Reign recap: 'Dead of Night' 

Marriage is hard. Marriage is especially hard when one person rules an entire country and the other person would very much like to rule that first person’s country. So, yeah, Mary and Darnley are tip-toeing around one another these days.

Mary tells Greer that Darnley’s been on his best behavior since his coronation, but she still feels very little for him. It’s no wonder Greer is the last lady-in-waiting standing; she is the smartest of the bunch. She thinks the real reason Mary can’t get next to Darnley is thanks to something “tall, handsome, and Scottish.” She’s talking about Bothwell, you guys! Praise be — that ponytailed babe is on his way back to court.

But first, Darnley arrives to ruin the girl chat with news. He’s heard that Queen Elizabeth has decided to marry Archduke Ferdinand, a Catholic, in an attempt to rid Mary of her Catholic advantage in the war for the English throne. If there is already a Catholic king in England, the Vatican might be compelled to drop its support for Mary’s claim. If Mary wants England, this may be her last chance to do something about it with the power she needs behind her. She needs to move in on Elizabeth now.

Darnley offers the use of his English buddies, especially his BFF Lord Barrett, to help take Elizabeth hostage in her own castle. In return, Mary pledges the full force of the Scottish army, lots of gold, and her royal seal. That seal is important, people. If the soldiers leading the attack are found with Mary’s seal, there’s no denying that Mary sanctioned the plan. If the attack fails, Mary will be facing the wrath of Elizabeth. And we all know how much the chick loves beheading people who’ve wronged her. R.I.P. Lola!

Mary and Darnley watch as their men roll out toward England with her seal — and her fate — in their hands. The two have never been more of a team. So, of course, someone’s going to ruin it. Spoiler alert: It’s Darnley. It’s always Darnley.

When the big D finds out Bothwell has returned to court, at the request of Mary no less (she was sad about James!), he is not happy. This is the Loyal Watchman who ratted him out to Mary, remember? He’s also the guy who refuses to bow to Darnley because Darnley’s English, and Bothwell would very much like to see the hills of Scotland “covered in English blood.” These two will most likely never be exchanging friendship bracelets. Although wouldn’t that be so cute? Darnley banishes Lord Ponytail from court, and Mary, trying to make the best of her marriage situation, has to go along with it.

Darnley is on a rampage. Since Mary is using his allies to take on Elizabeth, he is coming for what’s his. Or what he thinks is his. Mainly, he wants the crown matrimonial, and this time, he’s not taking no for an answer. If Mary doesn’t agree to give him such power, he’ll turn this entire plot against Elizabeth around on her.

the plan “fails.” When Elizabeth finds Mary’s seal, he’ll make sure the English queen knows this was Mary’s plan all along — since he has no real power, he’s sure Liz will let him off the hook. And you think it’s bad when your spouse forgets the milk!

Mary does the only thing she can: She calls on Lord Ponytail for help. She needs Bothwell to go to England and stop Lord Barrett before Elizabeth ever catches wind of the plan. She needs him to bring her seal back. It’s a top secret mission that she’ll have to deny if Bothwell is caught, but he already knows that he’s risking his life. He’d gladly do so for Mary — with or without her crown. Lord Ponytail is the swoony-est!

To England Bothwell and Rizzio go! To find Barrett, Mary suggests they go to the one man in England who cares for both Mary and Elizabeth so much that he’d never let anything happen to either of them: Gideon. When the well-coiffed men get an audience with Gideon, they don’t have to work too hard to get him to give up Barrett’s location. Once they tell him that Mary’s life is in danger (they skip the whole part about Mary going after Liz), he offers to help. But Gideon’s no dummy. While Bothwell and Rizzio go and stop Barrett and his men, Gideon follows them. So, although the plot against Elizabeth has been thwarted, Gideon could easily go back and tell his queen what Mary’s been up to. This will just not do for Lord Ponytail. Thankfully, Rizzio stops his friend before he can gut Gideon like a fish and reminds him that Gideon’s fate is Mary’s call. Guess who’s getting a free ride back to Scotland?!

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