Reign recap: 'Blood in the Water' 

To be honest, Royals, I never expected Darnley to make it this far. Keeping the dramatic tension alive in a historical drama is tough. According to our friend History, we know that in reality, Darnley is murdered and Mary and Bothwell marry before Mary lands in an English castle to spend the rest of her days as Elizabeth’s prisoner prior to Mary’s beheading. And don’t come at me in the comments like these are spoilers — read a book once in a while! Regardless, I expected

to speed up the historical timeline (lord knows they aren’t sticklers for history…unless that sex horse impalement thing is accurate) and get rid of Darnley episodes ago. Alas, the guy is still around causing trouble for his wife…and now he has syphilis!

We watched him go mad with hallucinations of his dear, late Keira, and this week Mary finds a suspicious rash all over his back. Homegirl knows exactly what it is. She’s much more sympathetic than most wives would be toward an estranged husband who has been sleeping around and also tried to have them killed. She sends Darnley off to get treatment.

Two people are very upset about this: Lord Ponytail, who cannot believe Mary is still giving this guy a chance (drink every time Bothwell says “threat” on this show), and Lady Lennox, who thinks this is just Mary trying to get Darnley as far away from her throne and her child as possible. Lennox thinks she’s a regular ol’ Catherine de Medici. SHE IS NO CATHERINE DE MEDICI.

While Mary tries to explain to Lennox that she is only trying to help Darnley, she goes into labor. You guys, it is

. There’s lots of bleeding and crying and talk about choosing the baby’s life over hers if it comes to that. Of course Lennox uses this as an excuse to get her son back into power. She finds him convalescing, tells him it’s totally cool that he’s seeing his dead lover because it makes him happy, and that it’s time to get back to the castle. She wants him to stack the currently vacated privy council with his own supporters while Mary is indisposed. Lennox isn’t like a regular mom, she’s like…THE WORST.

Meanwhile, Mary’s getting much worse. On the plus side, Bothwell comes to her side and he is very handsome. He also, apparently, has magic powers. When Mary says her good-byes and her eyes roll into the back of her head, Bothwell tells her to fight, to come back, to not leave him. And guess what? She does. And she pops out that male heir as if it were nothing. Mary’s a mommy!

More importantly, after that entire ordeal, she now understands that she is only strengthened by love…which means Mary’s all in on Lord Ponytail. They really are a great looking couple. Things are looking up!

Just kidding. Not only does Mary have to face death and squeeze a human out of her body, but she also has to deal with her dummy husband and his mother. What a day, huh? Lennox and Darnley plan to have the privy council make Darnley Steward to the Heir, giving him full control over their son and the ability to keep Mary away from her own child. Oh, and if Mary starts telling people that Darnley’s gone mad with the syph, they’ll tell everyone it was Mary who gave it to him. So, I guess, things are looking down.

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