All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal; The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair & now... the wax.
Read on...
My night began as any other normal weeknight; Came home, fixed dinner, play with the kids.
I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the siguiente few hours; 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet...' So, I head to the site of my demise; The Bathroom.
It was one of those 'Cold Wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, tu just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm & tu peel them apart & press them to your leg (or wherever else) & tu pull the hair right off; No muss. No fuss. How hard could it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK?!)
So, I pull one of the think strips out. It's two strips facing each other, stuck together. But, instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in, so I get out the hair dryer & heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold Wax', yeah... right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight & pull. It works! *Triumph!*
Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but it wasn't too bad, either. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-Rah; Fighter-of-all-Wayward-Body-Hair-and-Maker-of-Smooth-Skin Extraordinaire!
With my siguiente wax strip, I mover North.
After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties on the floor & place on foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha & stretching down to the inside of my butt-cheek (it was a loooooong strip), I inhale deeply & brace myself.... RRRRRIIIIIPPPP!!
'I'm blind!!!! Blinded from pain!!!! OH MY GAWD!!!!'
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP! Another deep breath and RIP! Everything is spinning & spotted.
I think I may pass out... Must stay conscious... Must stay conscious!
Do I hear crashing drums?? Breathe, breathe... OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy- a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much wrenching pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it...
WHERE IS THE HAIR?! WHERE IS THE WAX?!
Slowly, I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet; I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... It's not!
I touch. I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax & matted hair. Then I make the siguiente BIG mistake... remember, my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something, so I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut! SEALED SHUT!
I pingüino, pingüino de walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do & think to myself; 'Please don't let me get the urge to take a poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits & the wax should melt & I can gently wipe it off... right?
WRONG!!
I get in the tub- the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war o sterilize surgical equipment- I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together & then glued to the bottom of the tub... in scalding hot water.
Which, por the way, does not melt cold wax
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain.
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months hace to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!
I call my friend, thinking that surely she has waxed before & has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter, for sure. 'So, my butt & hoo-ha are glued to together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located; 'Are we talking cheeks o hole o hoo-ha?' She's laughing out loud por now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown & she suggests I call the umber on the side of the box.
YEAHHH!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night!
While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrap the wax off with a razor...
Let me tell ya; Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water & then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
por now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike & I'm pretty sure I'm going to need post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace... The lotion they give tu to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on & OH MY GOD!!!!
*The scream probably woke the kids & scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooooo painful, but I really don't care!*
'IT WORKS! It works!'
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend & she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax & then notice to my grief and despair...
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!
So, I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb por now, what else could go wrong?
Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
siguiente week, I'm going to try hair color...
Read on...
My night began as any other normal weeknight; Came home, fixed dinner, play with the kids.
I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the siguiente few hours; 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet...' So, I head to the site of my demise; The Bathroom.
It was one of those 'Cold Wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, tu just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm & tu peel them apart & press them to your leg (or wherever else) & tu pull the hair right off; No muss. No fuss. How hard could it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK?!)
So, I pull one of the think strips out. It's two strips facing each other, stuck together. But, instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in, so I get out the hair dryer & heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold Wax', yeah... right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight & pull. It works! *Triumph!*
Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but it wasn't too bad, either. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-Rah; Fighter-of-all-Wayward-Body-Hair-and-Maker-of-Smooth-Skin Extraordinaire!
With my siguiente wax strip, I mover North.
After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties on the floor & place on foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha & stretching down to the inside of my butt-cheek (it was a loooooong strip), I inhale deeply & brace myself.... RRRRRIIIIIPPPP!!
'I'm blind!!!! Blinded from pain!!!! OH MY GAWD!!!!'
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP! Another deep breath and RIP! Everything is spinning & spotted.
I think I may pass out... Must stay conscious... Must stay conscious!
Do I hear crashing drums?? Breathe, breathe... OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy- a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much wrenching pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it...
WHERE IS THE HAIR?! WHERE IS THE WAX?!
Slowly, I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet; I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... It's not!
I touch. I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax & matted hair. Then I make the siguiente BIG mistake... remember, my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something, so I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut! SEALED SHUT!
I pingüino, pingüino de walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do & think to myself; 'Please don't let me get the urge to take a poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits & the wax should melt & I can gently wipe it off... right?
WRONG!!
I get in the tub- the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war o sterilize surgical equipment- I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together & then glued to the bottom of the tub... in scalding hot water.
Which, por the way, does not melt cold wax
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain.
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months hace to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!
I call my friend, thinking that surely she has waxed before & has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter, for sure. 'So, my butt & hoo-ha are glued to together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located; 'Are we talking cheeks o hole o hoo-ha?' She's laughing out loud por now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown & she suggests I call the umber on the side of the box.
YEAHHH!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night!
While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrap the wax off with a razor...
Let me tell ya; Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water & then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
por now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike & I'm pretty sure I'm going to need post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace... The lotion they give tu to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on & OH MY GOD!!!!
*The scream probably woke the kids & scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooooo painful, but I really don't care!*
'IT WORKS! It works!'
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend & she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax & then notice to my grief and despair...
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!
So, I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb por now, what else could go wrong?
Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
siguiente week, I'm going to try hair color...
1.Blood
2.Broken bones
3.Needles
4.Surgery.
5.Anything gross
6.injurys
7.YOU!!!(just kidding!)
8.People being run over
9.People getting their head cut off
10.umm....
11.Death
12.other people getting sick
13.someone in pain
do not try to make me faint using these ways becuse i will also puke everywhere and tu don't want to see that.i faint when i get teeth pulled...........PIE!!!!!!! thats all i want to write but it will be to short and won't publicar but it should now.maybe not pie! cake!yummy
2.Broken bones
3.Needles
4.Surgery.
5.Anything gross
6.injurys
7.YOU!!!(just kidding!)
8.People being run over
9.People getting their head cut off
10.umm....
11.Death
12.other people getting sick
13.someone in pain
do not try to make me faint using these ways becuse i will also puke everywhere and tu don't want to see that.i faint when i get teeth pulled...........PIE!!!!!!! thats all i want to write but it will be to short and won't publicar but it should now.maybe not pie! cake!yummy
just to let tu know, i didn't write any of these and i'm only posting them cos i saw it and thought it was funny
1. So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day...
Look at the bright side,
she's a really good lay.
2. My tire was thumping....
I thought it was flat....
when I looked at the tire....
I noticed your cat... Sorry
3. tu had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends....
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.
4. You've announced that you're gay,
won't that be a laugh,
when they find out you're one
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
5. Happy Vasectomy!
Hope tu feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine
I got really snippy.
6. Heard your wife left you...
How upset tu must be...
But don't fret about it ....
She moved in with me
7. Your computer is dead...
it was once so alive
Don't tu regret
installing Windows 95?
8. tu totaled your car...
and can't remember why...
could it have been...
that case of Bud Dry?
1. So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day...
Look at the bright side,
she's a really good lay.
2. My tire was thumping....
I thought it was flat....
when I looked at the tire....
I noticed your cat... Sorry
3. tu had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends....
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.
4. You've announced that you're gay,
won't that be a laugh,
when they find out you're one
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
5. Happy Vasectomy!
Hope tu feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine
I got really snippy.
6. Heard your wife left you...
How upset tu must be...
But don't fret about it ....
She moved in with me
7. Your computer is dead...
it was once so alive
Don't tu regret
installing Windows 95?
8. tu totaled your car...
and can't remember why...
could it have been...
that case of Bud Dry?
Yeah,this is the first articulo I've written,so it probably won't be good.
O.K I have a 7 año old niece and she might not seem evil,but trust me she is.If tu met her you'd think she was a sweet,little angel
Her mom,my sis Heather,got married a few years ago.Well the man she married had 2 kids.Ever since she lived with them,she's been evil.
She tells my mom No
She tells us she hates us.She thinks she's the boss.She hits me and then says I hit her first(i'm old enough to know tu don't hit when tu don't get what tu want)She calls me fat.she can't take a joke and then says im fat and don't "play"because I don't like being outside and hate sports.There's más but I don't really want to write anymore.Tell me what tu think in comentarios please:)
O.K I have a 7 año old niece and she might not seem evil,but trust me she is.If tu met her you'd think she was a sweet,little angel
Her mom,my sis Heather,got married a few years ago.Well the man she married had 2 kids.Ever since she lived with them,she's been evil.
She tells my mom No
She tells us she hates us.She thinks she's the boss.She hits me and then says I hit her first(i'm old enough to know tu don't hit when tu don't get what tu want)She calls me fat.she can't take a joke and then says im fat and don't "play"because I don't like being outside and hate sports.There's más but I don't really want to write anymore.Tell me what tu think in comentarios please:)
1. Write a new articulo on this website
2.Draw a snow wolf
3.Go to the biblioteca
4. Call a friend and go on a walk with them
5. Have a dance party
6. Listen to música and "scream sing"
7. Clean your house (That might get boring though)
8. Paint Your room
9. Go to the park
10. Call a friend o two and do the yoga challenge
11. Decorate the house
12. Watch YouTube
13. Watch friends The TV Series
14. Go on google and buscar weird things
15. Learn to juggle
16. Go to an elevator and annoy misceláneo people (this could get tu kicked out but its super fun)
17. Go shopping
18. Go skating
19. Play a board game
20. Sleep!
21. Bake food
22. Exercise
23. Read
24. Hike
25. Garden
26. Sugar Cookies
27. life size dulces land
28. Paint snow
2.Draw a snow wolf
3.Go to the biblioteca
4. Call a friend and go on a walk with them
5. Have a dance party
6. Listen to música and "scream sing"
7. Clean your house (That might get boring though)
8. Paint Your room
9. Go to the park
10. Call a friend o two and do the yoga challenge
11. Decorate the house
12. Watch YouTube
13. Watch friends The TV Series
14. Go on google and buscar weird things
15. Learn to juggle
16. Go to an elevator and annoy misceláneo people (this could get tu kicked out but its super fun)
17. Go shopping
18. Go skating
19. Play a board game
20. Sleep!
21. Bake food
22. Exercise
23. Read
24. Hike
25. Garden
26. Sugar Cookies
27. life size dulces land
28. Paint snow