1. We aren’t mind readers!
2. We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
3. When tu sleep over never boss me around in cama unless it is during sex.
4. Smoking is the biggest turn off.
5. It never hurts to work out.
6. If tu don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask the question.
7. “Fine” o “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.
8. If tu want sex, just ask. (In case tu didn’t already know.)
9. Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).
10. Only modelos are able to wear most of the stuff tu see in fashion magazines.
11. No guy will complain if he comes inicial and sees tu in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, o just plain naked.
12. tu don’t need ropa interior to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank parte superior, arriba are fine por us.
13. Girls look good naked so stop worrying.
14. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.
15. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that tu may enjoy, just let us know.
16. Every so often no matter whether it is true o not remind us that we have the biggest penis you’ve ever dealt with.
17. If were not getting amor we’ll start looking…(haha…just kidding…psych…I’m dead serious)
18. The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.
19. Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person.
20. If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won’t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior.
21. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.
22. tu shouldn’t be flattered o grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. All we need is Friction.
23. Porn…hmmm…Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop.
24. We masturbate, usually más when we are in a relationship, can’t explain it but it is just fact.
25. Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn’t your parents teach tu not to quit.
26. Giving head is never a bad idea.
27. We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so ducha, ducha de with us.
28. There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) tu on parte superior, arriba of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast.
29. We don’t mind going to gay cine with tu but don’t tell our friends.
30. tu can’t hold it against us if we cry after sports cine o “Old yeller.”
31. “The game is on” is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
32. Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged.
33. You’re probably not as funny as tu think.
34. Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one más girl say “he’s so hot” he may have to die.
35. Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week. (Influenced por a Maxim article)
36. Cooking makes a girl that much más attractive especially if she can use a grill.
37. tu can’t get mad if we refuse to hook up your “ugly friend” with one of our friends.
38. For every fart that slips out when tu are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.
39. If we want to take naked pictures of tu it is because we are proud and want to mostrar tu off to our friends.
40. The red light means the video camera is off.
41. A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether tu want to do it with the lights on o off.
42. Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream also Altoids just don’t make your breath fresher.
43. Nothing tu will ever do will entitle tu to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.)
44. The only thing left to be dicho after sex is “goodnight.”
45. Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play más often.
46. Critiquing our driving is only segundo to critiquing our amor making.
47. Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer preguntas we could be castrated.
48. If tu ask us to go shopping tu have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.
49. The jeans don’t make your culo look fat. Your fat culo makes your culo look fat.
50. 99.5% of the time we didn’t mean to hurt you.
2. We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
3. When tu sleep over never boss me around in cama unless it is during sex.
4. Smoking is the biggest turn off.
5. It never hurts to work out.
6. If tu don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask the question.
7. “Fine” o “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.
8. If tu want sex, just ask. (In case tu didn’t already know.)
9. Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).
10. Only modelos are able to wear most of the stuff tu see in fashion magazines.
11. No guy will complain if he comes inicial and sees tu in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, o just plain naked.
12. tu don’t need ropa interior to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank parte superior, arriba are fine por us.
13. Girls look good naked so stop worrying.
14. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.
15. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that tu may enjoy, just let us know.
16. Every so often no matter whether it is true o not remind us that we have the biggest penis you’ve ever dealt with.
17. If were not getting amor we’ll start looking…(haha…just kidding…psych…I’m dead serious)
18. The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.
19. Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person.
20. If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won’t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior.
21. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.
22. tu shouldn’t be flattered o grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. All we need is Friction.
23. Porn…hmmm…Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop.
24. We masturbate, usually más when we are in a relationship, can’t explain it but it is just fact.
25. Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn’t your parents teach tu not to quit.
26. Giving head is never a bad idea.
27. We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so ducha, ducha de with us.
28. There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) tu on parte superior, arriba of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast.
29. We don’t mind going to gay cine with tu but don’t tell our friends.
30. tu can’t hold it against us if we cry after sports cine o “Old yeller.”
31. “The game is on” is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
32. Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged.
33. You’re probably not as funny as tu think.
34. Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one más girl say “he’s so hot” he may have to die.
35. Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week. (Influenced por a Maxim article)
36. Cooking makes a girl that much más attractive especially if she can use a grill.
37. tu can’t get mad if we refuse to hook up your “ugly friend” with one of our friends.
38. For every fart that slips out when tu are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.
39. If we want to take naked pictures of tu it is because we are proud and want to mostrar tu off to our friends.
40. The red light means the video camera is off.
41. A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether tu want to do it with the lights on o off.
42. Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream also Altoids just don’t make your breath fresher.
43. Nothing tu will ever do will entitle tu to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.)
44. The only thing left to be dicho after sex is “goodnight.”
45. Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play más often.
46. Critiquing our driving is only segundo to critiquing our amor making.
47. Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer preguntas we could be castrated.
48. If tu ask us to go shopping tu have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.
49. The jeans don’t make your culo look fat. Your fat culo makes your culo look fat.
50. 99.5% of the time we didn’t mean to hurt you.
#9 Have one of your friends hit tu on the back and spit out a piece of white gum o a tic-tak, this will make people think they broke your tooth.
#8 Go to the mall and ask people if they have change for the payphone. Don't stop until tu have $20 o more.
#7 If tu have to write a story for English class, write: Once upon a time, The end, and turn it in.
#6 After a lesson, if the teacher ask if there are any questions, ask something completely randon like "Where do bebés come from?"
#5 If the teacher leaves during the middle of a movie, get up and change the channel to Spongebob o música videos.
#4 Go around canto the Free Credit Report.com songs.
#3 Go around hitting people on the head and say: "Could've had a v8."
#2 Get a bra and use it to shoot eggs at people.
#1 When the intercom comes on, drop to your knees and yell, "NO! It's those voices again!
