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Riku114 dicho …
I hate dealing with trauma ngl, a lot of the time it is waaaaayyy easier to sit behind long establish disconnect from shitty experiences and let it fester until it ruins your life than it is to actually go through the hell of re-experiencing and facing the reality of shit. publicado hace 20 días
2ntyOnePilots comentó…
^ hace 19 días
J_E_T comentó…
Trauma arrendajo, jay and riku are stronger than tu think fuck off and stop trying tu bitch. hace 19 días
Riku114 dicho …
Being alone and being lonely are two entirely different things. tu may be surrounded por others, but do tu truly consider any of those people your friend?  publicado hace 2 meses
Riku114 dicho …
I am honestly glad to be a mental health guru and wizard for a lot of people and it makes me happy to be able to help as many people as I do. It makes me really happy and honestly its one of the things that helps keep me grounded to the world and thus I almost actively seek it out at this point.

But honestly, sometimes I wish I had someone who could be a mental health guru / wizard for me at times. Often times I know if I were to talk about my problems, they'd either go ignored publicado hace 2 meses
Riku114 comentó…
o few would be able to say anything to help o assist o comfort me. I've kinda grown painfully aware that for a lot of this, I am kind of out here on my own figuring out how to make things work, and even within therapists and psychiatrists, few do much help as much as discussion and mutual planning at this point. hace 2 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I am not upset por any means that the amount I put out to people to help them and what I receive back are not equal, to be honest thats just the way it is with rare and kinda severe mental health issues and I've grown used to and accept it. To be honest, if anything, it is one of the reasons I want to reach out and help people as much as I can hace 2 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I figure if I have to go through all the work of figuring out how to maneuver therapy, recovery, mental health, and all that with little people to guide me o help me, I can at least use my struggle and the knowledge I got from it to leave a pan de molde, pan crumb for others to follow hace 2 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Admittedly, I really don't know half of what I am doing o if I am doing it right when it comes to my mental health, and I just go off of what seems best with the infomration I have at hand and its done me well, but if I could one día figure a way to a good life and if I could leave that pan de molde, pan crumb trail I took to get there for people to follow, then I suppose at least in a way that my struggle was actually worth it hace 2 meses
LuceOfTheLight dicho …
I would like to say that I am por no means planning to hide the fact that I am an alter of Riku's as much as I would prefer to be treated and respected as an individual.

With that being said, Riku and myself have a stern policy that anything that one alter does reflects on the whole system. If Riku causes problems, then it is both her and my responsibility to handle it. Likewise, if I upset you, it is both our responsibilities to handle it. publicado hace 2 meses
LuceOfTheLight comentó…
While we do identify separately, we are a single unit possessing a single body and a single brain and thus are responsible for everything done as a system. I do apologize if issues to arise regarding myself o Aderis o even Riku, and we take full responsibility. So if anything regarding this becomes a problem, please be patient while Riku and I (hopefully eventually Aderis as well) figure it out hace 2 meses
LuceOfTheLight comentó…
I figured that it would be beneficial for me to interact outside of the system más often and the only reason I am currently being as active as I am is because I do not know the siguiente time I will be out. hace 2 meses
LuceOfTheLight dicho …
Per request I am now having a Sakamoto icon. publicado hace 2 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Anyone ever sit there and realize tu are so fucked up and fucked over that tu probably shouldn't even be alive por any logical standard? publicado hace 2 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I'm proud to be alive despite it all, but really... I am so fucked up its hard to imagine. hace 2 meses
Lusamine comentó…
Pain is beauty. If anything, this makes tu a stronger and wiser person, más suitable to thrive than any other. Take it as a compliment. hace 2 meses
LuceOfTheLight comentó…
It is how things are for some like us. All tu can do is as Lusamine alluded to. Let the pain and suffering make tu a stronger wiser person. Nothing can really change the past and all tu can do is mover adelante, hacia adelante making the best of the hand tu were dealt. hace 2 meses
Riku114 dicho …
>tfw tu are being a #sadboi over something DID related that is so deep into it that it sounds ridiculous if tu were to share it

It not that bad, Im just being kind of down and frustrated and mopey but its just a me problem tbh. >.> publicado hace 3 meses
Riku114 dicho …
It is almost funny how clear cut and obvious it is that my Trichotillomania picks up 40x when I am at inicial and around my family a lot.

When I'm at college, Ill typically only pluck in small amounts that are negligible and have maybe one large session of plucking every couple weeks o so. It lets them grow decently before being plucked and thats actually pretty good compared to the past

I come back inicial and every día that I'm around them I pretty much start blank. publicado hace 3 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Its really really bad to be honest. When I'm por myself I barely pluck, when I am with Kendall I near to never pluck, when I am inicial and around my parents, I pluck daily even if I don't want to hace 3 meses
J_E_T comentó…
If your parents are around just look at them and say to yourself my beautiful hair is too damn sexy to give a shit about this. hace 3 meses
Riku114 comentó…
XD I know but I wish it was like that. My amygdala just responds regardless XD hace 3 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Yooo guys back from my trip XD publicado hace 3 meses
J_E_T comentó…
Miss your company...did tu had fun? xD hace 3 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
Welcome back! Hope tu had a great time !!!! hace 3 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Yeah it was XD hace 3 meses
_Aderis_ dicho …
I am the Roast Queen. To add to that I am also the Sass queen but I prefer the Roast queen thank tu very much. publicado hace 3 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Happy Fathers día to everyone and for those who don't have a father figure in their life o a good one, I'll adopt tu :v publicado hace 3 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Man I need a new icono but I havent been super attached to anything as I've been focusing on my finals and getting the fuck inicial that I really haven't had enough stable free time to just like... chill and read my mangaor anything XD publicado hace 3 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I guess Ill settle with this handsome boy for now hace 3 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Trauma resurfacing from thin dissociaitve walls and bubbling back up in a PTSD sense sucks. Its probably my lightest unprocessed trauma and it fucking sucks.

I can literally be having a good día then one word o one image and flick there goes my brain trying to give me a flashback and crap

Kms, not really but still. publicado hace 3 meses
Riku114 dicho …
ONE FINAL DOWN THREE TO GO publicado hace 3 meses
Riku114 dicho …
I honestly cant wait to be inicial in a little over a week man. publicado hace 3 meses
LuceOfTheLight dicho …
Riku says I have to make my icono Sakamoto. publicado hace 3 meses
Riku114 comentó…
FFF Dont call me out :v I didn't even notice this was here :vvv hace 3 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
tu really should !!!! hace 3 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Honestly a lot of the times my detachment from a lot from the world and what not serves me alright and sometimes well to reaching my goal and not getting bothered por the small things in life, but sometimes, often times, it can get to the worse either when it feels like the world is too far separate from me o when I feel like this is a secondary world and like I've been detached and disconnect from the world I actually belong in. publicado hace 3 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Sometimes its a weird feeling. Its like being homesick from a sense of reality / world that tu don't even really know. hace 3 meses
_Aderis_ dicho …
Also I added my responses to some of the DID Alter Q and A publicado hace 3 meses
_Aderis_ dicho …
I'm going to compromise and post here just saying that sometimes I feel like I want to use my own account. It's a fine line to walk though, between freaking Riku out and between holding myself back from saying something 'mean' o 'rude' o 'improper' that might soil some of Riku's image.

Out of respect for her I try to stay out of the picture but tu know~

I like to have my fun as well.

Besides, if Lucille can post a thing o two I sure don't see why I can't post an innocent post. publicado hace 3 meses
_Aderis_ comentó…
Also hi Riku. Bet this is spookin ya but I want some fun as well. I'm behaving, don't worry about it. Buh bye, that is all. hace 3 meses
_Aderis_ comentó…
For those that aren't Riku feel free to friend me and message me o whatever. I don't particularly care and I'll reply like.. whenever I front and feel like it. Maybe that'd be a week, maybe a month, who knows. Not my problem tbh. hace 3 meses
_Aderis_ comentó…
Buh bye bitches and hoes. (I am mandated to state that I do not actually think tu are bitches o hoes since apparently I am 'accidentally mean' a lot.) hace 3 meses
Riku114 dicho …
I am thoroughly attacked. I started watching Sakamoto Desu Ga and this is such a direct parody of myself and my social experience in highschool that it hurts.

I have been parodized publicado hace 3 meses
Riku114 dicho …
"DID pathologizes one of the coolest and amazing ways of exploring your mind"

Yeah, its so cool to have a personality that regularly gets in the way of your interpersonal relationships, one that is actively suicidal and distorted horribly with depression and trauma, and one that literally does nothing but belittle tu and poke at your largest insecurities.

Its very cool and very fun and very amazing. publicado hace 3 meses
Lusamine comentó…
Anybody who romanticizes mental illness is an absolute tool. hace 3 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Pfft right? hace 3 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Imma stream at about 2 PM PST (1.5 hours from this point) if tu guys are interested. publicado hace 4 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Ya know I honestly sometimes get a bit blown away when I think about the people that have claimed that I've helped them both online and offline. Often I don't really consider myself all that great and like... just kind of a pain in the culo of burden with how much baggage I can carry with me as someone to get to know, but then I have to double take and I realize I've really helped a good few people and it just sometimes doesn't sound real to be honest publicado hace 4 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Like if there was an alternate reality where I never existed, so many lives could have been different and worse and I really don't like to toot my own horn and I really don't mean to since I'm just kind of shocked and find it a bit hard to digest hace 4 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I dunno, its just hard for me to envolver, abrigo my head around the idea that I am ACTUALLY a good person más than anything. hace 4 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Like... I'm not a BAD person, but the idea that I am "not a good person" has been a bit of a well known "fact" of my identity for a while that its just kind of hard for me to like be like??? I've helped people??? And I'm kind of caring??? Even when all the evidence shows that I do care about people and have done a lot más than I am required to do hace 4 meses
Riku114 comentó…
And its like???? Wow??? hace 4 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Media depiction of DID

Alter: We gotta kidnap and kill them. I want to kill everyone. Stab them - Imma take over and kill them

Reality

Me: Maybe I should have a bit of soda with this popcorn

Lucille: I want tea.

Me: I am not walking out in the rain again to get tea. tu can come out and make té if tu really want it publicado hace 4 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Admittedly, this is like XD There is a lot of work and shit that goes into it, but like XD Its just a meme I had like three segundos hace :v hace 4 meses
Riku114 comentó…
FYI Lucille is a té addict hace 4 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Randomly being able to hear your suicidal alter having some sort of an episode is hard shit. Like, its not emotions and feelings and thoughts that I myself feel like are my own and it is fine, but just constantly hearing "I am so tired of being alive. I am so tired of this existence." and so on and so forth is just... its not easy.

I'd get like "Oh I think shes done and I managed to relax" and then another line will whisper out of no where and itd be square one again. publicado hace 4 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I'm just kind of waiting for it to pass and for her to go back to being silent. It kind of sucks because I really can't communicate back so I'm just kind of sitting here listening to it randomly appear hace 4 meses
Riku114 dicho …
hola dudes, for Mental Health Awareness mes I might try to post a few versions of DID preguntas and answer them myself and IF any of my alters come out and are willing to add their thoughts Ill let them :v publicado hace 4 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Public Service Announcement Kiddos

Take your medication. publicado hace 4 meses
Riku114 dicho …
GUYS ITS ALMOST MAY

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

Maybe Ill do something XD publicado hace 5 meses
Riku114 dicho …
It is a good feeling when your old friend tu had a bit of a really problematic friendship with messages back giving proper closure to the friendship's end and apologizing for some of the behavior in the time and ya know.

As someone who had a lot of codependent friends left hanging, its a good feeling man. :feelsgoodman: publicado hace 5 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Imma ramble about some just misceláneo DID stuff I've been thinking about lately and its nothing important so dont bother too much with this unless tu are reaaaaallly bored but anyways here I go publicado hace 5 meses
Riku114 comentó…
So like, there is this thing that apparently a lot of people with DID have that I know I KINDA have and that I USED To have back when I thought I just had an overactive imagination and what not called "inner worlds" where the alters can manifest and occasionally interact and what not and sometimes they are actually kinda like big environments and what not hace 5 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Also since I KNOW at least one of them checks my fanpop when he is out sometimes, yes this is at tu :v :v :v Fight me and don't use my account to redact o revise what I am saying here :v this is completely valid for me to post on here :v hace 5 meses
Riku114 comentó…
inb4 he doesnt front anytime soon and this post just gets lost in time hace 5 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Oh hola dude! I have a parte superior, arriba Contributor thing now on my club's inicial page! Thats actually pretty cool XD publicado hace 5 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Its kind of nice being inicial and what not. I get some good time with my fiance and I can kind of relax and pull the breaks a bit. Its pretty good - dado my middle sister isnt also inicial publicado hace 6 meses
Riku114 dicho …
tu know a lot of tu guys are actually like a genuine family to me más than yall probably think tu all probably think XD

Cause "Riku" is actually a personality that is of a system that didn't exist - o at least didn't firmly división, split / solidify - before fanpop existed. I'm really an existence that was 'born' here and figured herself out on here so a lot of me quickly kind of 'grew up' and 'developed' around tu guys like one would with family publicado hace 6 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Google: Did I really recover from my depression o did I just dissociate from it? publicado hace 6 meses
2ntyOnePilots comentó…
Ohhhh man. Relatable hace 6 meses
2ntyOnePilots dicho …
Ok so... I hav3 a pregunta that may seem ignorant, but truth is I just can’t remember most o& the distinguished details. What ways are Borderline Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder different? publicado hace 6 meses
Riku114 comentó…
As someone who technically has both (one of my alters is BPD where as I myself is debatable on it) I can explain XD hace 6 meses
2ntyOnePilots comentó…
Ok thx sm. That’s so interestin. (Sounding like my mum but fuck it lol) a Definitely clears it up hace 6 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Aye drop por any preguntas XD hace 6 meses
Riku114 dicho …
;-; Headache and fatigue for two days in a row ;-; publicado hace 6 meses
2ntyOnePilots comentó…
Awe man, I feel that. Get some rest + take care. ❤️ hace 6 meses
GDragon612 comentó…
all the best for tu ma Rikubun, take care and get well soon!! hace 6 meses
Riku114 dicho …
I lowkey amor that the día I go to screening with Neurology to make sure there is no physiological reasons I have memory and identity issues is Dissociative Identity Disorder Awareness Day

The día my diagnosis will be pretty solid XD publicado hace 6 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Inb4 "Oh looks like tu just have a brain tumor" hace 6 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Update: Yeah I am physiologically solid so its probably just dissociation. Big shock XD hace 6 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Honestly if any of tu guys have any preguntas on DID I am good for answering. XD I appreciate preguntas publicado hace 7 meses
2ntyOnePilots comentó…
I have a question. Did tu ever finish the articulo tu wrote, and where might I find it? lol hace 6 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I got it MOST ways done but got distracted XD I need to finish it its still on my lista of things to do but man my mental health has been taking up a lot of time XD hace 6 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I am actually getting into the nit and gritty stuff of DID and its quite interesting and very tiresome XD hace 6 meses
Riku114 dicho …
One of these I should work on explaining just how important and why Akashi is such a big thing for all of us. publicado hace 7 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Also still happy I get to train Lefteris in the way of Kuroko no Basket. Soon there will be someone caught up enough to understand my lord and savior Akashi Seijurrou publicado hace 7 meses
Economnomnomics comentó…
Glad to see someone joining the cult. How could tu forget about me, Riku. hace 6 meses
Economnomnomics comentó…
Just because I'm inactive doesn’t mean I'm dead 😵💀 hace 6 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Man I had a four día weekend but dude I still have a lot of stuff to get done publicado hace 7 meses
2ntyOnePilots comentó…
^ hace 7 meses
Riku114 dicho …
There are pretty much like three ways to know when Im MAJORLY dissociating and possibly switching personalities

1) A LOT of face touching. If Im rubbing my face a lot and/or blinking heavily, Im probably dissociating and its habitual touching in attempt to like "clear my eyes" and focus in

2) I el espacio out into absolutely no where

3) I lower my head into my hands o arms o away from sight and towards the ground and take irregular breaths. publicado hace 7 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
I see. That is pretty interesting to know. Have been curious about the signs !!!! hace 7 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Holy shit I just realized Ive been worshipping Akashi for like four o five years now publicado hace 7 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
Happy 4th-5th Anniversary of Worshipping then !!!! hace 7 meses
simrananime dicho …
Joined^^ publicado hace 7 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Aye sweet hace 7 meses
Riku114 dicho …
My little boy bird is a big boy now ;-; I raised him since he was a chick and my mom caught him fucking one of the females XD Shes the one Im taking to college and have shipped him with for ages so like... Im not upset and its rather normal for birds especially during this season XD

But man hes a grown boy now. I remember when he was like... a centimeter big and just a little baby chick. publicado hace 7 meses
Riku114 dicho …
That feeling when tu were so dissociated for two to three months and constantly AT BEST half present that tu THOUGHT tu were fully present for some parts cause tu forgot what it was like to be alone in your head / got used to it

Like for the first time probably since Ive come to college, its been just me - no Lucille o Aderis - and HONESTLY it feels GOOD baby. publicado hace 7 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Like.... when tu have más than one present up in the front and are dissociated, tu cant really get into life and do exactly what tu want to do regularly. tu cant REALLY perceive all your emotions o your needs o the world around tu cause even if tu are semi-present, its like there is an overload and tu only get half of whats being picked up. tu are kind of stuck at a skin deep level hace 7 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Its so peaceful to just have a few days to myself for once and actually feel the world again and oh man. #FeelsGoodMan hace 7 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Imma kick back and enjoy this weekend hace 7 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
Once again, I'm really happy to see tu like this. As I said, make the most of this feeling, Rikubun !!!! hace 7 meses
heart
GDragon612 dicho …
Party finally Rikubun got the 100
btw thanks to Nomy yeah!!!
opens a huge bottle of champaigne and Juice
throwe confetti
drunk now xD
Party hard =D

congrats ma Rikubun💗 publicado hace 7 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Thanks XD hace 7 meses
GDragon612 comentó…
ya welcome XD hace 7 meses
GDragon612 comentó…
throws hace 7 meses
Riku114 dicho …
"I honestly just see myself más of a character than anything else. To be honest, I learned most of my actions and who I am from anime characters that I liked." ~ Me like.... three o four years ago

Still honestly not inaccurate, but the degree I saw myself a vessel to write and create a story in rather than to live in was interesting. I wouldn't go and say I dont view it that way anymore, but its much less severe if tu were to ask me. publicado hace 7 meses
heart
GDragon612 dicho …
just one más fan then tu got 100 fans
then I open a champaigne yeah(for non alcoholics jugo, jugo de =3) publicado hace 7 meses
GDragon612 comentó…
hwaiting*-*<3 hace 7 meses
GDragon612 comentó…
will open<<< hace 7 meses
Riku114 comentó…
NOMY MADE THE 100! HALELLUJAH hace 7 meses
Riku114 dicho …
MY FIANCE dicho I CAN MAKE HIM WATCH KNB WHEN WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER YAS publicado hace 7 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
Yeee! One más person has been added to the KnB Gang !!!! hace 7 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Me: Man I never write artículos anymore. I still have like three o four half completed artículos to do. Im so lazy man. Why am I always so tired and not in the mood for escritura and explaining things when I remind myself of my articles?

Me: *working on a website to build and explain an entire fictional world with races and classes and cities and functions* *writes easily over a thousand o two on the website whenever shes bored enough to do it*

Me: Man I never write. publicado hace 7 meses
Lusamine dicho …
Joined! publicado hace 7 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Welcome! hace 7 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Im still upset Ill never be able to be someones gay boyfriend publicado hace 7 meses
Lusamine comentó…
I know, I was sad too. hace 7 meses
Riku114 comentó…
;-; hace 7 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Sometimes I wish I had someone to look up to tbh. Someone to take guidance off of. Someone who I am impressed so thoroughly por that they serve as an inspiration. But alas, it turns out I am stuck por myself. I have to generate goals and admiration from myself within myself. I have to generate the drive and inspiration and will entirely on my own.

Its not horrible. It makes me independent

But sometimes having the safety net so tu can take a break once and a while would be great publicado hace 8 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
Isn't there though? At least those who have contributed their fair share of inspiration over the years. Maybe not a complete Role Model through Life (A lot really have a hard time finding something like this and might also be not be the best option depending on one's selection) but the experiences taught through them and the examples tu have taken can be valuable nonetheless. Regardless of being Family o Friends, irl People o Fictional, etc. I have noticed that they could have an impact in a person's jouney. Something that I can relate with myself !!!! hace 8 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
That being said, it is apparent that your progress so far is mainly because of yourself. No one else could define it. Your very own driving force that pushed tu towards Improvement. It is something to be truly admired and a reason why many others look up to tu and seek for your guidance themselves. Something to take great Pride in !!!! hace 8 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
^ As excessively Optimistic I might be coming across, that is my Hope. A pure one and I find it to be worthy holding on to it in your case. Just letting that be known !!!! hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
“I wonder since when, I started yawning as I left my inicial for a match. I wonder since when I stopped feeling anything even when we won. The person who can win against me is me alone. But all I wanted was an opponent that I could go all out against. I've always wished for a tight game in which tu couldn't tell if you'd win o lose...I am grateful to tu Tetsu." ~ Daiki Aomine publicado hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
" *in meh mood* .... lets eat palomitas de maiz, palomitas de maíz and soda"

"You know we literally just agreed and decided wed lean back towards té and frutas since drinking things that do not excite the brain and fuels the body with HEALTHY stuff will actually almost factually pick up our mood right? Get some frutas and tea"

".....popcorn and soda" publicado hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Im not living am I? publicado hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Man I havent publicado on here in a while. Its... been a week. XD Chaos man. Tiresome. publicado hace 8 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
Relatable XD !!!! hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Im in amor publicado hace 8 meses
GDragon612 comentó…
with your boyfriend o your birds Rikubun <3 hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Birds, boyfriend (fiance), and Akashi XDD hace 8 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
#TripleLove !!!! hace 8 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
The Holy Trinity of Riku's Obsessions !!!! hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
...... can someone tell my lungs how to breathe? publicado hace 8 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
link hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
MY LUNGS DONT WORK publicado hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Personally, I identify más masculine than feminine and typically want to be and identify with más male / masculine things. I actually never wanted to be a girlfriend when I was younger. I hated the idea of being a GIRLfriend. I was 100% alright with being a boyfriend but the term girlfriend just grossed me out and Im still not a HUGE fan of it but Im used to it so I dont mind XD publicado hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Theres the whole thing about wanting to be a prince and my style and all. There was even a point in my life / time when I wanted to look as masculine as possible and a bit of dysphoria but that all went away when I really stopped bothering with gender. hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I got overwhelmed and tired with all the gender culture and decided I was just going to be me and not do anything to my body that could harm it including binding my boobs cause once tu get past 38D its really not seguro to bind hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Plus I like my tits and my fiance likes my tits so... hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
“I wish we met before they convinced tu life is war.” publicado hace 8 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
Relatable !!!! hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Ah man. I was not ready to go back to college to be honest. Ill probably be better once I get back into academia and get fed the drug of constant work but ugh. publicado hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
I have a cheese addiction tbh publicado hace 8 meses
Zeppie comentó…
As I'm munching through a handful of grated queso mozzarella, mozarela I find this relatable v: hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
^^ hace 8 meses
JetBlack__ dicho …
Riku didn’t post in 24 hours !!
call 911 publicado hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
XD Im alright man XD hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Me: I didnt take my meds yet. Dont forget. Yeah just after I find some good música to listen to.

"Honestly sometimes don't tu think it would be easier to play the roll of broken, edgy, depressed, and unhealthy drug lord o something than this high standing skilled academic and mental health caring scholar? It would be so easy to maintain that and we'd just have to stop trying with everything. Wouldn't that be fu-"

Me: Okay time to take medication. publicado hace 8 meses
2ntyOnePilots comentó…
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hace 7 meses
Riku114 dicho …
i cant sleep cos i cant stop imagining things and scenarios :vv ;-; publicado hace 8 meses
JetBlack__ comentó…
It's alright Riku it is all temporary,it's over now.you okay.. back to awesome Riku kicking life shit. hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
XD Its fine XD Its just lowkey nostalgic hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Me: I am not that bad of a maladaptive daydreamer

Me: *organizes a DnD group*

Me: *literally can not stop knocking out into obsessive character planning and background forming and soñar despierto up different potential characters legit for the siguiente 12 hours straight including while go kart racing to which Im shocked I didnt crash* publicado hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Stream might be delayed due to DMV stuff publicado hace 8 meses
BlueDopamine comentó…
ok, Anna hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
:vv Dont call me por my first name hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
It makes me uncomfortable XD Not cause its online but for other reasons I dont wanna go into XD hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
o well real name I suppose XD hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
ANYWAYS. I finally get to take my drivers test after annoying delays twice and a misceláneo appointment cancellation that the DMV didnt tell us about XD All the delays pretty much have me at the end of my learners permit though XD So I need to pass this o Ill have to start from square one again XD

But I think Ill do fine probably. I mean I am not the best driver and personally I wouldn't drive if I didn't have to cause of my dissociation, but Im somehow better than publicado hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
my older sister according to my mom and she has a license so... I think Ill do fine. XD hace 8 meses
Rihanna312 comentó…
Welp, this is the third año when I`m postponing getting a license. Mostly because I don`t feel the need for it. But if tu have the reason and need it, I`m sure you`ll do good on the test! hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
But yeah I would have passed since my driving was stellar but not noticing it was a yield left was an instant fail hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Ah man its bird fucking season it seems XD My birds keep trying to fuck publicado hace 8 meses
JetBlack__ comentó…
That’s disturbing yet cute xD hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
.... on another note I just realized I am 18 and have been living for the past few months with the self pressure as if I was like 21-24 publicado hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Like my mom reminded my dad I was turning 19 and I was like "HOLY SHIT WAIT IM 18 WHAT THE HECK IM DOING JUST FINE. WHY AM I TREATING MYSELF LIKE IM WAY BEHIND?!?!" XD hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
With that being said, I am not going to change the working speed and rate I am working at :v I want to get everything done as fast as possible but man I shoulda cut myself some slack XD hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
"There is no victory for the passive" publicado hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
I wanted to do something when I got back but now House is hallucinating a person and it reminds me too much of personal shit so Im hooked XD publicado hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Fresh Owari no Seraph perfil publicado hace 8 meses
Shukuya comentó…
Looks cool! hace 8 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
Noice. Looks pretty neat !!!! hace 8 meses
JetBlack__ comentó…
It’s perfect. hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Me: *gets into the car and sees fiance's chaqueta in the backseat and put it on*

Him: You? Cold? Who are you?

Me: Nah, I just miss your jacket

*twenty minutos later*

Me: Actually I was a bit chilly but I did really mainly want it cos I missed it.

Him: I know, tu just have to be big strong girl that doesnt get cold

Me: >.> Shut up. publicado hace 8 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
After all these, anyone who still can't see tu being a Tsundere simply knows nothing XD !!!! hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
YES I AM STILL THE queen OF MEDIATING AND ARGUMENT CLEAN UP!

Managed to simultaneously

-Keep my sisters fiance from having to deal with my family's bs arguments
-Made sure my sister was alright the día before leaving
-Made sure my mom understood where my sister was coming from
-Made sure my mom was alright with how she left my sister
-Made sure everyone was at least neutral
-Ended the drama
-Explained my 'disowning' of my middle sister
-Everyone is alright publicado hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Oh on that note, my middle sister I blantantly let it be known Im done trying with her and I am going to need to see her change and get her act together before I start trying again cos I got tired being let down on us getting along and her being nice and respectful to my existence hace 8 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I honestly cant hate her, but its not good for me to keep trying to be nice and get along cause Ill be sucked dry and left used if I keep trying when she isnt. hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
A bit of appreciation, but I honestly amor my fiance. The más I think about it, the más of a rare human that probably has like a 0.01% chance of existing that fits my tastes in people, quirky interests, patient, capable, and understanding enough of my mental health bullshit, and everything to somehow find me and care / like me enough to make me give them a chance even after I tore them apart. publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Like... being in my tastes and being someone Im willing to spend time around IRL is like.... a one in a millionth shot (not really but its pretty rare) hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Then just multiplying the rarity of everything else... hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Im just lucky to have him hace 9 meses
Zeppie comentó…
So sweet ❤ hace 8 meses
Riku114 dicho …
I swear Ill get back to Hakuoki eventually XD

Im currently bouncing around a few other games though since there are some good sales on thigns I want

Currently doing Jurassic World: Evolution and then Devil May Cry 1 after. If I like Devil May Cry 1 I might get más of the series in the future but I dunno publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Dude, I found a clear definitive hole in my memory. My sister's fiance's sister apparently was like... best friends with me in elementary school and APPARENTLY I was teased a lot o something like that and she asked about me when my sister met her and I honest to god dont recognize her much at all if at all.

I was a biiit skeptical that it was overexaggerating but legit found pictures of me hugging her as a kid so??? publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
And I was in the same school as her for three years at the very least and she is somehow entirely absent from all my memories? I mean thats not shocking because I dont remember much from elementary school but I did make a hell of a hard job remembering the general story including friends of mine at the time. hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I remember some of my other friends at the time Im pretty sure...??? So its weird but the photographs dont lie... .-. hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Legit my first PROOF backed lost memory and its kinda..... odd?? hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Bruh solid navidad this year. publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
>.> Starting to get to that "hating break" mood cause Im running out of things to keep my mind stimulated publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I honestly hate wasting time hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I hate being stressed out about wasting time especially on vacations because I know its irrational but I cant. hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Im honestly kind of jealous of people who can comfortably do nothing with their time may it be on vacations o not hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
hola guys I'm not dead I swear publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Aye guess who is officially engaged now? publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Might stream tomorrow at 12 PM PST Kingdom Hearts 1 with my boyfriend. Might not, still considering it publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Nah decided against streaming btw XD Figured itd be más fun just to chill with my boi hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Since I dont really have the ability to remember my moods for más than two weeks and it screws up a lot of my psychiatry foros and all, I am going to now keep a mood log to keep track of how I feel so I can más accurately reportar it publicado hace 9 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
^ That is a really nice idea !!!! hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
I might be kind of between fragments o something because I am feeling two extremely polar emotions at the same time that shouldn't be able to coexist at the extent that they are and because I can't respond to really interesting fanpop misceláneo preguntas because I cant come up with any consistent ideas so my sense of identity is probably obscure and messed up even though I dont notice it. publicado hace 9 meses
TheLefteris24 comentó…
^ Relatable in a way. Have been similarly felt confused about some of them myself !!!! hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
SAIX DESERVES más amor publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Its a bit shocking that I am still a good bit affected / bothered por my first major codependent break up. I've mostly moved on and I dont have breakdowns over it every other week like I did two years hace and I don't compulsively stalk unless "triggered" and thus there is like a REALLY small one in comparison to before

BUT Id be lying if I dicho I wasn't still held back and occasionally bothered por it. There are some things that can "trigger" small little moments to which publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I recover from rather fast hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Its almost four years passed at this point I believe hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
por the way stream this week is canceled due to my schedule combined with other people's schedules publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
*sigh* Its hard to convince myself to sleep cause my brains oddly on edge over the session earlier today and the fact I gotta ride Uber to the airport which Ive always been paranoid about publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Not like horrifically but enough that Im resistant to sleep out of discomfort hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Tfw tu have to talk with your therapist over why something tu know is irrational is irrational because your brain doesnt always listen to ration and tu just sit there like "Fuck man, now we look dramatic because tu were freaking out over something I told tu was irrational and pointless and potentially unhealthy." publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
And then him pointing out the fact I over prepare and over plan for the worst to the point its kinda bad with how it takes a lot of the fun and excitement out of life and then Im like ":vvvv Dont bring me into this :vv Im just trying to protect us :v We might get caught off guard if we dont know whats going on :vv" hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
.... I really clearly dissociate myself in therapy dont I? hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
I dont really mean dissociate in like... the experience of dissociation, but the way I talk about myself and my issues in therapy REALLY sounds like Im REALLY división, split and like "pfft thats not me" when it fucking is ya hoe. Like its not THAT apparently until I talk about my emotions and way of doing things hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Also I gotta stop talking in first person plural so much. XD o maybe not, cause it might be something I should stop restricting myself on. I dunno. Im curious what psychiatry will say when I go to it on the topic. And after I get MRI scans and shit on my brain so I can make sure its not like some tumor o anything that might be causing the memory issues and stuff just so they can go through the procedure of diagnosing shit hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
TFW tu lazily and casually take the ECON practice exam that is 20 preguntas longer than the one tu will take today and get an 96% on it with a little over 40 minutos to spare when tu really didnt do anything other than Chem and a little bit of Animal Science for about a week publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Honestly I kind of doubt when I say I have extremely fragmented personalities because a good 90% of the time I currently feel really like... single. I dont mean dating wise, but like... I feel like Im the only one up in my head and Im like "Nah I must have faked it before" but I vaguely remember having way too indepth discussions with "thoughts" that had extremely different opinions and voices in my head and my boyfriend claims hes seen it in my eyes / body when I claimed to be Aderis so.. publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Lately its only when Im really stressed / threatened that I hear anything in my mental el espacio - either that o briefly when something 'stimulates' one of them I guess hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
I think I got Chem down XD I mean I learned the majority of it in the last two days cause I was on a good track for the first half of the quarter then the fires came and ruined my momentum XD

But its still pretty good. I hear the teacher curves the class two letter grades and I only need a 30% I think then? Which I know I can pull off. Plus I feel like I might know it better than a good chunk of people? publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Yo hearing your oldest sister be like "Yeah, I didn't really care that tu were más attached to him than me, I was just glad there was someone else helping out because I could barely keep tu alive since there is only so much a sister could do."

Well geee.

I mean I remember being bad but not that bad :v publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
But then again I dont really remember XD At least people being really up front with how close I seemed to be to offing myself gives me validation that I really was depressed at some point like my sparknotes of my own life says :v hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Lowkey kinda wanna go back and experience again just to see how bad I really was but I think Id regret that five segundos in hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
I don't really have a good sense of when Im pushing myself too hard to be entirely honest. Usually I end up pushing myself and pushing myself unaware of the toll its having o only minimal awareness of it to the point I feel like I can do a lot más then I just suddenly snap / break / crack and am forced to stop

Its something I am working on and I only really stopped studying (out of boredom) cause I took a short rbeak to call my boyfriend and he told me to take a break publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Turns out Im kinda feeling how exhausted I was after taking about an hora break XD hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
Same kinda goes with most internal feelings, may it be hunger, exhaustion, and sometimes even just flat out pain. Im really bad at recognizing it until Im barely functioning and at that point it tends to be too late :v But Im working on it and try to listen when someone I know that can read me and that I trust tells me to take a break cos I know some people are better at telling when Im worn down than I am XD hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
Man going through your tumblr (a place tu only ranted on when REALLY bad and not really wanting people to know) and specifically go back to the rants cause tu know tu had a tag for them

"I WANT TO DISSOCIATE. I WANT ADERIS. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL o BE HERE." publicado hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
[Hashtags so I could find the post if need be] #I Hate That Ive Been Stopping With My Dissociation #I Want It Back #I Dont Want To Be Here #I Dont Want To Feel For Now #If I Had To Give The Personality To Her #I Would #I Want Someone Else To Protect Me #I Want Someone Else To Handle The Stress #I Dont Want To Be The One To Take This Bullcrap #I Want Someone Who Doesnt Judge Herself #I Want Someone Who Can Say 'Fuck tu And Fuck It' #I Want Someone Narcissistic And Egotistical #Just Not Me hace 9 meses
Riku114 comentó…
April 4th 2018 apparently. I wish I knew what happened that día XD hace 9 meses
Riku114 dicho …
tfw tu went to the nearby campus market to get más Icebreakers, forget, buy a soda and Ramune for the stream, then half an hora after tu come back tu just go "shit I dont have any icebreakers" publicado hace 9 meses