psychopath why the girl has to be blonde with green eyes?

Insane4ever I just wanna be specific....i picked it randomly......

ScottishChic Again, I say, the idea is great but it could be developed. Like, once again, I find it very jumpy, you could add in other things, like his struggle to remember who he was, the pounding of his brain against the inside of his skull giving him a painful headache. Something like that. Please, proof read your work. I know you probably don't want to after writing it, I know I never ever do, but it's necessary to be a good author, even the famous ones have to proof read their work (or maybe they have people do that for them? Huh.) Also, work on proper punctuation. Like remember CAPS after a full stop. And try using a lists, and ":" and ";" for explanations. Only use ... (elipsis) when completely necessary, like when "the guy" is struggling to remember something, or is pausing but not through every sentence. Remember, sometimes you need long and short sentences. I'm a little confused about the layout or context, I should say. "you've already met our guy, right?" It sounds like you're narrating (telling the story to us) AS the story is going on ... did that make sense? I personally, don't think you should do that but instead pick one; either, you tell us the story like you were reading to a child from a book, or you write it as though your guy is living through this right now. I don't know why, but you repeat "hole" a lot, and it sounds a little childish, maybe it's because it's like blah, blah, hole, blah, hole, blah, blah, blah, blah, hole. Like, you need to spread it out a little more, or instead, say something like, "he climbed out of his safebed, hideout," something other than just a hole. Sorry, please do not be offended. These are just my personal thoughts. But I really do like the idea behind the story. Good luck with edits and chapter 3!!! :)

Insane4ever I made this before u commented on the other one....i was still "the begginer" xD