Overwhelmed

I watch the clouds in the sky from my windowsill slowly blanket the earth with layers of snow. The glass under my fingertips feel like ice and my breath fogs the window pane as the night folds in, casting a long shadow looming over me all the way up to my bedroom wall. I can hear the shadow whispering its malicious words in my ear, the words drilling into my already-broken soul like an old tape recorder repeating itself over and over again. Its calling to me ... provoking me ... toying with the feelings I didn’t want to feel in my bones.
I feel like a small lonely dandelion, floating away with the wind. The rain is my friend as it grants me growth and food, the sun is my brother for it has helped with my nutrients and the wind is my saviour as it carries me away, saving my petals from getting wrecked.

When my corazón is full of love, I’ve never felt más alive than ever. All my worries are but small fragments from my corazón and soul and mind and all of my fears fall away like withered petals. I am free from all things that have been emitted upon me, like a sinless ángel who falls under God’s laws from the Bible in Heaven. The countless memories I’ve spent with my precious little brother and father are but priceless and treasured, locked in my soul forever. The amor of my father isn’t all oro and filled with integrity; the bond I share with him will never break o crack, it will grow into something completely and utterly beautiful despite our ups and downs. My mother’s amor is what I shall cherish for the rest of my life until I die. There is no one else who can ever replace my mom nor take her away fully because of the amor she had laid on me.

Sometimes when my corazón is full of loneliness, there is an empty void in my chest. There is twinging pain pierced deep in my chest, the silence hidden in there screams out soundlessly but I feel the dread and hurt in its cries that course through my veins like the blood that circulates around my body. I find myself trying to attempt to hide the loneliness with a fertile mask so that the people I care for wouldn’t interfere. Loneliness has but only one purpose if being tumbled into its silence.

When my corazón is filled with hate, there is heaviness in my chest. It is not of pain but of pure anger and unforgivable wrath. The feel of hate pulsing from my corazón is something I wish could disappear from this world like a bad dream. When I am trapped within hatred’s grasps, I can feel the Devil whispering in my head like the shadows of the night, telling me to do things...to say things...that I don’t do o say intentionally. Hatred leaves me lying on the floor sobbing away with my tears filled with grief and guilt welled in my chest. Hatred is nothing brought from God, for he is Holy and stripped of sin. He is who has set me free of the sins that hatred had done to me por the Devil.

When hope overwhelms my heart, it is the greatest feeling I would treasure forever. Hope gives me belief in many things, great and small. It helps me to mover on in life and hope for a better future each day, especially for those who feel like they’re in an eternity of pain. Faith is something that something will happen and it will be granted from the Lord himself.

~Believing is the key to everything; if tu believe that God has raised his only Son from the dead tu will receive promises in life. If believing that Heaven is real and where tu want to be, it will be granted in time, as long as tu believe in jesús and our Holy Father.~