[Everybody Loves Raymond] 116 - Diamonds #385
Marie: Oh I used to amor Valentines Day!... then I met your father.
Frank: I used to amor every day.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 121 - Fascinating Debra #409
Debra: There's nothing funny about me to imitate y'know?
Ray: Oh, what are tu talking about? Here I'll do you. "Ray, get off of me, it's not your birthday"
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 202 - Father Knows Least #380
Ray: Look, tu have to do what Mommy says.
Ally: Why?
Ray: 'Cause I do.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 207 - Anniversary #381
Marie: We almost got divorced.
Frank: There's a sad word��'- almost.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 208 - The Children's Book #382
Ray: I was wondering-- are we still fighting?
Debra: What? Oh, no, no.
Ray: Okay, good. I almost bought flowers.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 212 - All I Want For navidad #379
[about sex]
Debra: tu know, it's not always me what about last week when I was in the mood and tu weren't?
Raymond: When was that???
Debra: Wednesday. tu were watching TV I asked tu to give me a backrub. Yeah tu gave me one of these one-handed deals.
Raymond: Wait wait a minute. tu ask for a backrub, and that means Mr. Smith goes to Washington?
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 212 - All I Want For navidad #383
Ray: Not the flannel pajamas!
Debra: What?
Ray: When tu come to cama wearing that silky thing I know I have a chance but the flannel pajamas? tu might as well be wearing a porcupine suit!
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 217 - The Ride-Along #384
Debra: Ally, what are tu doing?
Ally: Cutting Molly's hair.
Debra: Oh no, no, honey, tu can't cut a doll's hair. It won't grow back-- only people hair grows back.
Ally: Oh. [pauses, calls for her baby brother] Geoffrey!
Debra: Oh, no, no, no, Ally, go ahead. Just cut the doll's hair. Hey, look, tu missed a spot.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 303 - The Sitter #398
Ray: [referring to messy house] tu know what tu need, tu need some real help around here.
[Debra glares at Ray]
Ray: Keeping in mind I have a very busy schedule.
Debra: Oh yeah that's right gee isn't it time for your 9 o'clock butt scratch?
Ray: That's okay I don't do that anymore I'm on the patch.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 305 - The Visit #399
[practising saying mom for Debra's mother]
Ray: Mom... mom... mom...
Marie: [walks through door] Hiii!
Ray: Wow, that... that is powerful... Let me try something: Xena warrior princess, Xena warrior princess...
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 310 - No Fat #410
Ray: Hey.
Marie: Hi honey, want some eggs?
Frank: Don't listen to her, it's not eggs. It's got fake egg crap.
Marie: It tastes exactly the same.
Frank: Yes. Exactly like crap.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 310 - No Fat #411
Ray: Why didn't tu bring your dog, Robert?
Robert: I don't think Shamsky would eat this.
Ray: Yeah, but we could eat him.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 413 - Bully On The Bus #343
Marie: I sense tension and anger.
Frank: Maybe you're picking up your own scent.
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #371
Raymond: Happy Anniversary. Hey, tu know what I was thinking? Since this is our tenth anniversary, why don't we let the kids stay at grandmas and grandpas, all night, if tu know what I mean?
Debra: Hey, hola we could watch our wedding video?
Raymond: I guess tu don't know what I mean.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #372
[after finding out rayo, ray taped over his wedding video]
Frank: hola good work Ray. Now when some broad starts yapping "you're never romantic!". Guys everywhere can say "Hey, tu think I'm bad? At least I didn't pull a rayo, ray Barone.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #373
Marie: Well I'll tell tu what I would like if I were Debra...
Frank: I'd like it if tu were Debra!
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #374
Robert: [referring to the wedding magazines] Where did tu get these?
Ray: The puesto de periódicos -- it was so embarrassing. I had to buy some porn just to even it out.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 418 - Debra Makes Something Good #375
Frank: First of all, if I have anything to say about your mother, I'm not afraid to say it right to her face... segundo of all, those are not jokes.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 418 - Debra Makes Something Good #402
Ray: I'm not going to make those jokes anymore.
Debra: Thank you.
Ray: Will tu still cook for me?
Debra: Yes.
Ray: Will tu take your clothes off?
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 421 - Someone's Cranky #376
Raymond: Maybe tu should cut them some slack.
Robert: What?
Raymond: Yeah 'cause they mean well... y'know?... Well, mom means well, dad's just, mean.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 421 - Someone's Cranky #377
Robert: Apparently if tu leave leche out for twelve weeks, it goes bad and then explodes. [holds a candle] However, this is lavender bouquet.
Raymond: Can we use it to light the apartment on fire?
Debra: Robert, do tu have any más candles?
Frank: o an old sneaker I can bury my face in?
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 422 - Bad Moon Rising #378
Raymond: People! Shut up all of tu guys. Debra's not feeling well, bio... hormonally.
Frank: Oh! Got it. The enemy within.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 422 - Bad Moon Rising #400
Debra: Oh, would tu STOP? I'm not crying because of the way I sound! I'm crying because I'm married to an insensitive derfwad, who instead of trying to make life easier for his wife, tape-records her so he has proof she's a terrible person!
Ray: What's a derfwad?
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 508 - Young Girl #388
Ray: Let me tell tu something Robert, there's two Debras. That's right. There's the Debra tu see that doesn't have a problem with it. Then, when everybody leaves, there's the Debra that I see: Darth Debra.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #391
Ray: If one was asked to read a book called Devilwood, one would be correct in assuming that the book was scary, o exciting o had something devil-y in it, wouldn't one?
Robert: One would.
Ray: Well then one would be wrong!
Robert: What's going on Raymond?
Ray: Debra wants me to read this so we have stuff in common. But I swear this sucker's like a horse tranquilizer.
Here, listen to this first line. "Imagine a rain so beautiful it must never have existed" what does that mean? What does that mean?? Tell me right now what does that mean???
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #392
Debra: Have tu read any of that book?
Ray: I read a lot.
Debra: Yeah? What's it about?
Ray: It's, it's about a rain that's so beautiful, I can't even believe it existed.
Debra: That's the first line, you've read ONE LINE!
Ray: And I was gonna read the siguiente line when I came out of my COMA!
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #393
Ray: This mantequilla is the perfect temperature slash density.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 522 - Say Uncle #304
Frank: Marie, what the hell? One segundo tu were making me pancakes, the siguiente segundo you're gone... which would be great if there were pancakes.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 612 - Season's Greetings #313
[about the navidad letter from ten years prior]
Frank: I remember this. I had all the stuff I was gonna do when I retire on it.
Marie: Was "be nicer to your wife" on there?
Frank: Might as well have been, it's all ridiculous crap!
Contributed por evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 618 - The Breakup Tape #315
Ray: So I have to live in a museum of your erotic past.
Debra: It's not a museum.
Ray: So tu admit... it was erotic!
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com


[Everybody Loves Raymond] 619 - Talk To Your Daughter #316
Frank: Let me tell tu about life.
Ray: Great. We're gonna hear the meaning of life from a man who once threw his shoe at a swan.
Frank: That's called "Protecting your sandwich".
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 619 - Talk To Your Daughter #317
Ray: What, tu don't think I can do it? I'll do it, I'll have the sex talk with her.
Debra: I'll tell tu what, Ray. tu can be there, and I'll explain it to the both of you.
Contributed por evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 620 - A Vote For Debra #318
Debra: tu were stuffing your pants with food!
Ray: I'm your husband, you're supposed to support me no matter what's in my pants!
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 625 - The First Time #319
Debra: Oh, honey, honey, not tonight, okay? How about tomorrow?
Ray: How about we start tonight and go til tomorrow?
Debra: We'd have to start at 11:59, then.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 705 - Who Am I? #320
Ray: Are tu having an affair with the bookstore guy?
Debra: Right. He's 60 years old, got one eye, and he smells of the jungle.
Ray: Yeah, that's how tu like it.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 712 - Grandpa Steals #321
Robert: Your daughter, your problem.
Ray: You're stupid, you're ugly.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 714 - Just A Formality #322
Debra: tu listen to me Robert. This is between tu and Amy. Her parents
are just going to have to get used to the idea. But it's your life. tu do what tu want to do.
Ray: Until tu get married. Then tu do what she wants to do.
Contributed por evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 715 - The Disciplinarian #323
Ray: Come on. You've seen me lay down the law, right?
Frank: I've seen tu lay down.
Contributed por evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 717 - Meeting The Parents #324
Frank: Dear Lord, please keep this in-law family the hell away from me!
Hank: And tu can stay the heck away from us, too.
Frank: tu can say "heck" all tu want, He knows tu mean "Hell"!
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 718 - The Plan #403
[After Robert messes up the wedding invitations]
Amy: And what's this? 'Attire optional?' It's supposed to be 'black tie optional.' 'Attire optional' means 'maybe naked'! There's going to be nude people... at the church... on a Wednesday!
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 720 - Who's Next? #325
Marie: tu stay away from my husband!
Frank: Marie, we were just talking.
Marie: tu weren't just talking, tu were picturing her naked.
Frank: Get out of my head, Woman!
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 722 - Baggage #401
Debra: I have to do everything around here! I swear, if I don't do it, then it doesn't get done!
Frank: Well, that's because...now, take it easy...-that's how it's supposed to be.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 803 - inicial From School #326
Michael: I don't have any homework!
Ray: Woahwoahwoawoa... who do tu think you're dealing with here huh? I may seem stupid, but that's just to get your mother to not ask me to do stuff, okay?... I know all the angles pal, I know all the excuses. If my dog Shamsky had eaten as much homework as I dicho he woulda pooped the encyclopedia britannica.
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 803 - inicial From School #327
Michael: I went up to the teacher to ask her a question, and I accidentally dicho "Mommy."
Ray: tu called the teacher "Mommy?" Why? Was the teacher yelling?
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 804 - Misery Loves Company #311
Robert: You're so closed off. Holding your wife's hand could be pleasurable for you. And más importantly, it might allow her to feel wanted and loved por you.
Raymond: How does that get me out of laundry?
Robert: If tu could connect with your wife emotionally, then perhaps tu wouldn't see doing laundry as a chore. tu might do it willingly, for her, as a gesture of love.
Raymond: tu are an idiot wrapped in a moron.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 814 - Lateness #328
Debra: tu used to think I was worth waiting for.
Ray: tu were worth waiting for, but after fifteen years, tu should be here por now!
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 816 - Security #329
Marie: Since when is there a law against me expressing my feelings?
Frank: I've been trying to pass that legislation for years.
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 821 - The Model #330
Marie: I always thought Robert was a looker.
Frank: I always thought he was más of a "look at that."
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #331
Debra: Look at all the scribbles on this notebook! "Tommy and Ally Forever," "Ally Hearts Tommy," "Ally Sanders."
Ray: Oh, look. tu see? That's not even Ally's notebook.
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #332
Amy: tu know, Deb, every child goes through this rebellious phase. I did. One time, in Church choir, we were all supposed to sing "What a Friend We Have In Jesus," and my friends and I sang "What a Friend We Have in Cheeses!"
Contributed por Courtney E


[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #333
Robert: What about when I was 13 years old, and my baloncesto coach called me "The Useless Giraffe?"
Frank: tu were six foot five. tu couldn't grab a couple of rebounds?
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #334
Ray: If x equals lame, that guy is 4 times x!
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 906 - Boys' Therapy #335
[Frank is lectura a paper on the track horses]
Frank: we gotta bet this horse. It's unbeatable! It's unstoppable.
Robert: Marie's Mouth
Ray: This is a sign!
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 911 - The Faux Pas #336
Debra: I want to assure tu that Marie does not speak for all of us.
Frank: No, she just speaks más than all of us.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 912 - Tasteless Frank #337
Frank: Hey, could tu pass the salt?
Marie: What did tu say?
Frank: I want to put some salt on this.
Marie: In 47 years of marriage, you've never salted my lasagna!
Frank: Marie, it's bad enough it needs it. tu gotta remind me how long we've been married?
Contributed por evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 912 - Tasteless Frank #338
Robert: tu know, Dad, I have to say, I'm surprised that tu can't appreciate the interplay of these flavors--the smokiness of the ham, delicately contrasting with the sweetness of the egg custard.
Frank: Why don't tu put on a dress and do a dance?
Contributed por evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 913 - Sister-In-Law #339
Amy: I should've realized guys just want to watch TV and be left alone.
Frank: Amy, will tu marry me?
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #340
Robert: Yeah, I always know when Amy's in the mood, cause she gives me this little sly smile.
Ray: Yeah... I think she's saying hurry up and get it over with.
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #341
Ray: It's like the más I turn her down, the más she wants it. She's like a guy!
Contributed por Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #342
Robert: I'm going to help Amy pick out drapes.
Ray: If there's any material left over, maybe tu can make yourself a little skirt.
Contributed por Courtney E