The King of Queens
The King of Queens The King of Queens frases
DoloresFreeman posted on Apr 09, 2011 at 05:32PM
Doug: Friends just keep you away from TV.
Arthur: Why do we have to sit so close to the kitchen? Is it because we're black? [Doug and Deacon are locked in a refrigerated truck with penguins] Doug: "Warning: Please retain key as refrigerated trucks are not equipped with interior door handles". Mother of ass! Deacon: Douglas S. Heffernan... whats your second name? Doug: Steven. And yours? Deacon: John. Doug: Son of a mother! Doug: My name might as well be Fatty McButterpants. Carrie: What movie do you want to see? Kelly: Something brainless. What's that thriller where the Earth starts to lose its gravitational pull? Carrie: Oh, yeah... "Floaters". Arthur: Darling, I need to borrow the iron. Carrie: Dad, I told you. If you want a grilled cheese sandwich, I will make you one. Arthur: Why can't you be more like Rain Man? Doug: All right, I'm glad you're all gathered here. Because you're about to hear the story of a driver, a swollen ankle, and get this, an iguana. Arthur: You know, we're quite a team. Like Jake and the Fatman. Needless to say, I'm Jake. Carrie: Dad, Doug and I were just thinking... Arthur: [to Doug] Well, I hope you didn't strain yourself. I kid out of love. Arthur: Ah, Paris. I haven't been back there since we liberated her in '44. The City Of Lights knew peace once more. I also got the clap, but that's a another story for another time. Arthur: It seems to have reached optimal temperature. Now hit me with a load of Dougie batter. Doug: Let's see how the waffles go and see what happens. Carrie: Is this how you take a bath? Spence: Yes. Carrie: You look like Ernie from Sesame Street. Spence: What did I do to you? Carrie: Did you lift your shirt and *make* them touch your belly hair? [Doug and Carrie are arguing about their parents] Carrie: Don't you bring my father into this! Doug: He's out of his mind! He cancelled our cable, because the cable company wouldn't pay him each time they ran the movie "Arthur"! Doug: No longer being Mastercard's bitch? Priceless! Doug: I'm going to come up with something so romantic and heartfelt it's gonna make you feel like a piece of crap! A piece of crap! Arthur: You gotta hand it to those Japanese, though, clever people. Still a mystery to me how we ever got them to surrender in the Second World War. Carrie: Well, we did annihilate two of their cities. Arthur: True enough. Mystery solved. [Arthur is moving up to sleep in the room next to Carrie and Doug's bedroom] Arthur: Well, hello there, neighbour! Doug: Hello. Why did he call me neighbour? Carrie: I'm moving him up here tonight, the basement was freezing. Doug: How freezing? [Arthur has put dirty dishes in the cupboard] Doug: No big deal. We'll just reload the dishwasher and wash 'em. Okay, which of these did you already put away? Arthur: Let's see, I definitely remember putting away a blue bowl with big white and yellow sunflowers on it. Doug: Okay, we don't own anything close to that. Arthur: What's going on? Doug: It's Carrie. The weirdest thing, every time we get together with our friends to play board games, she cheats. Arthur: She cheats? That little girl? That's impossible. Doug: Arthur, I've seen her do it. Arthur: No, no. She may put some cotton in her bra from time to time, but she does not cheat at board games! Joe Heffernan: You're out of your mind! Arthur: I've never been more in my mind! Ray Barone: What you got going on here? Log of salami, chips and cheese. I guess you're not buying in to this whole cholesterol thing, huh? Doug: I buy in to it, I just wanna see how high I can get the numbers. Arthur: Nobody squeals like Ned Beatty! Arthur: Sure, Douglas, you're white hot. You rode the frog to the top, but lady luck can be a fickle whore. [Doug is watching Gilligan's Island] Doug: Oh my god. I'm fatter than the Skipper. [Arthur wants to play golf with Doug and Ray] Arthur: What? Three people can't play golf together? It's not sex, for God's sake! Carrie: Dad, why have you been hanging around that school playground? Arthur: Business. Carrie: Not selling those dumb ribbons, I hope. Arthur: Let's just say kids will be running home to their mommies to tell them about their encounter with the Ribbon Man. Danny: [while watching Football on a portable TV during Thanksgiving Dinner] Son Of An Ass! [Doug, Deacon and Arthur are going to babysit Major and spend some time together] Kelly: Okay, honey you are all set. Here is your "see and say"... Here is pinkys, whites, towels, diapers and buttcream. Arthur: Buttcream?, where is this day headin'? [Arthur looks at Doug] Doug: Yeah, You wish! Arthur: Like I waste a wish on that, huh? [Doug answers the phone] Doug: Hello... Mhm?... Oh, hold on a second, let me get him... Arthur! Phone! Arthur: Who is it? Doug: It's Louis Di Robertis from some law firm. Arthur: Tell him to drop dead! Doug: Okay, I am not going to tell him to drop dead. Arthur: Then tell him to go to hell! Doug: Not telling him that either. Arthur: Then you go to hell! Doug: You go to hell! Arthur: Drop dead! [Doug lifts up the phone] Doug: Sorry, wrong number. Doug: Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it? (imdb.com) |
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