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List by karpach_14 posted hace más de un año
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

When a man brings his wife flores for no reason, there's a reason.
Molly McGee

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, tu haven't wasted a whole day.
Mickey Rooney

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
Helen Rowland

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. tu order what tu want, then when tu see what the other fellow has, tu wish tu had ordered that.
Unknown

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner

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Guide by KateKicksAss posted hace más de un año
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Credit: link

How do tu know people don't like your friend? Oh, I don't know, how about the fact that...

1. Your mom can never remember your friend's name. She even guesses. "Oh, is your friend... uh... Tasha coming over?" Your friend's name is not Tasha. It's Kate.

2. Your Dad always seems to disappear when Kate comes over. "Well, I should go paint the garaje door now." "Now?" "Yep, no time to waste. Just have to pick up a Kate of paint... I mean, a can of paint from the store."

3. Your little brother rolls his eyes at her name. "Kate's coming over? Does she have to?"

4. Your mom defends Kate to your little brother—halfheartedly. "Now, now, Kate is a perfectly... unique person."

5. Your brother continues to whine: "But she's so weird. And I think she estola the TV remote."

6. The only día Uncle Greg doesn't stop por is when Kate is over.
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Article by Schnusch posted hace más de un año
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Just lectura some of the terminator frases through again... and actually found a hint on what happened between Arnold and the maid. Enjoy my version!


Maid: Nice night for a walk, eh?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nice night for a walk.
Maid #2: Wash día tomorrow? Nothing clean, right?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nothing clean. Right.
Maid: Hey, I think this guy's a couple cans short of a six-pack.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Your clothes... give them to me, now.
Maid: Fuck you, asshole!
Arnold nods.


I know there are a lot of people making fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger since he admitted to his wife that he's not only a cheater but a liar as well. tu might get annoyed por it and think "Oh poor Arnie". But honestly? This guy just ASKED for it. It takes a big jerk to have a child with another woman, an even bigger one to keep it a secret for 14 years and the biggest one to only reveal it to his wife after he quit his job so there'd be no damage to his position.
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List by karpach_14 posted hace más de un año
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A single drop of sweat from Chuck Norris was found to quench the thirst of an entire african village for 23 straight days. Subsequently, an olympic athlete from that village was disqualified from his event for testing positive for performance enhancing drugs.

Chuck Norris can read lady Gaga's poker face.

Chuck Norris says the alphabet faster backwards then tu can say it fowards.

When Chuck Norris goes to sleep, he doesn't dream he lives it.

In an alternate universe, Chuck Norris is just a myth. However, he pwns people there anyways.

When Chuck Norris drinks beer, the cerveza gets drunk.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris, but usually they grow up to be killed por Chuck Norris.

If tu type Chuch Norris in your GPS, It'll lead tu to a roundhouse kick to the face!

When Chuck was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" Chuck received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
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Opinion by chattycandy posted hace más de un año
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1.Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green and insist to others that tu "like it that way."

2.Sing the batman theme incessantly.

3.Drum on every available surface.

4.Staple papers in the middle of the page.

5.Ask 800 operators for dates.

6.Specify that your drive-through order is "to-go."

7.Set alarms for misceláneo times.

8.Learn Morse code and have conversations with your friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeeep Beep, Beep Beeeeep Beep...."

9.Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Uncle Bob's stereo with the volume properly adjusted.

10.Honk and wave to strangers.

11.Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

12.Change channels five minutos before the end of every show.

13.Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

14.Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints por the cash register.
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Opinion by chattycandy posted hace más de un año
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"I'm going fishing."
Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand por a stream with a stick in my hand, while the pescado swim por in complete safety."
"It's a guy thing."
Really means... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and tu have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means... "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," o "Yes, dear."
Really means... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means... "I have no idea how it works."

"We're going to be late."
Really means... "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means... "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
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Opinion by Thecharliejay posted hace más de un año
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Make Him Addicted To YouSay These “Secret” Words To Make Him Fall Madly In amor With You
HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/Love
Ask around, o if you're shy, ask a good friend to help (find out if he likes you, o is dropping hints).If tu catch him staring at you, look at him in the eyes and try to hold contact for a few seconds. If he keeps contact, tu know he likes tu back. If he turns away, it could mean he likes tu and is shy. (Alternatively, it could mean your camisa, camiseta tag is hanging out - beware, as there are multiple reasons people stare at each other.)If a guy likes you, he tends to go out of his way to be with you. (This is not always true, but often a good indicator.)When he's talking to you, twirl your hair as tu listen. This action is natural enough for most people not to make anything of it, but if he says something about it, then he's definitely paying attention to tu and probably likes you.Get to know him fairly well if tu determine that tu want to tell him. Don't call and text constantly, but try to make friends. Get some information on a few of his hobbies; it will give tu two something to talk about and connect on.2If you're ready to tell him,...
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Opinion by ilovetech29 posted hace más de un año
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just got this while browsing the net

1.I was kidnapped por terrorists and they only just let me go, so I didn't have time to do it.

2.I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to my teacher's heavy workload.

3.A bunch of nerds estola it to make sure theirs were completely perfect.

4.We ran out of toilet paper at my house last night, and my Dad isn't feeling so good. He grabbed it in a big rush and I haven't seen it since.

5.My mother took it to have it framed.

6.It was in my back pocket and a pickpocket estola it.

7.I let somebody copy it but they never gave it back.

8.My mom's whooping cough vaccination wore off and we had to go to the hospital.

9.My skimpy printer ran out of ink.

10.I wasn't able to do my homework this weekend because when I went ice fishing, the heater inside of the tent got too close to the muro of the tent, starting it on fire. And when I ran out of there, I realized that my cat was still in there. My cat was in there because all the small pescado that I catch, I just give to my cat. But when I went back for my cat, the fuego was too...
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Article by wakana posted hace más de un año
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1. People are más likely to tilt their heads to the right when besar instead of the left (65 percent of people go to the right!).

2.The oldest known amor song was written 4,000 years hace and comes from an area between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers.

3.One in five long-term amor relationships began with one o both partners being involved with others.

4.Falling in amor can induce a calming effect on the body and mind and raises levels of nerve growth factor for about a year, which helps to restore the nervous system and improves the lover’s memory.

5.Love can also exert the same stress on your body as deep fear. tu see the same physiological responses—pupil dilation, sweaty palms, and increased corazón rate.

6.Philadelphia International Airport finished as the No. 1 best airport for making a amor connection, according to a reciente survey.

7.Men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer than those who don't.
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List by britishboy posted hace más de un año
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During the summer it is so easy to say, "I have nothing to do!" No más excuses-here is a lista of 50 things to do the siguiente time tu are bored!
1. Gather up a few friends, and have a picnic in your back .
2. Go on a walk and take pictures of trees, flowers, dogs, etc.
3. Buy some fashion magazines, pick out a couple of really cute outfits, and try to recreate them for less!
4. Bead some bracelets and sell them for charity.
5. Volunteer at the local animal o homeless shelter.
6. Clean your room!
7. Bake some cupcakes and deliver them to friends and family.
8. Play some childhood games like "Sorry", "Candyland", o "Pretty Pretty Princess".
9. Take your dog for a walk.
10. E-mail a friend tu haven't spoken to in awhile.
11. Do 25 jumping jacks!
12. Look through old family scrapbooks, foto books, and yearbooks.
13. Make a root cerveza float.
14. Go to the cine with your siblings.
15. Go window-shopping with a friend.
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Article by TotalDramaChick posted hace más de un año
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[b] 1.Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

2.Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

3.There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

4.The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

5.A tiburón is the only pescado that can blink with both eyes.

6.There are más chickens than people in the world.

7.Two-thirds of the world's berenjena is grown in New Jersey.

8.The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

9.On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

10.All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.

11.No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, o purple.

12."Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

13.All 50 States are listed across the parte superior, arriba of the lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
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Opinion by chattycandy posted hace más de un año
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Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

Guys hate flirts.

A guy can like tu for a minute, and then forget tu afterwards.

When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

"Are tu doing something?" o "Have tu eaten already?" are the first usual preguntas a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

Guys may be flirting around all día but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

Guys hate it when tu talk about your ex-boyfriend.

When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

Guys want to tell tu many things but they can't. And they sure have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell tu many things and it is drinking!
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Guide by jeniffer2200 posted hace más de un año
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-Get a magazine and get a pen and start making funny faces to the pictures

-If tu have a video game turn it on and play and if tu play with protagonist start making funny deaths to him/her

-Write a song

-if tu are a girl go and make a new hair style (it's fun)


-go and play online games

-Hear some música and try to sing a-long

-Watch a comedy movie/series

-Try to help your mum por cooking o cook yourself

-if tu have a pet go and play with it

-call some friends and tell them what have tu done along the day

-plan for a party and create invitations

-if tu like to draw,draw a member from your family and give it to him/her as a gift

-Chat with friends online on fanpop,facebook,twitter ETC.

-Go and buscar for some new fondo de pantalla online for your computer


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Opinion by EmzLovesCheryl posted hace más de un año
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Cheryl Cole and Nicola Roberts.


Not that anyone's interested, but here are my current parte superior, arriba 11 female 'celebrities'.



1. Cheryl Cole. (yeah, I didn't think you'd be surprised.)
-Words just can't describe how much I amor this woman. If I try to then I'll take up this entire article.

2. Amy Lee.
- She has the most stunning voice, and she's absolutely beautiful; evanescence wouldn't have ever been evanescence without her. She's amazing.

3. Avril Lavigne.
- I'm a big fan of her music. She's cool, she's cute, and with all this, she has amazing hair. :3

4. Hayley Williams.
- She also has amazing hair, like all the people on this lista actually. She's amazing in paramore and anyone that's a fan will understand why she's so great.

5. Emma Watson.
- She's such a fine actress. She's intelligent, she's a great role-model, and Harry Potter wouldn't be the same without her. I also particularly loved her when she was in 'Ballet Shoes'.
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List by LOLerz25 posted hace más de un año
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The Shit List
(Taken from 1069@urbandictionary.com)

**The Ghost Shit**
-The kind where tu feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

**The Clean Shit**
-The kind where tu feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

**The Wet Shit**
-You wipe your culo fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So tu end up putting toilet paper between your culo and your underwear so tu don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

**The segundo Wave Shit**
-This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and tu suddenly realize tu have to shit some more.

**The Brain Hemorrhage Through Your Nose Shit**
-Also known as "Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit". tu have to strain so much to get it out that tu turn purple and practically have a stroke.

**The maíz Shit**
-No explanation necessary.

**The lincoln Log Shit**
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Opinion by ilovetech29 posted hace más de un año
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When having a nightmare and tu suddenly realized you're dreaming, try not to wake up. Try to explore your dreams...this is cool because you're getting to know that all of those things around tu are made por your brain which tu sometimes think is completely empty... Also if tu know you're dreaming, tu can control your dream and tu will find it very cool because when you're conscious in your dream, everything is in 3D form. So here are some cool and fun things to do when tu suddenly realized you're dreaming...

1. Try to think of your favorito! celebrity. Call out his/her name..like this,"When I turn around, Johnny Depp will be there." You'll be very surprised that you'll see him already there. Then fecha him/her o even make out with him/her. I tell tu it will feel so real..

2. Fly.Bounce in your dream and you'll suddenly see yourself already floating.

3.Pass through walls. Just run as fast as tu can towards a muro and feel the sensation of being inside a wall.
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Opinion by lloonny posted hace más de un año
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1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear superman pajamas. superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
3. Chuck Norris will never have a corazón attack. His corazón isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. If at first tu don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris can set ants on fuego with a magnifying glass. At night.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
11.Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them.
12.Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer; too bad he has never cried.
13.If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*ck down
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List by ginny_potter_97 posted hace más de un año
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1.    Sell your old stuff at a garaje sale. You'll clean out your room and make a little cash at the same time.
2.    See one of those big blockbuster summer movies. Bonus points if it's in 3-D.
3.    Make a bird feeder and wait for someone to stop por and check it out. (It'll probably be a bird.)
4.    Fill up some of your community service hours.
5.    Lay out por the public pool (with plenty of sunscreen on, of course).
6.    Set up your sprinkler in the backyard (or the front yard, if tu dare) and run through it.
7.    Go to an outdoor concert.
8.    Make popsicles in fancy flavors. Eat them all yourself, o set up a stand and sell them to passers-by.
9.    Go fly a kite...literally. Here's how to make your own.
10.    Read a good book in a hammock (which everyone knows is the best place to read good books).
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Opinion by nymph_tonks posted hace más de un año
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Stranger: hi


You: hi asl


Stranger: 20 m


Stranger: u?


You: 15 female


Stranger: nice to meet you!


You: GO GO POWER RANGERS!


Stranger: yeah!


Stranger: what are tu up to?


You: ther was this lady earlier who told me i shouldnt be on the internet at 15.


Stranger: lol


Stranger: and where should u be?


You: probably outside ithout any basura comida o soda


Stranger: fair enough


You: i would survive.


Stranger: do u like talking to strangers?


You: online, through text.


Stranger: where r u from?


Stranger: I am from UK btw


You: im from the us.


Stranger: nice


You: im bored

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Guide by RobinFan360 posted hace más de un año
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1Be honest.
In a relationship, honesty is por far the best policy. It may be difficult, but the truth will allow relationships to breathe. It is tough but no matter what happens, no one can ever challenge the fact that tu are truthful, which might mean that the other person also gives tu the same respect. Statistically, studies found that when a couple were más honest from the start they were más likely to become spouses o long-term partners. If tu have a relevant opinion, let them know, otherwise tu aren't giving them a chance to fix things and grow. Don't always try to make it sound like a compliment. It's fine to suggest an alternative, and attach praise to the alternative (For example, if they ask tu if tu like something they are trying on, let them know that it might work, but tu think the blue one is your favourite so far because it shows off their great ___.) But if tu do that, eventually she's going to wear the original articulo that tu didn't like, and eventually tu will both get very tired of that strategy. It's the same with other problems: telling her what tu like is fine, but tu have to tell her what tu don't like as well. Sugar-coating is fine,...
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Article by RobinFan360 posted hace más de un año
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♥Grin t anoher passenger and then announce,"I've got new socks on!"
☻Crash from side to side as if your sailing in rough seas.
☺Suggest tu all registrarse in aa sing-along.
♦Say,"Ding!" at each floor.
♣Salute and say "welcome aboard!" every time someone gets in.
♠Open your bag and,while peering inside,ask,"Got enough air in there?"
•meow occasionally.
◘Stand silent and motionless in the corner,facing the wall,without getting off when the elevator stops.
☼Make race-car noises when people get in.
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List by Caligirl2011 posted hace más de un año
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So open up your iTunes o música player and put it on shuffle! Let it play and for everysong.. It makes a life story!!

1. Waking up song..........
2. Going to school song.......
3. Seeing a boy/girl tu like song......
4. Enemy song.......
5. día song.........
6. Going to sleep song...
7. Friend song.......
8. Fight song.....
9. Hook up song.......
10. amor song.....
11. Break up song.......
12. Make up song......
13. Wedding song...
14. Honeymoonsong.....
15. Baby song......
16. Family song.....
17. Death song.......
18. Funeral dong
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Article by Sallytheragdoll posted hace más de un año
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i hate tu tu hate me lets go out and kill barney
joy to the world that barney is dead we barbecued
his head don't worry about the body we flushed it
own the potty yay barney is dead yay barney is dead


that is a song
my brother
taught me.
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
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List by alismouha posted hace más de un año
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1. It’s OK to kill people.

2. Dying doesn’t really matter much either.


3. If you’re 14, have hair covering your eyes and live in a small village, man up, because you’re going to have to save the world.

4. Medicine became obsolete in the año 2004, when doctors noticed that hiding behind a muro caused human health to regenerate to 100%.

5. Eating stuff found on the floor is good for tu – your parents were wrong.


6. Sometime in the future, Earth will be menaced por hordes of alien spacecraft that fly in predictable patterns and can be killed in one hit. The logical course of action will be to dispatch one Valiente hero in an untested plane/tank/spaceship to take them all on without help.

7. Winners don’t use drugs.

8. Buildings may have crates full of goodies on their roofs, so always check, even if it means riding a motorbike up the fuego escape.

9. Enemies, rather than approach tu directly, behave like Michael Flatley (of Riverdance fame) on a conveyor belt.
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List by breebree446 posted hace más de un año
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Dress Up Websites

link - An awesome Doll-maker website where tu can make things like angels, pirates, and animals. My personal favorito! are the element girls. The artwork on all the games are really beautiful.
link - Another Doll-making website. The only difference is that tu can create a profile, write stories to go along with your dolls, and make friends.
link - A dollmaking website with new games made every day. The graphics are amazingly real and the clothes are adorable!
link - A cool website where tu diseño the clothes yourself!
link - A website with enlaces to hundreds of dress-up and diseño games.
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