HOW TO INSTALL SOFTWARE
1. Examine the software packaging until tu find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system tu need to run the software. It should look something like this:
SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
2386 PROCESSOR o HIGHER
628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM
719.7 MB FREE DISK el espacio
3546 MB RAM
432323 MB ROM
05948737 MB RPM ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM
NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.
2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and troubleshooting the software. Throw it away.
3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette o a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says:
LICENSING AGREEMENT:
por breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide por all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter and the Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's inicial and examine the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it o leave it, until death do us part, one nation indivisible, por the dawn's early light,....finders keepers, losers weepers, thanks you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip your servers.
4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer."
5. If tu have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
6. Turn the computer on, tu idiot.
7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
8. tu will hear grinding and whirring noises for awhile, after which the following message should appear on your screen:
The installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be honest:
+-------+ +--------+ | YES | | SURE | +-------+ +--------+
9. After tu make your selection, tu will hear grinding and whirring for a very long time while the installation program does God knows what in there. Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new device, such as a comida processor. At the very least, the installation program will create many new directories, sub-directories, sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha."
10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display the following message:
CONGRATULATIONS The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer and has grown bored. tu may now attempt to run your software. If tu experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia, shortness of breath, nasal discharge, o intestinal parasites, tu should immediately *!@!$)$%@&*^)$*!#$_$.
11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.
12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you, in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12.
1. Examine the software packaging until tu find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system tu need to run the software. It should look something like this:
SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
2386 PROCESSOR o HIGHER
628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM
719.7 MB FREE DISK el espacio
3546 MB RAM
432323 MB ROM
05948737 MB RPM ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM
NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.
2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and troubleshooting the software. Throw it away.
3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette o a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says:
LICENSING AGREEMENT:
por breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide por all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter and the Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's inicial and examine the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it o leave it, until death do us part, one nation indivisible, por the dawn's early light,....finders keepers, losers weepers, thanks you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip your servers.
4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer."
5. If tu have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
6. Turn the computer on, tu idiot.
7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.
8. tu will hear grinding and whirring noises for awhile, after which the following message should appear on your screen:
The installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be honest:
+-------+ +--------+ | YES | | SURE | +-------+ +--------+
9. After tu make your selection, tu will hear grinding and whirring for a very long time while the installation program does God knows what in there. Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new device, such as a comida processor. At the very least, the installation program will create many new directories, sub-directories, sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of mysterious files with names like "puree.exe," "fester.dat," and "doo.wha."
10. When the installation program is finished, your screen should display the following message:
CONGRATULATIONS The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer and has grown bored. tu may now attempt to run your software. If tu experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia, shortness of breath, nasal discharge, o intestinal parasites, tu should immediately *!@!$)$%@&*^)$*!#$_$.
11. At this point your computer system should become less functional than the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.
12. Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you, in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12.
"Do tu hear that?"Alicia asked."What?"Henry and Sarah asked."That,that,that sound.It's like."Alicia banged the floor."No.I don't hear anything."Said Sarah."Come here."Alicia said.
They got out.
Alicia beckoned them.
"There!It's getting louder!"
The banging continued.
Alicia found herself in the woods.
She stopped.
Henry and Sarah caught up to her.
Alicia covered her mouth.
"What.Is.I-i-it?"Alicia asked.
Down the steep hill.Was a door the door was buried in the ground.under leaves.
The three friends stepped down.The noise grew louder.Henry and Sarah could hear it now.
Alicia was down first.She saw a keyhole.Alicia looked for the key.
"ALICIA!"Sarah said.
Alicia looked down,stopped her foot from going down,And backed up.A blood puddle.
"Oh my go-"
"The key!It's in the blood!"Henry said.
"Ew!I'm not picking it up!"Alicia said.
Sarah looked around and pushed Henry forward.
Henry picked up the key,And put it in the keyhole...
They got out.
Alicia beckoned them.
"There!It's getting louder!"
The banging continued.
Alicia found herself in the woods.
She stopped.
Henry and Sarah caught up to her.
Alicia covered her mouth.
"What.Is.I-i-it?"Alicia asked.
Down the steep hill.Was a door the door was buried in the ground.under leaves.
The three friends stepped down.The noise grew louder.Henry and Sarah could hear it now.
Alicia was down first.She saw a keyhole.Alicia looked for the key.
"ALICIA!"Sarah said.
Alicia looked down,stopped her foot from going down,And backed up.A blood puddle.
"Oh my go-"
"The key!It's in the blood!"Henry said.
"Ew!I'm not picking it up!"Alicia said.
Sarah looked around and pushed Henry forward.
Henry picked up the key,And put it in the keyhole...
2. Troll. If tu troll, tu will be banned in 10 segundos flat and nobody will feel sorry for tu when tu whine about your old account being banned.
3. Speak 1337. if u t4lk li3k d3s, nobody will take tu seriously.
4. Talk trash about Hetalia. I don't like Hetalia, but I don't talk trash about it. The fangirls will rape tu with hate if tu say rude things.
5. Be anything like dudelol17.
Taylor:*Wakes up*LIZZIE!*panting*
Lizzie:Taylor!Taylor,Calm down.
Taylor's P.O.V:
I looked around and saw Charm,Amber,Amy,and Lizzie.
Taylor:What?Wait what happened??
Amy:You were outside,Had scratches on your arm,so we drove tu to the hospital.
I looked at my arm,A scratch ran down my arm,My eyes got huge.
Lizzie:It's okay!You're okay!
Then Amber turned on the TV.
Lady on news:Today Johnathan Jonesmen was arrested for murdering his wife.And today,his 3 daughters are in a orphanage.And his oldest daughter,Taylor is in the hospital.
I started to get dizzy.I almost dozed off when.
Lizzie:Taylor,Here *hand a bracelet*
The Bracelet had five rhinestones, and 5 charms.One had a little girl dancing,The segundo one was a key,The third one had a corazón lock,The fourth one had a lock,The fifth one had Locket,I opened it up.I saw a foto of Me and Lizzie.
Lizzie:Taylor!Taylor,Calm down.
Taylor's P.O.V:
I looked around and saw Charm,Amber,Amy,and Lizzie.
Taylor:What?Wait what happened??
Amy:You were outside,Had scratches on your arm,so we drove tu to the hospital.
I looked at my arm,A scratch ran down my arm,My eyes got huge.
Lizzie:It's okay!You're okay!
Then Amber turned on the TV.
Lady on news:Today Johnathan Jonesmen was arrested for murdering his wife.And today,his 3 daughters are in a orphanage.And his oldest daughter,Taylor is in the hospital.
I started to get dizzy.I almost dozed off when.
Lizzie:Taylor,Here *hand a bracelet*
The Bracelet had five rhinestones, and 5 charms.One had a little girl dancing,The segundo one was a key,The third one had a corazón lock,The fourth one had a lock,The fifth one had Locket,I opened it up.I saw a foto of Me and Lizzie.
There once lived a 10 año old girl named,Scarlett.
Her family lived in a Big,HUGE,Mansion.
S:Mom!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!
M:If I say Fine,will tu stop?
S:YES!!!
M:Yes.
S:(Hugs mom)THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!WOO HO!!
Scarlett ran up to call her 3 friends,Nancy,Penny,and Chloe.
S:(Calls)SHE dicho YES!!!
Then her brother,Ethan,Came in,holding a bag of chips.
E:SHUT UP,SCARLETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
S:SHHHHUUUUTT UUUUPPP!!!
Then he stomped out.
M:Scarlett!I just remembered!I have to work tomorrow!
S:So?We're responsible,Mom!Besides,(mumbles)Ethan...is....(gulp,pretends to barf)Responsible.
M:Um...I don't know
S:Don't make me say it...AGAIN!
M:Fine!!But tu have to help me with the groceries!
S:(Makes face)Fine!Last deal!
M:Come on!
--------------------------------------------------
TO BE CONTINUED!
Her family lived in a Big,HUGE,Mansion.
S:Mom!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!
M:If I say Fine,will tu stop?
S:YES!!!
M:Yes.
S:(Hugs mom)THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!WOO HO!!
Scarlett ran up to call her 3 friends,Nancy,Penny,and Chloe.
S:(Calls)SHE dicho YES!!!
Then her brother,Ethan,Came in,holding a bag of chips.
E:SHUT UP,SCARLETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
S:SHHHHUUUUTT UUUUPPP!!!
Then he stomped out.
M:Scarlett!I just remembered!I have to work tomorrow!
S:So?We're responsible,Mom!Besides,(mumbles)Ethan...is....(gulp,pretends to barf)Responsible.
M:Um...I don't know
S:Don't make me say it...AGAIN!
M:Fine!!But tu have to help me with the groceries!
S:(Makes face)Fine!Last deal!
M:Come on!
--------------------------------------------------
TO BE CONTINUED!
Teacher:Okay Suzi go to the map and find North America.
Suzi:Right here!
Teacher:Good job!Now Bobby,who discovered America?
Bobby:Suzi Did!
god I cracked up today!
------------------------------------------------
Speaking of today!My class gotta go to our 'BOOK BUDDIES' Class room and help make gingerbread houses!My book buddy's name was Addy,(mine is Abby!)Anyways!It was like...SPRINKLE CITY!!If tu were an ant,You would drown in sprinkles!!!!!!!!!GOD
My friend ,Sam,Was siguiente to me...and she had like 50 spaz attacks!She was super hyped up!!!!Wow!They really shouldn't Put dulces in front of her!And I just can't stand the sprinkles!!!!God!I almost devoured the icing!There was like M&Ms,Gummy Drops,
dulces Canes,Nerds(one girl was like' Oh my god i amor these!),a lot más too!Plus my friend Sam made a story called 'The Black Dragons' Kinda like The girl with the dragon tattoo!Listening to Taylor Swift's"Permanent marker"!Love it!
BYE GUTS AND GURLS!
Suzi:Right here!
Teacher:Good job!Now Bobby,who discovered America?
Bobby:Suzi Did!
god I cracked up today!
------------------------------------------------
Speaking of today!My class gotta go to our 'BOOK BUDDIES' Class room and help make gingerbread houses!My book buddy's name was Addy,(mine is Abby!)Anyways!It was like...SPRINKLE CITY!!If tu were an ant,You would drown in sprinkles!!!!!!!!!GOD
My friend ,Sam,Was siguiente to me...and she had like 50 spaz attacks!She was super hyped up!!!!Wow!They really shouldn't Put dulces in front of her!And I just can't stand the sprinkles!!!!God!I almost devoured the icing!There was like M&Ms,Gummy Drops,
dulces Canes,Nerds(one girl was like' Oh my god i amor these!),a lot más too!Plus my friend Sam made a story called 'The Black Dragons' Kinda like The girl with the dragon tattoo!Listening to Taylor Swift's"Permanent marker"!Love it!
BYE GUTS AND GURLS!