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Prologue

The sun is just minutos from rising and the night is growing lighter. An alter made entirely of blue marble, jade, and amethyst is illuminated. Two tiny bebés lie on parte superior, arriba writhing and screaming in discomfort. They are naked, only a few days old and the chill of the stone slowly seeping into their bones will surely kill them. The larger of the two will not stop screaming while her twin just sobs quietly.
Their frail mother stands a few feet away determined to finish what she came here to do but her eyes are bloodshot and red raw from her constant tears. But she is not alone. Her husband stands beside her a pillar of strength. The pair couldn’t be más different.
He has hair as red as the now rising sun and eyes as blue as the deepest ocean. He is stockily built with muscles straining to burst out of his clothes. A birthmark o perhaps a tattoo- half hidden por his clothes- runs down the side of his neck. It is césped, hierba green and seems to depict an upside-down triángulo, triángulo de with a line through it. An unusual choice for anyone let alone a man that looks as though he could rip your head off with his teeth.
His wife hides herself away in the protective arm he wraps round her. She is small, thin and mousy with lank, wispy, brown hair and pale, brown eyes. She seems to be constantly trembling from cold o fear and her skin is paper thin mostrando the outline of every bone. tu can see a pale lila tattoo on her left ankle almost exactly the same shape as her husband’s except it’s the right way up.
She’s still crying but her husband gives her a hard look and she hastily dries her tears. They turn and walk away leaving their children behind.
They remain stranded on the alter. They scream but there is no one to hear. But they have to keep crying. If they don’t they’ll die. First one girl goes silent then the other. The air is deathly cold.
It seems the twin’s fate is sealed but then a middle-aged man- maybe in his fifties- walks his dog por the clearing where the bebés lie. Hearing their screams he gives a gasp of surprise and rushes over to them, his blue eyes wide.
Cradling them to his chest he looks desperately around for someone, their mother perhaps, anyone to tell him what to do. But the clearing is deserted. So Sam (for that was his name) had no choice but to take them inicial to his wife. She would be angry, he knew but he had no choice. He couldn’t just abandon them, not when their own parents had already done so.
Sam was terrified of is wife. He was ashamed to admit it but it was the cruel truth. He was scared of his own wife. Bertha was big with huge beefy arms and huge rolls of fat spilling over her tight floral skirts and bulging beneath her worn apron. Her hair was in blonde curls that were hair sprayed within an inch of their life and her face was a ruddy red. She liked everything just so and always immaculately clean. If something wasn’t up to her high standards then Sam knew he would get the sharp edge of her tongue.
Of course he knew he could leave whenever he wished- Bertha was never violent she just shouted a lot- But he loved her. She had a soft corazón under all that bluster and she was an amazing cook besides. So he stayed. But god knows what she would say when he brought two stray children home.
He couldn’t fathom how someone could just run off and abandon their kids like that, he had always longed for kids but Bertha was unable to give him any due to her being born with no womb. Sam had known these girls all of five minutos and he already loved them as though they really were his own. He could only hope Bertha would too. Juggling both the dog and the bebés nestled inside his capa Sam hurried inicial before they all died of cold.
These are our rules! Please note ... these are
all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, tu need it down. tu don't hear us
complaining about tu leaving it down.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what tu want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable respuestas to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you...
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The city of San Francisco is asking Kulbir Dhaliwal, who was attacked por a tiger at the San Francisco Zoo on navidad día 2007, to reimburse them over $75,000 for the city-funded medical care he received after the mauling.
Cold viruses can survive on objects like telephones and railings for up to three hours.
More suicides occur in the Grand Canyon than in any other national park.
There are más bacteria in the ice machines at fast comida restaurants than in toilet bowl water.
Alcohol-related traffic fatalities are más than twice as common on New Year's Eve as other midweek winter evenings.
Two...
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posted by Feathershine
1. When their watching TV get in their way and say "I'm in your way!! Im in your way!!"
2. Say "beep, beep beep..." until they snap
3. Call them on their cell phone when their out on a fecha o something, and in a weird voice say "Hello?! Can I send u a box of waffles" (LOL I don't know)
4. When their sleeping take a bottle of water and wake them up por dumping it on them and saying "Sorry! I came to bring it for u to drink, I didn't realize it slipped"
5. If tu have a dog o cat (that DON'T sleep with your parents) dump him/her when there asleep
6. When tu spill any liquid blame it on the gods
7....
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1.find something old and breakable and go up to a apartment o building o highest floor in your house and open a window and estimate how long it will take that thing to hit the groung then throw it out the the window and cout how many seconds/minutes it takes to hit the ground really.
2.go to wal-mart,enough said
3.go outside and try to sell a old stuffed animal on a leash to people who look important to society,like hobos
4.go to your neighbors and tell them they need to stop the rucus and to shut up your trying to sleep even if its the middle of the día and they arent making any noise
5.go to...
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posted by x-menobsessed26
Useful Hawaiian Phrases
On the Plane
My how your perfume fills the entire cabin!
'A'ala maoli keia wahi o kakou i kau wai 'ala kuikawa!


If I snore, I would like to apologize in advance
Ke nono au, e kala mua mai, i keia manawa ho'i.


I am filled with admiration for my in-flight meal
Kahaha ko'u na'au i ke 'ano o ka mea 'ai ma keia mokulele.


Only six dollars for a headset? Why thats only three dollars per ear!
Eono kala no ka ho'olohe lekio? 'O ia ho'i, 'ekolu wale no kala o kahi pepeiao!


Baby, Severe Turbulance is my middle name
E ku'u kumu e, mai hopohopo, ua kapa 'ia ko'u inoa waena, 'o ia 'o Severe...
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posted by ciaraluvsjustin
1.Bring a pillow.Fall asleep[or pretend to]until the last 15 minutes.Wake up,say"Oh Geez,better get cracking"and do some gibberish work.Turn it in a few minutos early
2.Get a copy of the exam,run out screaming "Andre Andre I've got the secret documents!!"
3.If it is a math/science exam,answer in essay form.If it is a long answer/essay form answer in numbers o symbols.Be creative.
4.Make paper airplanes out of the exam.Throw them at the instructors left nostril.
5.Talk the entire way through the exam.Read preguntas out loud,debate your respuestas with yourself out loud.If asked to stop, yell out"I'M...
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"An old woman haunted me!"

One night my and por brothers and I were sleeping up stairs while my mom was downstairs reading. I was lying in cama and heard this light stomping sound. Then the stomping sound got a little heavier. Soon, it became so loud that my brothers and I all came out of our room because we were scared. My mom had heard it too and she thought it was one of us playing a joke, but it wasn't - we were all in bed! We had no idea what to make of it and were really freaked out. But then, things got creepier....

"We found her stuff in the attic, her name was Tamara!"

I went over to...
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posted by jblovesme4ever
[]miley cyrus the girl who many of whom look up to but why[
resons to hate her(feel free to add más on comments)

1)[]her music]: she doesnt write it on her own and her newest song untamed wow the part where she says I GO THOUGHT BOYS LIKE MONEY:and the only good song she has is the climb: and that is not saying much!!!:patry in the usa wow that is the s&^%$#@ música vidio i have seen it a while

2)money: the only reson she is here is bcus she wants money: she has to get payed to do chairty events:and she is always just talking about it to

3)she doesnt care about her fans: she may say she doese...
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posted by deathchick9
Over the many years of pikachu,if tu look closely pikachu has been getting thinner and thinner.When it started he was this cute,fat little chunk of Pokemon,but now he's a skinny little freak.Which can only me one thing....Ash has forced him to become bulimic!
*Dramatizations*
____________________________________
Ash:Jeez,Pikachu your so fat!

Pikachu:Pika?

________________________

Ash:Loose some weight tu fat bastard!

Pikachu:Pika?!
_________________________________________

Ash:No stop eating!Your just gonna get fatter!

*Ash shoves his finger down pikachu's throat to make him vomit his comida up.Pikachu...
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posted by melcu
1. Sing the batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If tu have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours por hooking a videocámara to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal por conspicuously licking...
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posted by ihavOTD
 I am Anti- Miley because of this:
I am Anti- Miley because of this:
OH MY GOSH! I was just watching stupid HM and near the end, Miley and Lily started talking about-guess who? ROBERT PATTINSON. That's sick. here is their convo:(at least what though I heard)

" It's just sad that tu can't find a bf..." Lily says.
" Yeah... Hey, I guess Hannah can fecha Robert Pattinson!" Miley says
" Oh....Robert Pattinson is SO dreamy...."
Thats sickening Disney. I feel bad for Rob. He can't hide ANYWHERE...
Really, do tu realize how crazy and gross a lot of fans are???? Here is a gross articulo about some crazed fans:

Robert Pattinson Approached por “Gross”, “Bleeding”...
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added by SheWolf11
Source: I DO NOT OWN THIS IMAGE
Similar to "30 Things To Do During An Exam." buscar for it in this club, it's way funnier. Apologies if this lista is a little outdated.

50 Ways to Mess With People in a Computer Lab

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutos & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that tu can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat...
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added by totoyo25
added by tdacrazy6
Source: Tumblr
posted by Bluekait
Example:

There's someone knockin' on my door

There in the shadows, looks like a hand

Come to the rescue now

Once there was a man who decided he knew everything

Life's been so good to me

I went to see what I could find

tu never lived in the streets though tu wish tu had

I'm so sorry, please forgive me

Living in the sixth dimension

Over time I've come to feel

------------------------------------------------------------------

If tu need help o another example for a better understanding, let me know.
added by CokeTheUmbreon
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Langley, West Virginia.

Commander Kane: *Walks up to Ted* How are the new watches coming out?
Ted: I think you'll be pleased with the work me, and Mabel did. por the way, how's Johnny doing?
Commander Kane: We found a replacement who's willing to use his name to protect his identity.

Sundsvall Sweden. Johnny Lightning was driving south on the Sundsvallbron. A bridge that was part of the E4 highway. His car was a shiny silver Alfa Romeo.

Johnny: *Smiling as he looks at himself in the rear view mirror. He then sees a red Nissan close to him*

The red car overtook him, and a black man pointed a MP7 at...
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 Yes tu are.
Yes you are.
Good día everyone.

I just wanted to quickly write this articulo after thinking about it last night because I couldn't help but to feel the need to say something to everyone who is struggling with life.


Life is tough? yeah it fucking is man!! but guess what if your thoughts are stuck negatively tu going nowhere in progress you'll only sink más and más into depression.


Even if tu feel tu couldn't!!!! get a grip and try a hundred times never give up.

It's impossible to go adelante, hacia adelante without one strong step from you.

Somehow you'll manage, learn how to trick your brain into positive thinking it will...
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