cute and emotionally touching.

18. Alice in Wonderland (1951 disney Version)-The movie is so imaginative and really brings back so many memories.

17. Kung Fu Panda-It's funny as hell!

16. Stitch The Movie-I just find the whole other experiments thing to be really cool.

15. shrek Forever After-"Do The Roar!" haha.

14. The...
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Christian quotes...

"No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God."
- George H.W. arbusto, bush

"ATHEISTS, AGNOSTICS AND NON BELIEVERS ARE THE TRUE CRIMINALS OF THE WORLD COMMUNITY" - tencommandments.org

"How can there be peace when drunkards, drug dealers, communists, atheists, New Age worshipers of Satan, secular humanists ... and homosexuals are on top?"
- Pat Robertson

"... atheism is none other than raw depravity - the diabolical principle at work in people who dishonor their parents, murder, lie and commit...
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posted by ShiningsTar542
The story we have for tu today is one of love, friendship, and how to co-exist.

Salati is a leopard that was adopted por the Brooker family in South Africa. The family helps to rehabilitate animales that are injured. Salati came to the Brooker family when it was just a cub, and instantly became friends with Tommy, a golden retriever. Tommy was also a perrito, cachorro at the time.

tu would think that a friendship between this unlikely pair would be impossible. But no. The two animales connected from the first moment. Now the two animales are fully grown and they are still friends. They spend time together running, playing, sleeping, whatever!

They have left behind the stereotype of cat and dog and found friendship instead.
1)Devise a secret code with your friends then hand in the homework in that code
Continually ask preguntas so that the professor can’t give homework
Answer the teacher’s preguntas in slow motion 2)Answer preguntas only with one word
3)Scream misceláneo words without anybody noticing it’s you
4)Continuously yawn until everyone is yawning
5)Ask your professor personal questions
6)Every time the professor finishes talking clap
7)Eat paper
8)Talk very fast
9)Call the professor “Mom” o “Dad”
10)Count your hair
11)Talk with an accent
12)Answer preguntas in a different language
13)Fake spasms
14)Pretend...
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 Hayley
Hayley
WARNING:The following articulo contains,inappropriate materiel and foreign swearing.


*One día at lunch*

Kara:Sigh.

Bell:What's the matter Kara?

Kara:Well a año ago,I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me with my so called best friend.Ungrateful bitch.

Johnathan:Well tu don't have to worry about that here,I doubt anybody here wants Max.

Everybody:What?

Johnathan:Keep playing dumb Max,keep playing dumb.

Mellisa:I hate you.

Bell:Kara,how about I come over to your place and we do uhh...Girl stuff.

James:Yeah,let's do girl stuff.

Kara:Shut up James tu creepy stalker.

James:W-What?

*Kara pushes James on...
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posted by deathchick9
Over the many years of pikachu,if tu look closely pikachu has been getting thinner and thinner.When it started he was this cute,fat little chunk of Pokemon,but now he's a skinny little freak.Which can only me one thing....Ash has forced him to become bulimic!
*Dramatizations*
____________________________________
Ash:Jeez,Pikachu your so fat!

Pikachu:Pika?

________________________

Ash:Loose some weight tu fat bastard!

Pikachu:Pika?!
_________________________________________

Ash:No stop eating!Your just gonna get fatter!

*Ash shoves his finger down pikachu's throat to make him vomit his comida up.Pikachu...
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posted by gossipgirlxoxo
1. Shave one eyebrow.

2. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring tu food.

3. Spill a lot of cerveza on his/her bed. Swim.

4. Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep them in a baggie. Leave the baggie near your computer and snack from it while studying. If s/he walks by, grab the bag close and eye him/her suspiciously.

5. Stare at your roommate for five minutos out of every hour. Don't say anything, just stare.

6. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.

7. Keep a hámster as a pet. Buy a blender,...
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posted by thespikedturtle
Ugh...

Everywhere around me at school, I see smoking, fighting, and cursing, I think it's ridiculous. Of course, I don't do any of that, I'm the one tu may think of as a nerd. Unfortunately, por today's standards, "being a nerd" actualy means "doing what's right."

I have musical talents, I can't be humble on that. I'm also pretty smart, I hardly ever study, but I've gotten honor roll all my life. When a lot of people think of me, they think of the talents I have, not my personality. And to me, personality is everything, and I think that's the way it was supposed to be. But all that matters today...
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User: I didn't know tu could play Twister all por yourself.


Cleverbot: I didn't know tu could play the cello online either.


User: Cat got your tongue, because there's an extra one here.


Cleverbot: No the dog actually. But close.


User: I for one feel bad for the chicken.


Cleverbot: tu spelled fear wrong...

User: Would a redhead wear a red blouse? That's a rhetorical question.

Cleverbot: Probably, but he o she wouldn't want to admit it.

User: I don't know, I didn't write it down.

Cleverbot: I'm going to copy and paste it so that tu can see that tu di.

User: Too bad it wasn't a learn how to swim patch....
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posted by woowie
Kat: tu spin my head right 'round, right 'round-
Zapnis: DONCHA WISH YO GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME-
Kat: I'D LIKE TO MAKE MYSELF BELIEVE-
Zapnis: I KISSED A GIRL-
Doofenshmirtz: SHUT UP ALREADY! I'M TRYING TO WORK ON MY TOASTINATOR!
*Zim comes in*
Zim: SURRENDER NOW HUMANS!
Kat: Uhh, Zap and I aren't humans, and tu know us-
Zim: Shut up, girl!
Gir: AH LIKE TACOS!
*Mermaidman comes in*
Kat: I WANT YO amor AND I WANT YO REVENGE-
Mermaidman: EEEVIL!
*Bloo from Foster's walks in*
Bloo: AH AM PIERRE'S COUSIN! I HAVE ZE EAR ON ZE SAHD OF MAH FECE!
Kat: AH AM PIERRE'S GIRLFRIEND!
All: ◎_◎
Kat: WHAT!?
Doof: Leave now everyone! Kat, tu stay since tu live here.
*everyone leaves*
Doof: I'm going back to bed.
Kat: Me too.
DO tu wanna know reasons why Alice Cullen is better then any werewolf out there ( espeshally Leah Clearwater)???? Well read on to see 10 reasons why.............



Oh ya if your a Leah Clearwater fan then tu might not wanna read this but if tu do and it affends tu then leave a comentario and i can tell tu in person why your sooo stupid and ya i worned tu so..................

TEN REASONS WHY ALICE IS BETTER THEN LEAH!!!

1. Alice is acually nice unlike Leah who made Bella cry for no reason at all ( Breaking Dawn)

2. Leah doesn't care about other people she only cares about herself well Alice does...
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1) Pick up cat and cuna it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. cuna in left arm an repeat process.

3)Retreive cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, craddle in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger....
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posted by werewolflover
Yeah,this is the first articulo I've written,so it probably won't be good.
O.K I have a 7 año old niece and she might not seem evil,but trust me she is.If tu met her you'd think she was a sweet,little angel
Her mom,my sis Heather,got married a few years ago.Well the man she married had 2 kids.Ever since she lived with them,she's been evil.
She tells my mom No
She tells us she hates us.She thinks she's the boss.She hits me and then says I hit her first(i'm old enough to know tu don't hit when tu don't get what tu want)She calls me fat.she can't take a joke and then says im fat and don't "play"because I don't like being outside and hate sports.There's más but I don't really want to write anymore.Tell me what tu think in comentarios please:)
posted by ihavOTD
 I am Anti- Miley because of this:
I am Anti- Miley because of this:
OH MY GOSH! I was just watching stupid HM and near the end, Miley and Lily started talking about-guess who? ROBERT PATTINSON. That's sick. here is their convo:(at least what though I heard)

" It's just sad that tu can't find a bf..." Lily says.
" Yeah... Hey, I guess Hannah can fecha Robert Pattinson!" Miley says
" Oh....Robert Pattinson is SO dreamy...."
Thats sickening Disney. I feel bad for Rob. He can't hide ANYWHERE...
Really, do tu realize how crazy and gross a lot of fans are???? Here is a gross articulo about some crazed fans:

Robert Pattinson Approached por “Gross”, “Bleeding”...
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Chapter 2—Canada . . . eh.
    Okay, so this is an correo electrónico to my friend who moved to Canada…eh. Her name is Brenna. Eh. I just thought id include it for your benefit. Eh.

“Lahdiedahdiedahdoodoodahdohetehtakwjeorna!
that is my new favorito! song, just so tu know. omg ;i wrote más in
my big book of nothingness, but im at school, so i don’t have it with
me:( its cool it deals with begging for money, ardilla clothing,
headband helmets, and furry insides! i bet u can’t wait! ha-ha! yay for
the awesome book of nothingness! i put the first part of it on the
internet and ppl thought...
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21 Ways to Say I amor You



1. Call her the siguiente day.



2. Always laugh at her jokes.



3. Tell her (truthfully) that tu can't wait to see her again.



4. Offer her a backrub, without asking for one in return.



5. Call her just to say tu were thinking about her.



6. Bring her a teddy oso, oso de and chicken sopa when she's sick.



7. Write her a poem.



8. Slow dance with her (not only on a dance floor).



9. Bring her flores for no reason.



10. Send her a (handwritten) letter just to say hello.



11. Always remember your anniversaries and bring her something sweet.



12. kiss her in the middle...
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User: Hey.


Cleverbot: How are you?


User: Good and you?


Cleverbot: Yes, good thanks! How old are you?


User: 16.


Cleverbot: You're old.

User: Thanks alot! :(.

Cleverbot: You're welcome!

User: I was being sarcastic.

Cleverbot: So was I.

User: Oh ok. That makes sense. It's hard to tell on the computer.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yesh really. Do tu like ponies?

Cleverbot: No, do tu like ponies?

User: Yes. But, unicornios are better.

Cleverbot: unicornios aren't real.

User: YES THEY ARE! HOW DARE tu SAY THAT!

Cleverbot: Hey, I just met you, chill!!

User: tu dicho unicornios aren't real. :( I thought tu were my friend....
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