**I got this from the internet again but i do not see why tu would want to be offensive at a funeral..but anywho this reminds me of Death At A Funerla^^**
1.Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she have sex with you.
2.Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until tu find your contact lens.
3.Punch the body and tell people he hit tu first.
4.Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
5.Ask someont to take a snapshot of tu shaking hands with the deceased.
6.At the cemetary, play taps on a kazoo.
7.Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
8.Ask the widow to give tu an enema.
9.Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
10.Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask him if he can sneak him into the coffin.
11.Place a hard boiled egg into the mouth of the deceased.
12.Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
13.Leave some phony dog mess on parte superior, arriba of the deceased.
14.Tell the widow that tu have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.
15.Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor who can't afford firewood.
16.Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.
17.Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.
18.Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.
19.Take up a collection to pay off the deceased's gambling debts.
1.Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she have sex with you.
2.Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until tu find your contact lens.
3.Punch the body and tell people he hit tu first.
4.Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
5.Ask someont to take a snapshot of tu shaking hands with the deceased.
6.At the cemetary, play taps on a kazoo.
7.Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
8.Ask the widow to give tu an enema.
9.Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
10.Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask him if he can sneak him into the coffin.
11.Place a hard boiled egg into the mouth of the deceased.
12.Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
13.Leave some phony dog mess on parte superior, arriba of the deceased.
14.Tell the widow that tu have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.
15.Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor who can't afford firewood.
16.Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.
17.Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.
18.Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.
19.Take up a collection to pay off the deceased's gambling debts.
If tu want to know how to get stronger nails, then pay attention to these useful tips. They work!
File your nails: Every week tu need to file tu nails. Why? Because when tu file your nails your body receives the message that it is time to regenerate your nails again. When this happens, the nail comes through stronger and in this way, will last longer.
Don't use too much polish: At least a couple of days a week go without polish and give your nails time to breathe.
Don't paint straight on the nail: Before painting your nails, use one capa of clear nail protecter first. This will help strengthen your nails and give them needed nutrients.
Oil: Use almond, baby o aceituna, oliva oil on your nails after tu have removed polish. You'll see how healthy this makes your nails!
Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor. The first nurse said, "I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear. The segundo nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all his condoms. The third nurse fainted.***************
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weirdness from inside my mind
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its nice to see the rIsing sun
its nice to stay up Late
i like the sound of a hOover
i dont like the word Vegan
nobody likes my fEet
i like red except when itS blood on My sheet
this world is so rAndom
but i Like it that way
Lemons are sour
your Brain is sO frazzled
nOBody dicho it Would be easy
I am noT a Hairy monster
Bann the bomb
I like that saying
i like Goats
Not as much as frogs
sInging is good
i think: Praying is worthless
pandas are cute
Legs are funny
mEn think im weird
So do women.
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its nice to see the rIsing sun
its nice to stay up Late
i like the sound of a hOover
i dont like the word Vegan
nobody likes my fEet
i like red except when itS blood on My sheet
this world is so rAndom
but i Like it that way
Lemons are sour
your Brain is sO frazzled
nOBody dicho it Would be easy
I am noT a Hairy monster
Bann the bomb
I like that saying
i like Goats
Not as much as frogs
sInging is good
i think: Praying is worthless
pandas are cute
Legs are funny
mEn think im weird
So do women.
One day, two american tourists were driving through Nova Scotia, argueing about the name of the town. Finally, assuming neither of them were right, they decided to stop and have something to eat for lunch. When they got into the restraunt, the waitress asked them if they were ready to order. Yeah, but first could tu pronounce the name of where we are,veeerryyy slllooowwwlllyy? dicho the wife, smiling. Of course, the waitress said, noticing the two were american.
Tiiiiiimmmmmm Hooooorrrrrttttoooonnnnsss.
Hope that made tu laugh.
Here are 2 misceláneo facts:
They don't sell Smarties o Shreddies in America.
They dont have Walmart in America.
Tiiiiiimmmmmm Hooooorrrrrttttoooonnnnsss.
Hope that made tu laugh.
Here are 2 misceláneo facts:
They don't sell Smarties o Shreddies in America.
They dont have Walmart in America.