An idea popped into my head the other día and its been playing like a little movie in my head ever since. I really need to know if its any good, o if the idea has already been used. Also I need consejos for the characters and their names. I also appreciate constructive criticism and grammar and spelling. The names are temporary. I've never written a book that is completely in the present tense so please help me catch any tense mistakes! Um, oh yeah. It doesn't have a título yet so if tu have any suggestions just let me know!
(: Thanks!
-Carly
The story is jumbled a bit. It is because the characters are experiencing tough times and can't think straight, so since they tell it, the story is a little jumpy.
Here is a a short vista previa of the 1st chapter to an unnamed story in the making along with a summary of the book.
"Good morning," I hear the principal say as she does every day. Normally, I would politely respond to that with a "Thank tu Mrs. Monrale, tu too," but today I am pissed. How can she say that?! It was awful of her to say such a thing! It is most definitely not a good morning, I mutter to myself as she is all the way down the hallway now.
I pace around, taking a long route to my locker where, as always, the two cheerleaders on either side of my locker are cheerfully chatting. Normally I would say "Excuse me," but today I'm not normal. I can't bring myself to say WHY I'm so abnormal today. I'm not ready to get into that yet. Today is awful, life is just a dismay, people are always in your way, the principal is disgusting, the cheerleaders are horrid, and I am mad - mad at everyone and everything, everywhere.
That is a vista previa of chapter one, in the the female protagonist, Josepheenah's point of view.
Here is a summary of the whole book:
Ever since Josepheenah dicho the words "I wish you'd just die, Eli," she has never stopped regretting them. Jo and Eli really got along until he decided to fall in amor with her. He loved the pool of brown in her eyes and the black mess of hair that she had always hated. Eli found her laugher to be música to his ears. Her voice was melodic and always on key. Jo always knew what to say to him, until she says the last words Eli ever heard her say. She took none of this seriously. But Eli would do anything Jo wanted. They were at her house at the time, so when Jo got up to get them a snack, he gave her what she asked for. Jo comes back to messages written on her mirror in blood, and balled up amor notes Eli never had the guts to give to her. Read the novel to get the story from both sides, and how everything turns out in the end.
Thanks for helping me out! x :)
(: Thanks!
-Carly
The story is jumbled a bit. It is because the characters are experiencing tough times and can't think straight, so since they tell it, the story is a little jumpy.
Here is a a short vista previa of the 1st chapter to an unnamed story in the making along with a summary of the book.
"Good morning," I hear the principal say as she does every day. Normally, I would politely respond to that with a "Thank tu Mrs. Monrale, tu too," but today I am pissed. How can she say that?! It was awful of her to say such a thing! It is most definitely not a good morning, I mutter to myself as she is all the way down the hallway now.
I pace around, taking a long route to my locker where, as always, the two cheerleaders on either side of my locker are cheerfully chatting. Normally I would say "Excuse me," but today I'm not normal. I can't bring myself to say WHY I'm so abnormal today. I'm not ready to get into that yet. Today is awful, life is just a dismay, people are always in your way, the principal is disgusting, the cheerleaders are horrid, and I am mad - mad at everyone and everything, everywhere.
That is a vista previa of chapter one, in the the female protagonist, Josepheenah's point of view.
Here is a summary of the whole book:
Ever since Josepheenah dicho the words "I wish you'd just die, Eli," she has never stopped regretting them. Jo and Eli really got along until he decided to fall in amor with her. He loved the pool of brown in her eyes and the black mess of hair that she had always hated. Eli found her laugher to be música to his ears. Her voice was melodic and always on key. Jo always knew what to say to him, until she says the last words Eli ever heard her say. She took none of this seriously. But Eli would do anything Jo wanted. They were at her house at the time, so when Jo got up to get them a snack, he gave her what she asked for. Jo comes back to messages written on her mirror in blood, and balled up amor notes Eli never had the guts to give to her. Read the novel to get the story from both sides, and how everything turns out in the end.
Thanks for helping me out! x :)
My brain is nowhere, my eyes are hungry,
Devouring the warm naranja sky.
It slides down my throat like soup, and pools into my soul.
I skip mindlessly over the hay, with bits of straw kicked up in my stride,
Like a destructive beast, only unknowing.
My dance is like the leaves.
Red- my pace quickens into a mad, hot dash.
Orange- my footsteps slow into a rhythmic tango.
Yellow- I swirl lazily, as if lovestruck.
The colores of fire, burning at different tempos.
The colores of emotion, striking the corazón under the skin.
The colores of death, leaving with a few last powerful words.
Fall, without regret, having lived your best life,
And dance toward the sunset with high spirits!
Devouring the warm naranja sky.
It slides down my throat like soup, and pools into my soul.
I skip mindlessly over the hay, with bits of straw kicked up in my stride,
Like a destructive beast, only unknowing.
My dance is like the leaves.
Red- my pace quickens into a mad, hot dash.
Orange- my footsteps slow into a rhythmic tango.
Yellow- I swirl lazily, as if lovestruck.
The colores of fire, burning at different tempos.
The colores of emotion, striking the corazón under the skin.
The colores of death, leaving with a few last powerful words.
Fall, without regret, having lived your best life,
And dance toward the sunset with high spirits!
Suck the life of a rose.
someday
we will be the faces in the textbooks dog-eared and torn we will be immortal until the día we are discarded and replaced with new editions o perhaps the siguiente technology once lectura becomes obsolete and society falls into virtual illiteracy
with luck we will be remembered still projected onto some cutting edge device that will let them see us in a million dimensions o hear our voices saying things we never dicho until the students are lulled to sleep por the languid lectures and their heads slump onto the desks that once held the tattered textbooks
someday
we will be the faces in the textbooks dog-eared and torn we will be immortal until the día we are discarded and replaced with new editions o perhaps the siguiente technology once lectura becomes obsolete and society falls into virtual illiteracy
with luck we will be remembered still projected onto some cutting edge device that will let them see us in a million dimensions o hear our voices saying things we never dicho until the students are lulled to sleep por the languid lectures and their heads slump onto the desks that once held the tattered textbooks
someday
In the darkness,
No one is here for me.
I feel lonely,
And my feet tremble.
The grads have gone,
Some my closest friends...
Remember the times that we had?
We let them slip por when things got bad.
Remember the times...
When we shared a sno-cone
When we cried together
When we laughed together
When we jumped in the pool
All in unison.
It's funny how I feel so much
But I cannot say a word.
I will remember you.
tu will always be in my heart.
tu have dado me so many memories
To last.
tu are a handprint on my heart.
It cannot be erased.
tu motivate me.
tu are what I can do today.
tu are an amazing person.
tu are what I am today.
All that I am today is because of you.
tu will never leave my heart,
Even if tu do leave me in life.
No one is here for me.
I feel lonely,
And my feet tremble.
The grads have gone,
Some my closest friends...
Remember the times that we had?
We let them slip por when things got bad.
Remember the times...
When we shared a sno-cone
When we cried together
When we laughed together
When we jumped in the pool
All in unison.
It's funny how I feel so much
But I cannot say a word.
I will remember you.
tu will always be in my heart.
tu have dado me so many memories
To last.
tu are a handprint on my heart.
It cannot be erased.
tu motivate me.
tu are what I can do today.
tu are an amazing person.
tu are what I am today.
All that I am today is because of you.
tu will never leave my heart,
Even if tu do leave me in life.
Idea #1
A group of friends try to hide their biggest secret. A secret that could send them to jail r worse the electric chair. They kill, kidnap, and trick those who try to find out the secret. No one should know the truth about them.
Idea #2
The parents of five friends share a similar secret. These parents will not tell their daughters o even admit to them that there is a secret. When the girls find their parents old yearbook, their conspiracies about their parents begin.
Idea #3
After receive death threats, three best friends are forced to mover out of the state. When trouble continues at their new home, the boys are angry so they figure out the reason for the threats.
A group of friends try to hide their biggest secret. A secret that could send them to jail r worse the electric chair. They kill, kidnap, and trick those who try to find out the secret. No one should know the truth about them.
Idea #2
The parents of five friends share a similar secret. These parents will not tell their daughters o even admit to them that there is a secret. When the girls find their parents old yearbook, their conspiracies about their parents begin.
Idea #3
After receive death threats, three best friends are forced to mover out of the state. When trouble continues at their new home, the boys are angry so they figure out the reason for the threats.
Run
~*~
Run by
Run through
Run away
Run to
By, through, away, to
Run
~*~
Run by
Running by
That’s what happens
When you’re living life
tu run by
Everything
Some may need
Another try
Run by
~*~
Run through
Running through
It’s what we sometimes
Want to do
Run through school
Run through life
It doesn’t matter
How much strife
It may cause others
It may cause you
Run through
~*~
Run away
Running away
It what we should do
Everyday
From ugly things
From messed up dares
From human beings
Who don’t give any care
On who they are
Go very, very, very far, just
Run away
~*~
Run to
Running to
Run to the One who is calling you
He’s calling you
With open arms
Just welcome Him
With your whole heart
tu won’t need to run anymore
When He’s right there with you
Run to.
Fin
~*~
Run by
Run through
Run away
Run to
By, through, away, to
Run
~*~
Run by
Running by
That’s what happens
When you’re living life
tu run by
Everything
Some may need
Another try
Run by
~*~
Run through
Running through
It’s what we sometimes
Want to do
Run through school
Run through life
It doesn’t matter
How much strife
It may cause others
It may cause you
Run through
~*~
Run away
Running away
It what we should do
Everyday
From ugly things
From messed up dares
From human beings
Who don’t give any care
On who they are
Go very, very, very far, just
Run away
~*~
Run to
Running to
Run to the One who is calling you
He’s calling you
With open arms
Just welcome Him
With your whole heart
tu won’t need to run anymore
When He’s right there with you
Run to.
Fin
Here tu are
On a road
Gone so far
Nowhere to go
You've hurt so bad
Wishing it to end
Don't hold back
Just trust me
Close your eyes
And choose your path
One is good
And one is bad
Just hold on tight
You've got to choose
It's whats right
tu cannot lose
Take a step
It will not hurt
Your at a crossroad
tu can't desert
Trust me child
For tu will see
How it is ment to be
Hold your breath
And take that step
It won't be hard to do
And soon you'll be filled with love
Comfort and hope too
Something I came up with.Please comment!!!
On a road
Gone so far
Nowhere to go
You've hurt so bad
Wishing it to end
Don't hold back
Just trust me
Close your eyes
And choose your path
One is good
And one is bad
Just hold on tight
You've got to choose
It's whats right
tu cannot lose
Take a step
It will not hurt
Your at a crossroad
tu can't desert
Trust me child
For tu will see
How it is ment to be
Hold your breath
And take that step
It won't be hard to do
And soon you'll be filled with love
Comfort and hope too
Something I came up with.Please comment!!!
Class ended. As I walked out of the classroom, I still felt sick. I went to my locker and put my stuff away. As I turned around, two tall 11th graders stood in front of me. One of them dicho "Let's play a game! Its called 'Bully The New Girl'!" My corazón trembled with fear. My hands glowed a little black. I quietly dicho "Go away. tu do not want me to hurt you." I guess one heard me, he dicho "Ohh! Im so scared! Heh, now, no más stalling!" Just he was about to puñetazo, ponche me, Bruno grabbed his hand. And dicho fiercely " Do not hurt her. o I will hurt you!" Bruno squeezed his hand. The boy screamed loudly. Everyone looked at him. And the two boys ran away with fear. I dicho " Bruno! How did tu do that?" The voice screamed in my head, "He's the one, he's the helper" and he replied "Uhhhhh. I know karate?" I laughed nicely. He smiled warmly. Then dicho "Ugh, I think I'm gonna puke!" He took me to the girl's bathroom and ran upstairs to get back to class.
The words made my breath fall short in my throat, a small whimpering sound went up through my chest. I slowly rose my watch, exactly the time I was to be doomed. The part of the muro carrying the dread words burst open and rats started to crawl in, immediatly gnawing at my flesh, I tried to back away, but the part i had opened up suddenly closes and i was trapped in darkness, I was trapped, I was trapped with no hope off escape and a thousand beady eyes crawling all over my body, wrigglin down my chest and making their way towards my heart. I spun and rolled around as much as I could in the small space, but the rats were persistent, and my blood trickeld all around me, forming in a pool under me. After a while a finally gave up. For all I had done i was payed with my own dead, locked in a narrow passage with rats all around me, the last living things i would ever interact with. I began to sob softly and my final breath flew from my body, I was a limp, lifeless corpse.....
