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posted by australia-101
37 Rude & Crude Pick-up Lines
1. I wish tu were a door so I could slam tu all day.
2. Nice legs...what time do they open?
3. Do tu work for UPS? I thought I saw tu checking out my package.
4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
5. Can I buy tu a drink o do tu just want the money?
6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted cama Thrasher: have tu seen one?
8. I'm fighting the urge to make tu the happiest woman on earth tonight.
9. Want to play army? I'll lay down and tu can...
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This is my parte superior, arriba 14 fave sayings and frases :) Enjoy xx

14. tu got to swim out of your comfort zone to catch the wave thats going to change your life -Unknown
13.Sometimes your knight in shining armour, is just an idiot wrapped in tin foil -Unknown
12."God heals and the doctors takes the fee" -Unknown
11.Ever notice that "what the hell" is always the right decision -Marilyn Monroe
10.Remember the days when mora, blackberry and manzana, apple where just frutas -Unknown
9.When guys get jealous, its kinda cute. When girls get jealous, World War 3 is about to start -Unknown
8.You know youre in amor when tu cant fall...
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posted by hetaliaitaly
1.Ride mechanical caballos with coins fished out of the reflecting pool.

2.Try pants on backwards and Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.

3.At any clothing Stores take Heeps of stuff into the dressing room take an ipod o something and play on it while ur bored and when its time to close say "I STILL HAVE TO TRY STUFF ON IDIOT".

4.Sneeze on the comida sample's they have in woolworths.

5.At the bottom of an escalator, scream, “My shoelaces! Augh!” and pretend your stuck.

6.Ask the sales personnel at the música store whether tu can get a CD that tu know they dont have and ask really...
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posted by blossomyumyum
Here is a long riddle for tu to think about and actually READ. Who cares how long it is?

I hate my name.
I like my name.
I have a best friend.
My best friend is younger than me.
My best friend is older than me.
I have no friends.
I have too many friends.
I always answer my phone.
I never answer my phone.
I answer my phone most of the time.
I play along with prank callers.
I hate when people don’t reply to my text message/take forever to reply.
I have/had blonde hair.
I have/had brown hair.
I have/had red hair.
I have dyed my hair más than five times.
I have never dyed my hair.
I hate when people can’t...
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posted by IloveMyLord
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only por this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin

"My friends are my estate."
- Emily Dickinson

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out"
-Walter Winchell

"A friend is someone who is there for tu when he'd rather be anywhere else."
- Len Wein - Sent por Paulo Louro

"A friend is someone who knows the...
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posted by LizzyTheCat
1.Hum loudly in class and when he/she tells 'the person who is humming' to keep quiet-stop but then carry on two minutos later.

2.Tap your foot loudly when he/she is grading tests.

3.While he/she is busy explaining something, have a huge coughing fit (make sure it's loud) and don't let her finish a sentence.

4.Push your chair in and pull it out, non-stop.

5.Sigh loudly while he/she is explaining something and look longingly at a clock (or your watch if tu are wearing one) and then look out the window and sigh again.

6.Pretend to be asleep during a lesson and when tu get woken up, scream loudly...
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posted by tokidoki123
[The Simpsons] 1F02 - Homer Goes To College #255
Homer: I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F05 - Bart's Inner Child #32
Skinner: Damn...they're very slowly getting away!
Moe: They're heading for the old mill!
Homer: No we're not.
Moe: Well, let's go to the old mill anyway -- get some cider!
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[The Simpsons] 1F06 - Boy Scoutz 'N the capucha, campana #86
Homer: Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what...
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posted by tokidoki123
[Family Guy] S01E05 - A Hero Sits siguiente Door #178
Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Meg: That's such a mom answer.
Lois: Well, have tu tried mostrando him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
Meg: Creepy.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E07 - Lethal Weapons #183
Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like tu - very homosexually.
Contributed por funnytvquotes.com



[Family Guy] S03E10 - pescado Out Of Water #181
Auctioner: We'll open this auction with this pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagemire: Fifty...
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What Color Of Socks Are tu Wearing?

Red = Loud
Green = Stupid
None = Freaky
Fuzzy = Gorgeous
Yellow = Innocent
Purple = A Little Too Happy
Black = Emo
Stripes = Funny
Gray = Ugly.
rosado, rosa = Preppy
Light Blue = Sweaty
Other = Hot
White = Sexy


What Kind Of Pants Are tu Wearing?
Shorts = Cutie
Skirt/Skort = Cheerleader
Corduroy = Weirdo
Tight Jeans = Scene Kid
Ripped Jeans = Emo
Cammo = Cage Fighter
Jeans = Prep .
Pajamas = Creep
Cargo = Clown
Sweats = Athlete
Boxers = Brat
Booty Shorts = Female
Capris = Gangster
Nothing = Dare-Devil
Dickies = Weirdo
Bikini Bottoms = Tiki Girl
Other = Drug Addict


What Is Your Natural...
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posted by Wendy99
LITTLE TONY FROM BROOKLYN ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and tu shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a pregunta for YOU."

"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The segundo is gobbling down the parte superior, arriba and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the parte superior, arriba of the ice cream....
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posted by Usui--takumi
Why was Tigger looking in the bowl??
He was trying to find pooh.
There were three men on an airplane, one of them decides to bring a baby.There is a crash and only three parachutes so they leave the baby behind. When they get to the bottom they hear screaming. They find the baby on the ground. The dad of the baby says, '' How did tu get down here? ''. The baby replies, '' Me not dumb, me not silly, me hold on to daddy's willy!''
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
A pingüino, pingüino de rolling down a hill.
Yo momma so fat, when she jumps her own boobs slap her.
Yo momma so dumb AND fat,...
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posted by bizeshnakarki
I found this articulo on the internet.

1. Insist that tu are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the cama holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say tu know nothing about them.
2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors por your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as tu can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards,...
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posted by adaug
Mom:Okay kids!(4 kids)get in here!I got news!
Kennedy:What is it?
Mom:Me and your dad are going on a date
*grasshopper sound*
Mom:so tu guy will need a babysitter!


*10 minutos later the baby sitter came*
Mom:Hello!I'm Amy!
Babysitter:I'm Ashley!
Mom:DARELL!Get your butt in here!
*Mom and Dad leave*
Ashley:Hi kids!I'm your babysitter Ashley!
kids:HI!
Kid:I'm Amber!I'm four!
Ashley:Hi Amber!*ruffles hair*cute!
Amber:Never...touch...ME!!!
Ashley:OH kay!
Kid:I'm Zack!I'm 9
Ashley:Hello!


*59 minutos later*
Amber:I wuv té parties!!
Ashley*Walks in*Hey Amber what are tu doing?
Amber:Having a té party!
Ashley:Can I...
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posted by pure-angel
Dost thou amor life?
Then do not squander time,
for that is the stuff life is made of.
Benjamin Franklin

Life is either a daring adventure o nothing.
Helen Keller

Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt tu represents determinism; the way tu play it is free will.
Jawaharal Nehru








Life is like the dice that, falling, still mostrar a different face. So life, though it remains the same, is always presenting different aspects.
Alexis

Our life's a stage, a comedy: either learn to play and take it lightly, o oso, oso de its troubles patiently.
Palladas

The geat blessing of mankind are within us and...
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posted by Juilet1234
Mittens.
They warm your hands, protect tu from the cold. They're not a bad thing.
But imagine if for your whole life tu wore heavy mittens. If tu dial a phone, try to use a remote control, o try to play a board game, you're still wearing mittens. Practically everything is much más difficult.
Right there.
Practically everything is much más difficult.
Remember that.
Now imagine this.
You're in a room with the TV on full volume. The radio is blaring loud, screeching music. The lights are flickering on and off. Everything tu see is magnified, is a much bigger deal than it normally would...
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 Rose Island before its destruction
Rose Island before its destruction
-The Republic of Rose Island (Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozol in Esperanto, the official language of the once-micronation)
-Area: .04 km (4305 sq. ft.)
-Date of foundation: June 24, 1968
-Leader: President Giorgio Rosa
-Language: Esperanto
-Currency: Mill
-Location: Adriatic Sea, between Cesnatico and Rimini, Italy

The Republic of Rose Island (Esperanto: Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozoj) was a short-lived micronation on a man-made platform in the Adriatic Sea, 11 km (7 mi) off the coast of the province of Forlì, Italy.

In 1967, Italian engineer Giorgio Rosa funded the construction of a 400...
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posted by Thecharliejay
Act like a spy / secret agent for the day
Act like tu just met your friend for the first time
Act profound
Ad lib
Add some strawberries to your ice cream
Adopt strange mannerisms
Alphabetize the comida in your fridge
Announce your candidacy for President.
Annoy total strangers
Apply for a unicorn hunting license
Appreciate everything
Archive the Internet to 3.5" floppy disks (low density of course)
Arrest yourself
Ask a pregunta nobody can answer
Ask embarrassing questions
Ask for seconds
Ask people how to pronounce their name
Ask people if they want to see your “belly button treasure”
Ask...
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Liquid Plummer
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Windex
Do not spray in eyes.

Toilet Plunger
Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter
Safe to use around pets.


Bowl Fresh
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Endust Duster
This product is not defined as flammable por the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.

Baby...
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posted by pollydbookworm
*4 Boy friends*
>
> Once upon a time, there was this girl who had four
> boyfriends.
>
> She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with
> rich robes and
> treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him
> nothing but the best.
>
> She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always
> mostrando him off
> to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one
> día he would leave
> her for another.
>
> She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and
> was always kind,
> considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced...
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1. Every día at school is the same
2. tu never know if your braids look digusting o not
3. tu are so used to never talking that if somebody says something to you, never know how to react
4. tu would like to think that people notice o even think about tu but tu are really just the big ugly quiet black girl nobody knows o cares about
5. tu worry people will write nasty comentarios on your fanpop articulo that is obvioustly meant to vent your feeling out
6. On the weekend all tu do is watch tv and sleep and play with your cat
7. When tu only really have like 3 friends at school and 2 of them...
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