I found this and found it hilarious:
"The Metric System
"Walks like a foot, talks like a foot, but it's really 30.48 centimeters."
Admit it: America is really screwed up when it comes to measuring anything. We waste a ton of time in school learning our totally whack system. And of course nobody ever remembers how it all works. Who (besides me) knows:
How many ounces in a gallon? (128)
How many inches in a mile? (63,360)
How many acres in a square mile? (625)
How many scruples in a pound? (288)
How many minims in a pint? (7,680)
Okay, those last two were kind of cheating. They don't even try to teach tu about scruples and drams and pecks in school. (But just so tu know, there are 24 grains to a pennyweight.)
They do try to teach the metric system. But everyone acts like it's some kind of commie thing that only French people o scientists would use. This ignores the fact that everyone else in the whole world is down with it. Even the English, who invented our whack system and then ditched us with it.
Now, this is all fine with me. If we used the metric system, any normal daylight dweebhead could do the math:
How many grams in a kilogram. (Duh. 1000)
How many meters in a kilometer. (Duh. 1000)
How many milliliters in a liter? (Duh. 1000)
How many femtoliters in a yottaliter? (Um . . . )
Okay, that last one's tricky. But not that tricky. It's a one with 39 zeros after it. At least in metric, the answer's ALWAYS a one with zeros after it.
Now, of course, this would be no fun for math-heads like me, who in our whacko-US system rule the world like a colossus. We know all the respuestas while the math-impaired struggle with how many teaspoons in a tablespoon. (Um, oh crap. Four?)
Anyway, I was ranting about all of this to my Social Studies teacher, Mr. Ortega, and he let me in on this hilarious secret: In the United States we actually DO use the metric system. Not just when we buy a liter of coca cola o a gram of whatever, but ALL THE TIME. We've been using it secretly since 1959.
Here's what happened. por the 1950s, the rare but powerful smart people of the USA had gotten really tired of us being the measurement retards of the entire world. Everywhere else was happily being metric, but whenever anything crossed our borders it had to be converted from metric to USA-whacko units. And the very real problem with that was this very weird fact: Two different measurement systems can NEVER be converted between exactly.
Huh?
Sorry to frazzle your brain, but it's true. Before 1959, when someone dicho that there were 2.5 centimeters to a US inch, they were just faking it. So was it 2.54? Still not exactly. 2.5417362519? Close but no cigar. In fact, tu could have gone on adding a million digits past the decimal point and tu wouldn't ever get there. It's like pi; tu may get closer and closer, but tu will never reach the cigar. Weird, huh? But true.
So in 1959, the good old USA surrendered to the French commie metric system. In the middle of the night, probably, President Eisenhower signed this law that changed the foot we'd been using up until then into something called "the international foot." This foot looks like a foot, talks like a foot, walks like a foot, but it's actually metric. It is EXACTLY 30.48 centimeters. The same quietly signed law redefined all our other measurements in metric terms as well.
That was that. The commies won, we lost.
Of course, we Americans still have to remember that there are 5280 feet in a mile. Only it's a metric mile now. Even if nobody knows it.
Suckers."
LOL.
"The Metric System
"Walks like a foot, talks like a foot, but it's really 30.48 centimeters."
Admit it: America is really screwed up when it comes to measuring anything. We waste a ton of time in school learning our totally whack system. And of course nobody ever remembers how it all works. Who (besides me) knows:
How many ounces in a gallon? (128)
How many inches in a mile? (63,360)
How many acres in a square mile? (625)
How many scruples in a pound? (288)
How many minims in a pint? (7,680)
Okay, those last two were kind of cheating. They don't even try to teach tu about scruples and drams and pecks in school. (But just so tu know, there are 24 grains to a pennyweight.)
They do try to teach the metric system. But everyone acts like it's some kind of commie thing that only French people o scientists would use. This ignores the fact that everyone else in the whole world is down with it. Even the English, who invented our whack system and then ditched us with it.
Now, this is all fine with me. If we used the metric system, any normal daylight dweebhead could do the math:
How many grams in a kilogram. (Duh. 1000)
How many meters in a kilometer. (Duh. 1000)
How many milliliters in a liter? (Duh. 1000)
How many femtoliters in a yottaliter? (Um . . . )
Okay, that last one's tricky. But not that tricky. It's a one with 39 zeros after it. At least in metric, the answer's ALWAYS a one with zeros after it.
Now, of course, this would be no fun for math-heads like me, who in our whacko-US system rule the world like a colossus. We know all the respuestas while the math-impaired struggle with how many teaspoons in a tablespoon. (Um, oh crap. Four?)
Anyway, I was ranting about all of this to my Social Studies teacher, Mr. Ortega, and he let me in on this hilarious secret: In the United States we actually DO use the metric system. Not just when we buy a liter of coca cola o a gram of whatever, but ALL THE TIME. We've been using it secretly since 1959.
Here's what happened. por the 1950s, the rare but powerful smart people of the USA had gotten really tired of us being the measurement retards of the entire world. Everywhere else was happily being metric, but whenever anything crossed our borders it had to be converted from metric to USA-whacko units. And the very real problem with that was this very weird fact: Two different measurement systems can NEVER be converted between exactly.
Huh?
Sorry to frazzle your brain, but it's true. Before 1959, when someone dicho that there were 2.5 centimeters to a US inch, they were just faking it. So was it 2.54? Still not exactly. 2.5417362519? Close but no cigar. In fact, tu could have gone on adding a million digits past the decimal point and tu wouldn't ever get there. It's like pi; tu may get closer and closer, but tu will never reach the cigar. Weird, huh? But true.
So in 1959, the good old USA surrendered to the French commie metric system. In the middle of the night, probably, President Eisenhower signed this law that changed the foot we'd been using up until then into something called "the international foot." This foot looks like a foot, talks like a foot, walks like a foot, but it's actually metric. It is EXACTLY 30.48 centimeters. The same quietly signed law redefined all our other measurements in metric terms as well.
That was that. The commies won, we lost.
Of course, we Americans still have to remember that there are 5280 feet in a mile. Only it's a metric mile now. Even if nobody knows it.
Suckers."
LOL.
Chuck Norris can make onions cry.
Chuck Norris can borrar the Recycling Bin.
Ghosts are actually caused por Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris can strangle tu with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris once had a corazón attack; his corazón lost.
Chuck Norris doesn't turn the light on; he turns the dark off.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters; not even a mirror is stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's tears can cure aids, too bad he never cries. (silvaze9)
Salati is a leopard that was adopted por the Brooker family in South Africa. The family helps to rehabilitate animales that are injured. Salati came to the Brooker family when it was just a cub, and instantly became friends with Tommy, a golden retriever. Tommy was also a perrito, cachorro at the time.
tu would think that a friendship between this unlikely pair would be impossible. But no. The two animales connected from the first moment. Now the two animales are fully grown and they are still friends. They spend time together running, playing, sleeping, whatever!
They have left behind the stereotype of cat and dog and found friendship instead.
Kat: tu spin my head right 'round, right 'round-
Zapnis: DONCHA WISH YO GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME-
Kat: I'D LIKE TO MAKE MYSELF BELIEVE-
Zapnis: I KISSED A GIRL-
Doofenshmirtz: SHUT UP ALREADY! I'M TRYING TO WORK ON MY TOASTINATOR!
*Zim comes in*
Zim: SURRENDER NOW HUMANS!
Kat: Uhh, Zap and I aren't humans, and tu know us-
Zim: Shut up, girl!
Gir: AH LIKE TACOS!
*Mermaidman comes in*
Kat: I WANT YO amor AND I WANT YO REVENGE-
Mermaidman: EEEVIL!
*Bloo from Foster's walks in*
Bloo: AH AM PIERRE'S COUSIN! I HAVE ZE EAR ON ZE SAHD OF MAH FECE!
Kat: AH AM PIERRE'S GIRLFRIEND!
All: ◎_◎
Kat: WHAT!?
Doof: Leave now everyone! Kat, tu stay since tu live here.
*everyone leaves*
Doof: I'm going back to bed.
Kat: Me too.
Zapnis: DONCHA WISH YO GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME-
Kat: I'D LIKE TO MAKE MYSELF BELIEVE-
Zapnis: I KISSED A GIRL-
Doofenshmirtz: SHUT UP ALREADY! I'M TRYING TO WORK ON MY TOASTINATOR!
*Zim comes in*
Zim: SURRENDER NOW HUMANS!
Kat: Uhh, Zap and I aren't humans, and tu know us-
Zim: Shut up, girl!
Gir: AH LIKE TACOS!
*Mermaidman comes in*
Kat: I WANT YO amor AND I WANT YO REVENGE-
Mermaidman: EEEVIL!
*Bloo from Foster's walks in*
Bloo: AH AM PIERRE'S COUSIN! I HAVE ZE EAR ON ZE SAHD OF MAH FECE!
Kat: AH AM PIERRE'S GIRLFRIEND!
All: ◎_◎
Kat: WHAT!?
Doof: Leave now everyone! Kat, tu stay since tu live here.
*everyone leaves*
Doof: I'm going back to bed.
Kat: Me too.
Yeah,this is the first articulo I've written,so it probably won't be good.
O.K I have a 7 año old niece and she might not seem evil,but trust me she is.If tu met her you'd think she was a sweet,little angel
Her mom,my sis Heather,got married a few years ago.Well the man she married had 2 kids.Ever since she lived with them,she's been evil.
She tells my mom No
She tells us she hates us.She thinks she's the boss.She hits me and then says I hit her first(i'm old enough to know tu don't hit when tu don't get what tu want)She calls me fat.she can't take a joke and then says im fat and don't "play"because I don't like being outside and hate sports.There's más but I don't really want to write anymore.Tell me what tu think in comentarios please:)
O.K I have a 7 año old niece and she might not seem evil,but trust me she is.If tu met her you'd think she was a sweet,little angel
Her mom,my sis Heather,got married a few years ago.Well the man she married had 2 kids.Ever since she lived with them,she's been evil.
She tells my mom No
She tells us she hates us.She thinks she's the boss.She hits me and then says I hit her first(i'm old enough to know tu don't hit when tu don't get what tu want)She calls me fat.she can't take a joke and then says im fat and don't "play"because I don't like being outside and hate sports.There's más but I don't really want to write anymore.Tell me what tu think in comentarios please:)