misceláneo Club
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1.    “I came all the way to school before I realized I still had my pyjamas on, and had to go inicial and change”

2.    “When I got here my teacher wasn’t in the classroom so I went out looking for him/her”

3.    “I was abducted por aliens for experimental purposes. I have been gone for 50 years, but fortunately in Earth time it was only (insert how late tu are here)”

4.    “I invented a time machine that took me adelante, hacia adelante to my exam results. I saw that I got straight A’s, so I thought I might as well take things easy from now on.”

5.    “I squeezed the toothpaste too hard, and spent all morning getting it back in the tube.”

6.    “My parents lost the keys to my cage.”

7.    “I was helping Little Bo Peep find her sheep.”

8.    “I’m afraid I can’t tell tu why I’m late. The government has sworn me to secrecy.”

9.    “I’m not late… everyone else is early.”

10.    "The bartender wouldn't let me leave."

11.     “It takes a lot of time to dump a body”

12.    “I wasn't late, I was just early for tomorrow.”

13.    I wasn`t late. I just failed to be on time.

14.    I didn`t want to seem to eager.

15.    "Could tu please repeat the question?" (repeat when they ask tu again)

16.    " The yellow sign painted on the road outside the school dicho 'CHILDREN SLOW', so rushing wasnt an option!! "

17.    "had a meeting with the Pope."(doesn’t work on Pope.)

18.    “I was trying to find tu a gift, (insert teachers name here)”

19.    "I feel like I'm in everyone's way if I mostrar up on time."
posted by McDreamyluva
Here's the famous 'Best Divorce Letter' por Dan to Connie, pretty hilarious, definitely a must read! xD



Dear Connie,

I know the counselor dicho we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore.

The día tu left, I swore I'd never talk to tu again but that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first on to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always tu who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride’s cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you....
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added by Crazedsitcomfan
added by swfew
added by ladycountry
added by 050801090907
added by Quirnechia
added by bvbmary15
added by XxKeithHarkinxX
Source: google
added by Ami_Mizuno
added by tamar20
added by tdafan121
added by Cantwait4book5
Source: Smarthphowned.com
added by Mallory101
As a proud visitor of forty-four of the fifty United States, I am a bit of a self-taught expert in amusing oneself on long rides in motor vehicles. Whether tu are the driver, riding shotgun, o sitting in the back, there is a plethora of ways to make dicho drive go por much faster.
One way to take a long, boring drive across the never changing flatness of Nebraska o Oklahoma, and mold it into an enjoyable spending of one’s time is to engage in a physical fight with a sibling. This works best when tu are driving and the sibling is in the back seat. It does not matter if the dicho sibling is...
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added by liridonarama96
added by gkazeuishida
posted by NatalieSunshine
1.Run with her on the beach.
2.Give her your sweater when she’s cold.
3.Never talk about other girls infront of her.
4.Learn to play the guitarra for her.
5.Comfort her when she’s scared.
6.Watch the sunset with her.
7.If she can’t sleep read her a bedtime story.
8.If tu get in a fight with her and she starts crying,just stop and hold her.
9.Never force her to do anything.
10.Call her beautifull,especially when she least expects it.
11.Never let her walk alone.
12.Play with her hair when she’s laying on your chest.
13.Always make the first move.
14.Never lie to her she’ll find out.
15.Kiss her when...
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posted by i_luv_angst
65 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Wisconsin plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Wisconsin sunbathe.

50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down.

40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt.

35 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above Zero
People in Miami all die.
Wisconsinites close the windows.

Zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico...
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added by PoddoChan
Source: F0rg0tz :P