Chapter 4
I slowly drifted off into a deep slumber. This was something I hadn’t done in a year. Slowly I felt my guard slip and then fall, leaving me vulnerable and open to anything. I felt myself drifting at first but then my vision cleared almost like riding on a plane and finally coming out the other side of the clouds. I was standing and Kelsey was right there in front of me. I stared open mouthed at her. She looked like an angel. She was dressed in all white, and the only things missing were her wings and halo.
“Kelsey,” I cried and reached out.
“Yes,” she smiled. “Carrie I’m here to tell tu something really important.”
“Oh my god, Kelsey,” I cried. “Where are you? Why haven’t tu been listening? Is there such thing as Heaven? Does God exist? Are tu an angel?” I threw one pregunta right after the other.
“Slow down.” She smiled softly. “No how are you?” She tilted her head to the side.
“Oh no of course, how are you?”
“I’m fine, but Carrie I need to tell tu something.” She tried pleading. I was just too happy to see her, plus I knew the longer I took asking preguntas the más time I got with her. Almost as if she was lectura my thoughts she said, “We have to hurry, I don’t have long. Please remember this. Number one try not to be so hard on yourself, tu are alive for a reason, so start actuación like it. Number two tu need to give mom a break she’s going through a lot más than you’ll ever know. Number three if tu can’t find any other reason to stay alive, stay alive for me. Number four I amor tu and I hear you. Number five and please remember this one; keep the black s…”
Before she could finish I was ripped back to the real world. What was she trying to tell me? She dicho it was important. I trashed until my body was shocked with pain. I opened my eyes to see Doctor Lindy, my mother, some guy, and Gregory in the room. My mother wore an expression of anger and I could tell she was pissed. Doctor Lindy stood por my head. “The nurse here will be putting on the temporary cast and then teaching tu how to use your crutches.”
“I don’t need a lesson.” I dicho blandly while staring at my mother. I knew she was to blame for my being ripped from Kelsey.
“Oh have tu used them before?” Doctor Lindy tried to ask casually.
“Yes, last año when I had a car accident.”
“Oh,” Doctor Lindy exclaimed. “Well I’m sorry to hear that.”
“So am I.” I whispered. The nurse tried not to touch my ankle but it was inevitable and even without him touching it I felt like my ankle was being pushed and pulled and it hurt worse than anything I had ever experienced, including the car crash injuries. I held my breath until the nurse stepped away and decided that was as good as it was getting.
“Can I go home?” I whined.
“Yes.” Doctor Lindy said. “We’ve already set up your appointment through your mom. We also gave her a prescription for some pain meds. I would suggest getting it filled.” She smiled and walked out of the room. The nurse guy put the crutches beside the cama and then smiled and left. Gregory exited immediately after the nurse, leaving me alone with my mom. Oh boy this will be fun, I thought.
“Carrie I cannot believe tu just took off with the car like that. Do tu know how scared I was? Do tu have any idea how stupid that was?” I just sat up and leaned over to get my crutches completely ignoring her. I slowly slid off the cama and let my left foot touch the floor while holding my right foot parallel to the floor. “Carrie are tu even listening?”
“Yes.” I growled. “I’m kind of busy if tu hadn’t noticed trying not to be in pain.” I crutched out the door. She grabbed the door behind me and we walked out in silence.
“Where’s the car parked?” My mother asked.
“I don’t know.” I nearly screamed. “Just come o.”
“Why don’t tu know where the car is? Did tu not drive?” I turned and looked her straight in the eyes.
“I was kind of busy driving with my left, trying not to crash, trying not to park illegally, trying not to scream in pain, so no I don’t know where the car is.”
“Don’t tu dare talk to me like that!” I turned and left her as I went searching she followed silently. Finally, I thought. A little peace and quiet doesn’t hurt, now does it? I directed my thoughts at my mother. A few minutos later I found the car.
“There.” I pointed at the car three aisles over. I began hobbling over there. Going in between cars on crutches is almost impossible. Now I remembered why I never really used them. They are a pain, and my arms were already hurting. I got to the car and then balanced on the crutches while I reached in my pocket and grabbed the keys. I unlocked the car and then got in the passenger side. My mom just climbed in without saying a word, backing out and head in the opposite way from the hospital.
“There must be a CVS o something somewhere close by.” My mother stated to no one in particular. After driving another thirty minutos my mom finally stooped to ask for directions from some Chinese man behind a convenience counter who informed us that we were about five minutos from a pharmacy. “I’m just going to go in and fill this then I’ll be right out. Lock the doors.” My mother told me like I was five. I rolled my eyes.
“Whatever. I’m not five I know what to do.”
“I wasn’t treating tu like tu were five,’ my mother replied testily. I watched as she got out of the car taking the keys. She locked the car as soon as she got out. I threw her a thumb’s up and then rolled my eyes. God why did she have to treat me like a five año old, I thought. It took thirty minutos before she returned. “Sorry it took so long.” She stated without a hint of remorse in her voice.
“I’m sure tu are.” I dicho sarcastically.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that tu are driving me crazy, and it means when tu say sorry like that it makes people not believe your apology.”
“I can never say anything right, can I?” She yelled. “Is there anything else I can do for tu princess?”
“Yes,” I spat, “Get me home; so that I can get as far away from tu as possible.”
“Fine,” She growled. “Anything else your royal highness?”
“Yes, stop talking to me.” I looked out the window. My mom started the car and began speeding home. I only say speeding because as I stared out of my window the world passed in swirls of color and patterns. When the car stopped I tried to get out as fast as I could. My mom didn’t even turn around she just unlocked the front door and walked inside leaving the door open. I hobbled up to the door, and tried to balance on my crutches while I closed the door. Falling over as I tried to mover adelante, hacia adelante to close the door with a loud thump, my ankle now on fire. “UGH!” I screamed. “THANKS SO MUCH FOR CLOSING THE DOOR!” I yelled knowing she couldn’t hear me anyways because she had already probably taken más sleeping pills. I laid on the floor for a couple of minutos just crying. Crying out of frustration, crying because I felt so alone, crying because of the pain radiating out of my ankle, crying just because I had nothing else left to do. I was so angry. After crying for a few minutos I tried to get up pressing my back against the muro while balancing on my left foot. Slowly crawling up the muro while holding my crutches then going over to the dining room mesa, tabla where the bag with my prescription sat. I tore the bag open, dumping the contents on the table. I looked at the label for the prescription, Tylenol with Codeine, great I hope this works, I thought. I took two not even looking at the recommended amount. Not grabbing water I just shoved the pills in my mouth and swallowed. The pills tasted disgusting going down but once I’d swallowed I began making my way towards my room. As I collapsed on my cama not bothering to put my feet on it I closed my eyes and tried to drift away. The pain began to dull a little, but after trying to sleep for an hora I decided to get up and go get another two. I made my way to the kitchen/dining room and decided to grab water, bringing it back to the mesa, tabla with me. Then opening the bottle and swallowing back another two with a nice big drink of water. I decided to not even bother to go back to my room; I decided that I might as well stay here. I laid my head down on the table, noticing after thirty minutos that the pain had almost disappeared. I let myself slip into a deep sleep.
As my dream began to form I realized it wasn’t the one I wanted. I watched as the eighteen wheeler smashed into us. I began freaking out, trying to tell myself it was dream, trying desperately to wake up, but I couldn’t. I was then turned to face a different direction, I was the truck driver. I watched in fear as I attempted to slam on the brakes. My truck plowed right into the back of that little car. I watched as it spun into oncoming traffic and hit two other cars before coming to rest on the other side of the highway. Traffic slowed and then stopped completely. I just sat there not knowing what to do.
Then my perspective changed again and I was a mom with two kids sitting in the back asiento fighting over who was right. I turned around for one segundo to tell them to be quiet but as I turned the car in the lane siguiente to us spun and headed right for the car. I turned to get control but couldn’t stop the collision, the other car graced the front of ours, luckily just ripping off the front bumper. As the other car spun I could see the blood on the windshield. I began screaming and then broke down crying as I watched it get hit por another car.
I was then sucked back to my own reality and then opened my eyes to see blood everywhere. Looking almost like in slow motion over to Kelsey, but she wasn’t there. Where was she? Even in my dream state I knew this was wrong. This wasn’t how it happened. I tried to close my eyes and open them again but my eyes just wouldn’t cooperate. Then I realized something odd. My eyes weren’t open. I began furiously trying to open them, but I couldn’t. Open I kept chanting but it wasn’t working. I felt like I was suffocating.
When I woke up my neck was craned and my mom was shaking me. “Carrie wake up.” She cried.
“What’s wrong?” I dicho groggily and angrily.
“Oh my god, I thought tu had overdosed o something.” It was then that I caught the pills scattered on the table.
“You counted my pills.” I exclaimed.
“What else was I supposed to do, I didn’t know why tu wouldn’t wake up, and I had to do something.”
“Whatever,” I began to collect my pills. “Two pills weren’t working.” I stated like it wasn’t a big deal.
“Whatever? Do tu realize tu are only supposed to take one?” She asked.
“Do tu realize that tu are only supposed to take two pills for sleeping of tu can’t fall asleep after one, and you’re definitely not supposed to take four in one night?” I asked accusingly.
“That is none of your concern.”
“I’m going to my room, bye.” I got up but she grabbed my arm. I looked down at her hand and then looked up into her eyes. I saw something there but it wasn’t sorrow o concern but hardness.
“I’m registering tu for classes today, tu need to get dressed and then get in the car.” She said.
“What’s the point?’
“What’s the point to what?” My mother asked.
“What’s the point in registering when I have surgery tomorrow? tu might as well just wait.” I explained to her like a five año old.
“Don’t treat me like I’m stupid o a child.” She gripped m arm tighter. “You will go register for classes today because it takes a few days to get everything set up and tu will be attending school on Monday.”
“That’s what tu think.” I whispered.
“What was that?” She asked in a motherly tone.
“Release my arm.” I said. She just stared at me like I was speaking a foreign language. When she didn’t release my arm I just pulled as hard as I could which knocked me off balance; causing me to fall into the coffee mesa, tabla in the middle of the kitchen. My mom went to grab for me. “Don’t touch me.” I growled.
“I’m so sorry.” She looked teary.
“Just leave me alone.” I crutched into my room and then changed. Luckily the pain killers hadn’t totally taken over because when I had to put my right pants leg on it would have hurt a lot worse. I gasped as my ankle touched the side of my pants. As I hobbled out to the cocina I noticed my mother sitting at the dining room mesa, tabla with her head in her hands. Good, I thought, tu should feel bad. But then I heard her whisper Kelsey’s name, my breathe caught in my throat, partially because I couldn’t believe she was saying her name, and partially because it wasn’t that she felt guilty about what she’d done to me, she just felt guilty about Kelsey.
“You ready to leave?” I asked.
“Yes.” She turned to me. She grabbed the keys off the mesa, tabla and then unlocked and opened the front door. Leaving it open for me to get out. I hobbled out and listened as the front door closed and then locked. As I struggled to get in all I could think is; Kelsey kill me, because it hurt like hell getting in and out of the car. The whole way there I tried not to think, not to look at the scenery passing, not to even feel. Please let me go numb, I sent a silent prayer to Kelsey.
I slowly drifted off into a deep slumber. This was something I hadn’t done in a year. Slowly I felt my guard slip and then fall, leaving me vulnerable and open to anything. I felt myself drifting at first but then my vision cleared almost like riding on a plane and finally coming out the other side of the clouds. I was standing and Kelsey was right there in front of me. I stared open mouthed at her. She looked like an angel. She was dressed in all white, and the only things missing were her wings and halo.
“Kelsey,” I cried and reached out.
“Yes,” she smiled. “Carrie I’m here to tell tu something really important.”
“Oh my god, Kelsey,” I cried. “Where are you? Why haven’t tu been listening? Is there such thing as Heaven? Does God exist? Are tu an angel?” I threw one pregunta right after the other.
“Slow down.” She smiled softly. “No how are you?” She tilted her head to the side.
“Oh no of course, how are you?”
“I’m fine, but Carrie I need to tell tu something.” She tried pleading. I was just too happy to see her, plus I knew the longer I took asking preguntas the más time I got with her. Almost as if she was lectura my thoughts she said, “We have to hurry, I don’t have long. Please remember this. Number one try not to be so hard on yourself, tu are alive for a reason, so start actuación like it. Number two tu need to give mom a break she’s going through a lot más than you’ll ever know. Number three if tu can’t find any other reason to stay alive, stay alive for me. Number four I amor tu and I hear you. Number five and please remember this one; keep the black s…”
Before she could finish I was ripped back to the real world. What was she trying to tell me? She dicho it was important. I trashed until my body was shocked with pain. I opened my eyes to see Doctor Lindy, my mother, some guy, and Gregory in the room. My mother wore an expression of anger and I could tell she was pissed. Doctor Lindy stood por my head. “The nurse here will be putting on the temporary cast and then teaching tu how to use your crutches.”
“I don’t need a lesson.” I dicho blandly while staring at my mother. I knew she was to blame for my being ripped from Kelsey.
“Oh have tu used them before?” Doctor Lindy tried to ask casually.
“Yes, last año when I had a car accident.”
“Oh,” Doctor Lindy exclaimed. “Well I’m sorry to hear that.”
“So am I.” I whispered. The nurse tried not to touch my ankle but it was inevitable and even without him touching it I felt like my ankle was being pushed and pulled and it hurt worse than anything I had ever experienced, including the car crash injuries. I held my breath until the nurse stepped away and decided that was as good as it was getting.
“Can I go home?” I whined.
“Yes.” Doctor Lindy said. “We’ve already set up your appointment through your mom. We also gave her a prescription for some pain meds. I would suggest getting it filled.” She smiled and walked out of the room. The nurse guy put the crutches beside the cama and then smiled and left. Gregory exited immediately after the nurse, leaving me alone with my mom. Oh boy this will be fun, I thought.
“Carrie I cannot believe tu just took off with the car like that. Do tu know how scared I was? Do tu have any idea how stupid that was?” I just sat up and leaned over to get my crutches completely ignoring her. I slowly slid off the cama and let my left foot touch the floor while holding my right foot parallel to the floor. “Carrie are tu even listening?”
“Yes.” I growled. “I’m kind of busy if tu hadn’t noticed trying not to be in pain.” I crutched out the door. She grabbed the door behind me and we walked out in silence.
“Where’s the car parked?” My mother asked.
“I don’t know.” I nearly screamed. “Just come o.”
“Why don’t tu know where the car is? Did tu not drive?” I turned and looked her straight in the eyes.
“I was kind of busy driving with my left, trying not to crash, trying not to park illegally, trying not to scream in pain, so no I don’t know where the car is.”
“Don’t tu dare talk to me like that!” I turned and left her as I went searching she followed silently. Finally, I thought. A little peace and quiet doesn’t hurt, now does it? I directed my thoughts at my mother. A few minutos later I found the car.
“There.” I pointed at the car three aisles over. I began hobbling over there. Going in between cars on crutches is almost impossible. Now I remembered why I never really used them. They are a pain, and my arms were already hurting. I got to the car and then balanced on the crutches while I reached in my pocket and grabbed the keys. I unlocked the car and then got in the passenger side. My mom just climbed in without saying a word, backing out and head in the opposite way from the hospital.
“There must be a CVS o something somewhere close by.” My mother stated to no one in particular. After driving another thirty minutos my mom finally stooped to ask for directions from some Chinese man behind a convenience counter who informed us that we were about five minutos from a pharmacy. “I’m just going to go in and fill this then I’ll be right out. Lock the doors.” My mother told me like I was five. I rolled my eyes.
“Whatever. I’m not five I know what to do.”
“I wasn’t treating tu like tu were five,’ my mother replied testily. I watched as she got out of the car taking the keys. She locked the car as soon as she got out. I threw her a thumb’s up and then rolled my eyes. God why did she have to treat me like a five año old, I thought. It took thirty minutos before she returned. “Sorry it took so long.” She stated without a hint of remorse in her voice.
“I’m sure tu are.” I dicho sarcastically.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that tu are driving me crazy, and it means when tu say sorry like that it makes people not believe your apology.”
“I can never say anything right, can I?” She yelled. “Is there anything else I can do for tu princess?”
“Yes,” I spat, “Get me home; so that I can get as far away from tu as possible.”
“Fine,” She growled. “Anything else your royal highness?”
“Yes, stop talking to me.” I looked out the window. My mom started the car and began speeding home. I only say speeding because as I stared out of my window the world passed in swirls of color and patterns. When the car stopped I tried to get out as fast as I could. My mom didn’t even turn around she just unlocked the front door and walked inside leaving the door open. I hobbled up to the door, and tried to balance on my crutches while I closed the door. Falling over as I tried to mover adelante, hacia adelante to close the door with a loud thump, my ankle now on fire. “UGH!” I screamed. “THANKS SO MUCH FOR CLOSING THE DOOR!” I yelled knowing she couldn’t hear me anyways because she had already probably taken más sleeping pills. I laid on the floor for a couple of minutos just crying. Crying out of frustration, crying because I felt so alone, crying because of the pain radiating out of my ankle, crying just because I had nothing else left to do. I was so angry. After crying for a few minutos I tried to get up pressing my back against the muro while balancing on my left foot. Slowly crawling up the muro while holding my crutches then going over to the dining room mesa, tabla where the bag with my prescription sat. I tore the bag open, dumping the contents on the table. I looked at the label for the prescription, Tylenol with Codeine, great I hope this works, I thought. I took two not even looking at the recommended amount. Not grabbing water I just shoved the pills in my mouth and swallowed. The pills tasted disgusting going down but once I’d swallowed I began making my way towards my room. As I collapsed on my cama not bothering to put my feet on it I closed my eyes and tried to drift away. The pain began to dull a little, but after trying to sleep for an hora I decided to get up and go get another two. I made my way to the kitchen/dining room and decided to grab water, bringing it back to the mesa, tabla with me. Then opening the bottle and swallowing back another two with a nice big drink of water. I decided to not even bother to go back to my room; I decided that I might as well stay here. I laid my head down on the table, noticing after thirty minutos that the pain had almost disappeared. I let myself slip into a deep sleep.
As my dream began to form I realized it wasn’t the one I wanted. I watched as the eighteen wheeler smashed into us. I began freaking out, trying to tell myself it was dream, trying desperately to wake up, but I couldn’t. I was then turned to face a different direction, I was the truck driver. I watched in fear as I attempted to slam on the brakes. My truck plowed right into the back of that little car. I watched as it spun into oncoming traffic and hit two other cars before coming to rest on the other side of the highway. Traffic slowed and then stopped completely. I just sat there not knowing what to do.
Then my perspective changed again and I was a mom with two kids sitting in the back asiento fighting over who was right. I turned around for one segundo to tell them to be quiet but as I turned the car in the lane siguiente to us spun and headed right for the car. I turned to get control but couldn’t stop the collision, the other car graced the front of ours, luckily just ripping off the front bumper. As the other car spun I could see the blood on the windshield. I began screaming and then broke down crying as I watched it get hit por another car.
I was then sucked back to my own reality and then opened my eyes to see blood everywhere. Looking almost like in slow motion over to Kelsey, but she wasn’t there. Where was she? Even in my dream state I knew this was wrong. This wasn’t how it happened. I tried to close my eyes and open them again but my eyes just wouldn’t cooperate. Then I realized something odd. My eyes weren’t open. I began furiously trying to open them, but I couldn’t. Open I kept chanting but it wasn’t working. I felt like I was suffocating.
When I woke up my neck was craned and my mom was shaking me. “Carrie wake up.” She cried.
“What’s wrong?” I dicho groggily and angrily.
“Oh my god, I thought tu had overdosed o something.” It was then that I caught the pills scattered on the table.
“You counted my pills.” I exclaimed.
“What else was I supposed to do, I didn’t know why tu wouldn’t wake up, and I had to do something.”
“Whatever,” I began to collect my pills. “Two pills weren’t working.” I stated like it wasn’t a big deal.
“Whatever? Do tu realize tu are only supposed to take one?” She asked.
“Do tu realize that tu are only supposed to take two pills for sleeping of tu can’t fall asleep after one, and you’re definitely not supposed to take four in one night?” I asked accusingly.
“That is none of your concern.”
“I’m going to my room, bye.” I got up but she grabbed my arm. I looked down at her hand and then looked up into her eyes. I saw something there but it wasn’t sorrow o concern but hardness.
“I’m registering tu for classes today, tu need to get dressed and then get in the car.” She said.
“What’s the point?’
“What’s the point to what?” My mother asked.
“What’s the point in registering when I have surgery tomorrow? tu might as well just wait.” I explained to her like a five año old.
“Don’t treat me like I’m stupid o a child.” She gripped m arm tighter. “You will go register for classes today because it takes a few days to get everything set up and tu will be attending school on Monday.”
“That’s what tu think.” I whispered.
“What was that?” She asked in a motherly tone.
“Release my arm.” I said. She just stared at me like I was speaking a foreign language. When she didn’t release my arm I just pulled as hard as I could which knocked me off balance; causing me to fall into the coffee mesa, tabla in the middle of the kitchen. My mom went to grab for me. “Don’t touch me.” I growled.
“I’m so sorry.” She looked teary.
“Just leave me alone.” I crutched into my room and then changed. Luckily the pain killers hadn’t totally taken over because when I had to put my right pants leg on it would have hurt a lot worse. I gasped as my ankle touched the side of my pants. As I hobbled out to the cocina I noticed my mother sitting at the dining room mesa, tabla with her head in her hands. Good, I thought, tu should feel bad. But then I heard her whisper Kelsey’s name, my breathe caught in my throat, partially because I couldn’t believe she was saying her name, and partially because it wasn’t that she felt guilty about what she’d done to me, she just felt guilty about Kelsey.
“You ready to leave?” I asked.
“Yes.” She turned to me. She grabbed the keys off the mesa, tabla and then unlocked and opened the front door. Leaving it open for me to get out. I hobbled out and listened as the front door closed and then locked. As I struggled to get in all I could think is; Kelsey kill me, because it hurt like hell getting in and out of the car. The whole way there I tried not to think, not to look at the scenery passing, not to even feel. Please let me go numb, I sent a silent prayer to Kelsey.