Okay, I'll start.

WWPD if he caught Rico and Kowalski kissing? (Sorry, I couldn't resistXD)

He would probably say something like: "What on earth are you two doing?!? Is the Love U Laser on the fritz or something?!" and cover his eyes. XD

WWPD if he found out that unicorns were real?

(XD I'm really sorry, I just love Kico so much! Don't know why.)

He would do that weird scream he did when Skipper found the box of 'Moon-horses.'

WWPD if...let's see. Ooh, I know! WWPD if a beautiful penguin lady just his age moved in! (Fanfiction idea, maybe?XD)

(^Hey, it's cool. I really think that's what Private would say though. XD And PLEASE don't get me started on more fanfic ideas!!! I already have like 7 on my...uh...what am I gonna call it...waiting list? XD)

He would be all shy and try to get to know her but probably hide it from Skipper because he wouldn't want him to be mad at him. :3

WWPD if he found out one of the other penguins were scheduled to be transferred out of the zoo? (Here I am telling you to not give me fanfic ideas. *slaps myself* XD)

XD

Um...I'm gonna guess he would maybe faint.

WWPD if Skipper and Julien switched brains and then Kowalski's mind switching machine broke?

Eh, he'd probably give Kowalski 'The Look' (maybe the stinkeye too XD) then try to keep Julien (in Skipper's body) from creeping everybody out in the zoo. XD

WWPD if Julien ate his peanut butter winkies again?

(^XD)

He would probably say something like: What? You ate them all again? I thought you didn't like them?

WWPD if Marlene fell in love with him? (I couldn't think of anything good.)

He would probably try to let her down easy, considering she's too old for him and he seems to just consider her more as a friend.

(You notice how each of the answers start with 'He'd probably'? XD)

WWPD if Skipper promised never to slap him again?

(^Hmmm...yea, you're right.)

He'd probably....oh, I did it again.XD He'd probably ask if he could not slap Kowalski or Rico either. Or just giggle happily and skip away.

WWPD if Mort wanted his Lunacorn toy?

(Sorry I forgot about this. Working on a stupid project in school. -_-)

Most likely give it to him and buy himself a new one. He's just so tenderhearted.

WWPD if Skipper ate his winkies?

(Eh, it's fine.)

Private: Skipper...my...my winkies. All gone! *crazed expression*
Skipper: *backs away* it's okay, Private, we'll get you some more...

WWPD if...if....uh, uh, uh, uh...ooh! WWPD if he found out faerie are real? (Or fairy, if you prefer that spelling.) :P

See? See? I TOLD you that magical creatures exist! You just have to believe in your dreams! :D
Skipper: *facepalm* UGH! >.<

WWPD if Rico hid all of his lunacorn dolls from him?

(I hate it when my fave forums die. >.<)

He'd probably just beg him to tell him where they are. :3

WWPD if he found out that Skipper was a secret lunacorn fan? :O XD