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1.    Unplug the refrigerator.
2.    Turn the horno on.
3.    Rearrange the furniture. (Turn a bedroom into a dining room, and vice versa.)
4.    Hide the remote.
5.    Hide the television.
6.    Hide the pets.
7.    Change the answering machine message.
8.    Turn off the answering machine.
9.    Change the speed dial numbers.
10.    Change the alarm clock time to twelve hours earlier.
11.    Add an extra goldfish to the goldfish bowl.
12.    Leave a condom wrapper under a sofa cushion.
13.    Make yourself a meal. Be polite and wash the dishes.
14.    See how much pay-per-view porn tu can order in one day.
15.    Set the TiVo to record nothing but infomercials.
16.    Leave a note on their computer that says "Thanks for the files."
17.    Leave a note anywhere that says "I'll be back."
18.    Leave a note listing a website address. Set up a website and post a foto of yourself sitting on their toilet. (Don't forget to wear a ski mask.)
19.    Replace a crucifix with Mickey Mouse.
20.    Install video surveillance equipment. Leave a tape of yourself installing it.
21.    Paint "Helter Skelter" on a wall.
22.    Replace muro fotos with fotos of someone else's family.
23.    Replace products with similar products of a different brand. If they own Heinz ketchup, replace it with Hunt's. If they own Tide laundry detergent, replace it with All.
24.    Tie a nylon string across each doorway at shin level.
25.    Paint their bathrooms black.
26.    Paint their mirrors black.
27.    Paint their windows black.
28.    Nail their windows shut.
29.    Put a skeleton in a closet.
30.    Stuff a almohada with live crickets. (Available at your local pet store.)
31.    Hang dead things from the ceiling.
32.    Wrap a miscellaneous animal organ in aluminum foil and leave it in the freezer.
33.    Empty the sugar container and replace it with Sweet & Low.
34.    Fill every glass in the cocina cabinet with water. (They might not spill the segundo o third glasses, but fill them all anyway.)
35.    Turn off the phone ringers.
36.    Leave the stereo, alarm clock, and televisión volume set to maximum.
37.    Exchange the contents of two clothing drawers.
38.    Grease the banisters.
39.    Leave counterfeit paw prints up a wall, ending at a ceiling vent.
40.    Put a rubber conservar en vinagre, salmuera in the conservar en vinagre, salmuera jar. Replace the jar's label with a label identical in every way except for the phone number for complaints. (I could tell tu what phone number to include, but why don't tu figure it out?)
41.    Call for comida delivery. Repeat two dozen times quickly before leaving.
42.    Make urine ice cubes.
43.    Pee in the shampoo.
44.    Take the book jackets off the hardcover libros and put them around multiple copies of the same cheap book tu purchased previously at a dollar store. If tu can get copies of a book with blank pages, even better.
45.    Unscrew the light bulbs.
46.    Hide the toilet paper.
47.    Put their possessions into piles based on color.
48.    Make a bathtub full of iced tea.
49.    Bring in a small, battery-powered recording device. Turn it on and play a looping recording of a young girl whispering, "Jesus is coming." Unscrew a ceiling vent and throw it in as far as tu can.
50.    Plant weeds in the flowerpots.

By: Jason Roth
(This is a new series where I negatively review classic stories. And yes, I do like this story and I will like all the others I will do in the future, but I just thought this was a fun idea so... There tu go.)

So I'm pretty sure por now we all know this story. It's a timeless tale of adventure, and has a very important moral at the end. This story focuses on 3 pigs building houses to protect themselves from a lobo and taught kids that time and effort equals success. :)

BUT SINCE I'M A NITPICKING DOUCHE-BAG WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE SHIT, I'm going to criticize this story as much as I can, pointing...
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posted by yamishadow2001
(Note: I will swear i might rage a bit but B-E-A-R with me get it? No okay...)

Story: tu are playing as a security guard to work the night shift from 12 AM-6 AM your goal try to survive the night with a certain amount of power without getting killed for 5 nights... o 7 we will get to that in a minuto and who is trying kill apparently "Kid Friendly" animtronics that we will also get to in a minuto as well so that is the story pretty much.

Characters: The characters are tu of course. Troll: We all know that dumbass hur hur hur! Oh shut up!*clears throat* as I was saying there is the phone guy...
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posted by lexidude92
Everyone is sitting on a sofá (being bored)

Libra: What's on on tv?
Virgo: Nothing right now, just keep on daydreaming...
Cancer: THERE'S NOTHING TO DREAM ABOUT!!
Leo: I agree with Cancer, I'm bored, let's watch some tv o go outside to get some fresh air.
Sagittarius: I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Leo.
Aries: usually, there is no fresh air outside.
Leo: No, actually, tu can't see how fresh the air is out there.
Sagittarius: What?
Leo: *sighs*, your deaf, arn't you?
Sagittarius: No.
Aquarius: I'd listen to some songs...
Leo: nah, I'm fine.
Virgo: at 4:30 we can watch tv.
Leo: why?
Virgo: because....
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posted by BlondLionEzel
Out in the darkness, someone is rending the silence
Awakening this planet from its sleep
Who is it?

Look, evil spirits are right before you
There's nowhere to run, so take 'em straight on!
Someone tells me to erase my "worries" and "fear"
We reconstruct our minds
Clench your fists strongly
Believe in the bonds between us
And fight!

So all I can do
And all tu can do
Is spread your wings and transform
Take the anger piercing your corazón and turn it into strength
Now all I can do
And all tu can do
Is shine and transform
To the stage of evolution
Touch and go!

Listen closely! It's a new "beginning"
Why do tu think...
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Dating Version 2.0: Modern Dating

Some of the old ways of dating could be use an upgrade. Welcome 2014 with these new and improved rules!

For most of us, the best--and usually our first--source of our dating consejos is our family. We rely on the experiences and wise words of Mom, Sister, and in some cases even Grandmother, for the do's and don'ts of boys and relationships. But as years pass by, it might be time to rule out some of Mom's and Grandma's old (and old-fashioned) rules on dating and come up with reasonable guidelines that appeal to más modern minds.

The Old Way:
~Date only boys who...
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posted by uploaded900
For a while, I've been thinking of making an articulo on my influential celebs and here they are. This lista is just on entertainers. I'm not the biggest celebrity person, but these have inspired me in some sort of way and I amor them! Instead of putting trashy people and basic bitches (whose names I won't name) on a pedestal, here are some people I'd like to talk about who should get some credit for the great individuals that they are. I'd also like to add that it's just my opinion and I'd amor to hear what you've got to say.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

 The Realist
The Realist


Emma Watson
Emma Watson is one...
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Survey reveals parte superior, arriba 50 funniest jokes ever told

[HK]

A joke about a male bus passenger insulting a woman's ugly baby has been voted the funniest gag ever told. Researchers examined más than 1,000 jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 and getting 36,000 people to vote for their favourites. Source: Onepoll.com

Comedy genius Tommy Cooper had por far the most jokes in the list, which also includes gags por Peter Kay and Lee Evans.

Jokes ranged from the legendary one-liner about a zoo with just one dog being a 'shitzu' - to ones about wives, husbands, blondes and foreigners.

The study was...
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