#1:
Elizabeth: I have absolutely no intention of marrying Everard. I'm sorry to upset your plans, but...
Elizabeth's Father: Plans did tu say? My one and only plan, dear girl, is to see tu as happy as possible, and I would never dream of forcing tu to do something tu don't want to.
Critic:(as Elizabeth's father) Unless it was the beginning of the movie in which case I dicho tu had no choice.
Critic: (as a scene of Elizabeth and her father hugging plays) Seriously, what did she do different? She made the same argument she did before. In fact, it's actually less angry. Are tu honestly telling me that this...
Elizabeth: I have absolutely no intention of marrying Everard.
Critic: is much más stronger than THIS?
Elizabeth: (scene from earlier) I'd rather die than marry that horrifying, disgusting old serpent!
Critic:(as Elizabeth's father) Ohoho, that's just the PMS talking. You'll get over it!
Elizabeth: I have absolutely no intention of marrying Everard.
Critic:(as Elizabeth's father) WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! CALM DOWN, BITCH! CALM DOWN! WHOA! We'll figure this out, man! JESUS!


#2:
Zack Denbrough: What were tu doing in Georgie’s room?
Young Bill: N-Nothing. Dad, listen!
Zack Denbrough: I don’t want tu ever coming in here again, son. Do tu understand?
Critic: (imitates Zack Denbrough) How DARE tu try to mourn the loss of your one and only brother!


#3:
Pennywise: I’ll mostrar tu how to FLOOOAAAT down here.
Critic: Why doesn’t he just EAT these fucking kids? He’s eaten like half of the other kids in the neighborhood! Why doesn’t he just finish them off? I mean, what the hell is más important in his time?
Critic: (imitates Pennywise) RARRR, I've got tu now, little boy! (beeping sound, and he looks at his watch) Oh, my God, it’s almost 3:00! (The Critic leaves the screen camera from the left and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song plays.)


#4:
Critic: Maybe it’s ‘cause I’m drunk o something, but, uhh…Tim curry, de curry is a riot... Were people really scared por this guy? He’s hilarious! I don’t even think his scene is supposed to be this long. I think he just decided to stay on set and annoy everybody.


#5:
(The cocina phone rings, and Tory respuestas it)
Tory: Hello? Hello? Help us, please! Come help us! We’re trapped inside of here!
Pennywise: Do tu have Prince Albert in a can? tu do? Well, ya better let the poor guy out! Wha-haw! Wha-Haw! Wha-Haw!
(Tory hangs up and tears the phone off the wall)


#6:
Critic: The mother finds someone who might know where the boy has been taken, and...get ready, people: this is Nicolas Cage at his absolute... Cagiest.
Vasil: Hey, I've got what tu need for those shakes my friend.
(Johnny laughs hysterically, stuffing a cell phone in Vasil's mouth)
Johnny: Carrigan must've told tu about that thing that killed his men last night, huh? Yeah?! Well, that thing is inside me! tu see, you're a bad man, and this thing, the Rider, he feeds on bad men, and he's hungry! He's hungrier than he's been in years, AND THAT'S WHY I'M SHAKING!
Critic: (as the director) Uh, Mr. Cage, none of this is in the script. You're supposed to just ask where the kid is and leave. We don't know what you're doing right now, but for the amor of God, please don't hurt anybody.


#6:
Critic: So Cage saves Rowan, but little does he know she was never in any danger at all. In fact, she even runs back to her group who welcome her with open arms.
(Honestly.. What the fuck!?)


#7:
Malus: HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?!
Critic: Somebody lit it! Somebody lit it!


#8:
(Malus sees the little girl from the car on the boat, looking out on the railing. While Malus looks her over, a truck horn is heard and the girl suddenly gets run over por a truck)
Critic: jesús CHRIST! WHO LET THE TRUCK ON THE BOAT?!


#9:
Maggie: (after searching around the place to find nothing) I’m scaring myself half to death.
(She turns around and suddenly gets hammered once in the face.)
MC Hammer: Hammer time!
(Maggie stumbles backwards and falls through the apartment window several stories high off the ground.)
Phelous: I don’t know how much tu can blame Chucky for that one. She sort of did that to herself.
Critic: Yeah, she tosses herself out a window and doesn’t even fall the same way she came out?
(Maggie falls onto the back of a pickup truck and dies.)
Critic: This all came from a toy hammer! How can anyone be this clumsy?


#10:
Charles Lee Ray: (rather calmly) Oh, God, I’m dying.
Phelous: (sarcastic) Well, at least he seems to be taking it well.