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posted by fly210
I bet tu can't keep up with this oneshot.
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I was walking down the road when I triped on a napkin. I know. a napkin right? but it was a wet napkin and for some reson my sidewalk is made of tial. so I slid on the napkin and bumped into the worst thing ever. Barney. Why barney was there I don't know. Barney started canto so I shot him. But then cops came. But they giggled like little girls and shot barney them selfs. They then dicho they would give me a ride. but then I found out one of the cops was that like 12 año old boy who drove the car in rebecca...
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posted by Thecharliejay
100 Ways to Annoy People
1.Get to know a friends bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
2.Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
3.Call other people "Champ" o "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."
4.Drum on every available surface.
5.Sing the batman theme incessantly.
6.Staple papers together in the middle of the page.
7.Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
8.Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
9.Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
10.Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
11.Insist on giving...
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posted by chattycandy
Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

Guys hate flirts.

A guy can like tu for a minute, and then forget tu afterwards.

When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

"Are tu doing something?" o "Have tu eaten already?" are the first usual preguntas a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

Guys may be flirting around all día but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics....
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When I don't understand a word, I always go to link to see their silly definitions before I consult an actual dictionary.
I spent some time searching up words, and some of the definitions were hilarious! So here ya go, some of the definitions I found interesting/funny:

link
There's a lot of definitions. My fave one is:
'A place where young, innocent, defencless children are kept prisoner and forced to learn useless stuff like algebra that won't count for fuck when they're old enough to get employed....
multiply out the brackets...
2a(3m+2p+12k-12-90)
...would someone like to explain to me...WHAT...
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posted by yukikiyruu
Sleeping Beauty: Perfect for the sleepyheads.
Dolly Wholly: This name is perfect for the well-dressed girl.
Honey Bunny: Ideal for your playful girlfriend.
Cutsie Wootsie: This cute name is excellent to say when tu are pinching her cheeks with both hands.
Pretty Eyes: If your girlfriend has crystal-clear, beautiful eyes, then tu may call her por this cute name.
Princess: It is a perfect name for your girlfriend, if she has that little girl spirit.
Pumpkin: This name can be used for casual moments.
Doll Face: This name is perfect for a girl with a cute face.
Beautiful: It is a simple but effective...
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posted by happyfreak
A friend of mine has another friend that is addicted to meth. She found this and gave it to her friend. She then gave me a copy because she dicho it was sad and cared enough to let me know what meth is and does.

This poem was written por a young Indiana girl who was in jail for drug charges, and was addicted to Meth. She wrote this while in jail. As tu will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this simple, yet profound poem. She was released from jail, but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her...
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posted by smileypop9
Million has 6 zeros
Billion has 9 zeros
Trillion has 12 zeros
Quadrillion has 15 zeros
Quintillion has 18 zeros
Sextillion has 21 zeros
Septillion has 24 zeros
Octillion has 27 zeros
Nonillion has 30 zeros
Decillion has 33 zeros
Undecillion has 36 zeros
Duodecillion has 39 zeros
Tredecillion has 42 zeros
Quattuordecillion has 45 zeros
Quindecillion has 48 zeros
Sexdecillion has 51 zeros
Septendecillion has 54 zeros
Octodecillion has 57 zeros
Novemdecillion has 60 zeros
Vigintillion has 63 zeros
Googol has 100 zeros.
Centillion has 303 zeros (except in Britain, where it has 600 zeros)
Googolplex has a googol of zeros
Gazillion has 86430 zeros
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posted by spunkyonyx
If tu have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, tu have $1.19. tu also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the lincoln Memorial.

President Kennedy was the fastest misceláneo speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute.

In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.

Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.

The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once...
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posted by coolkatstar
Below are 4 questions. Answer them instantly. tu can't take your time. Answer them immediately. No pencil o paper! OK?

Let's find out just how smart and clever tu really are.

Ready? ...

GO!!!


FIRST QUESTION: tu are participating in a race. tu overtake the segundo person. What position are tu in?
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ANSWER: If tu answer that tu are first, then tu are absolutely wrong! If tu overtake the segundo person and tu take his place, tu are second! Try not to screw up in the siguiente question.

To answer the segundo question, don't take as much
time as tu took for the first question.

SECOND...
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posted by spunkyonyx
hola guys, found some interesting and strange facts, some are just facts I have known a long time ago(school, wandering around websites), others are ones that I have found, I apply the fuente if available. Any others tu may want to add up feel free to do so. Enjoy!

1) Coca-cola was once green.
It was green because it was accidentally carbonated when a clerk squirted syrup into the wrong glass.

2)Barbie doll measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33. Wow... she's cut from the team.

3)Intelligent people have más zinc and copper in their hair. *Checks... Woot!

4)You blink about 84 million times...
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1. mover the refrigerator into the bathroom (preferably in the bath tub)

2. Hang outside from an upstairs window

3. mover all of your furniture into their room and when they return home, insist that your imaginary friend needed some personal el espacio so tu have to mover into their room

4. Decorate the roof with glitter and ketchup.

5. Carve the lyrics of Elmo's song into every tree.

6. Mow the lawn in certain places to create the word 'pie'

7. Memorize pi, then illustrate it on a large sheet of paper insisting that your mother hangs it on the fridge.

8. Replace all 'grade A' papers hung up on the fridge...
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posted by Mel4ever
GIrls only (or gay guys..) yea both So tu have to read this now....haha for girls eyes only here all girls! hola girls! IF YOU'RE A BOY, LEAVE THIS CUZ IT RUINS EVERYTHING GIRL TALK: Did tu know besar is healthy. It's good to cry. Chicken sopa actually makes tu feel better. 94% of boys would amor it if tu sent them flowers. Lying is actually unhealthy. Only apply mascara to your parte superior, arriba lashes. It's actually true, boys DO insult tu when they like you! 89% of guys want tu to make the 1st move. Ya but 99.99% of girls want guys to make the first move. chocolate will make tu feel better! Most...
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posted by catgirl140
79 Things to do in an Elevator (Soooo funny)

1. Crack open your maletín o handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the muro without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him o her to call tu Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I...
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posted by cutiegirl01
1. Pretend that your escritorio is a drum and ur pencils are drum sticks.

2. Randomly hypervenlate out of no where.

3. when ur teacher asks if there are an questains on the testhomework shout out 'WHAT'S THE ANSWER TO # 10!'

4. break your pencil on purpse in front of them when there talking then get up and sharpen it.

5. If they ask tu to guess theyre age (no they wont) guess 10 years older then u really think.

6. On ur paper write a misceláneo año and someone elses name and write ur name on a smart kids.

7. Talk to people u hate in class constently then when they tell u to stup up say 'they're bugging me!'...
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posted by kitkat709477
Find the 3 and u will get a kiss tommo​row SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​S SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SS SSSSS​SSSSS​SS3SS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSS SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSS SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​ SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSS SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​SSSSS​ find the B! DON'​​​T skip o ur wish wont come true.​​​.​​​. ​ ​ ​ RRRRR​RRRRR​RRRRR​RRRRR​RRRRR​RRRRR​R...
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Dear Noah, We could've sworn tu dicho the ark wasn't leaving until 5. Sincerely, the Unicorns.

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Airlines have banned passengers from taking tweezers on board... Anybody who can hijack a plane using a set of tweezers deserves the freakin plane.

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The guy who puts down perros at animal shelters must not get alot of women. "And what do tu do for a living?" "...I kill puppies."

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Do tu know what happens to 100% of people who eat carrots? THEY DIE.

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The worst time to have a corazón attack is during a game of charades.

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You cannot bring sexy back without a receipt.

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"Want to play the rape game?"...
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posted by karpach_13
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How can tu tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The palanca de mando is wet.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her más attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do tu say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are tu boys all in the same band?
A3: Do tu guys all play for the Green bahía Packers?

Q: How do tu make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde...
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1)Devise a secret code with your friends then hand in the homework in that code
Continually ask preguntas so that the professor can’t give homework
Answer the teacher’s preguntas in slow motion 2)Answer preguntas only with one word
3)Scream misceláneo words without anybody noticing it’s you
4)Continuously yawn until everyone is yawning
5)Ask your professor personal questions
6)Every time the professor finishes talking clap
7)Eat paper
8)Talk very fast
9)Call the professor “Mom” o “Dad”
10)Count your hair
11)Talk with an accent
12)Answer preguntas in a different language
13)Fake spasms
14)Pretend...
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posted by Mallory101
 1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
179 Ways to Annoy People:


1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If tu have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal por conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what tu think."

7. Claim that tu must always wear a bicycle casco as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone,...
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tu know you're a 'Furry Fan' when...
Rabies replaces cancer as your number one disease concern.
Your favorito! character from estrella Trek is Lieutenant M'Ress (from the animated series).
You think "Beauty and the Beast" was spoiled por Beast becoming human.
You replace Elle McPherson pinups with those of Amy the Squirrel, Erma Felna, o Minerva Mink.
You slip the word 'fur' into as many places as possible in your mail.
You can identify a captionless book illustration as being Doug Wingers' in under ten seconds.
None of your favorito! female (or male) fiction characters are actually human.
You go...
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