HILLARIOUS HOUSE NUMBER ONe ♥ House: Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interests of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chit-chat later, I'm Dr. Gregory House. tu can call me Greg. I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning. Dr. Cuddy: Short, sweet, grab a file. House: This rayo, ray of sunshine is Dr. Lisa Cuddy. Dr. Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a board-certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I'm also the only doctor currently employed at this clinic who's forced to be here against his will. That is true, isn't it? But not to worry, because for most of tu this job could be done por a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying tu may see me reach for this. It's Vicodin - it's mine, tu can't have any. And no, I do not have a pain-management problem, I have a pain problem. But who knows - maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me? [Everyone stares.] And who would rather wait for one of the other two guys? [Everyone raises their hands.] Well, I'll be in Exam Room 1 if tu change your mind.