Nathan: (wanking in his coffin) Ah… Take it to the edge. Oh! Pull it back… Pull it back… Oh! Make it last, tu little tease! Okay, crank it up! Crank it up! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! tu amor it, tu beautiful bastard!
Kelly: So if you’re not dead, how come tu smell so bad?
Nathan: I appear to have shat myself.
Alisha: Were tu having a wank in there?
Nathan: Yeah, so what if I was? A man can’t enjoy a quick shuffle in his own coffin? It’s not like I was expecting visitors.
Nathan: I need to eat. Has anyone got a kebab?
Nathan: Yeah, so my mum opens the door and she’s like ‘Aaaaaaahh!’...