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posted by XxLalasaysxX
5
Here are my lista of corny jokes. Now i'm just gonna let tu know now i got alot of these from the youtube channel, vlogbrothers. So check them out too. Prepare to laugh.
(Make sure your not drinking anything o eating anything tu might spit it o something.)

#1 How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.

#2 Why are celsius and farenheit friends?
Because they're fair-in-height. (I came up with that one :)

#3 Why was the escoba late to work?
It overswept!

#4 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bahía they'd be bagels.

#5 What's Michelle Obama's favorito! vegetable?
Barackoli (broccoli)

#6 Why does the seta have so many friends?
Because he's a fungi! (Fun guy)

#7 What do tu call a fake noodle?
An impasta! (Imposter)

#8 How often do i make chemistry jokes?
Periodically.

#9 What do tu call a pencil without lead?
Pointless!

#10 How do tu make an octopus giggle ten times?
tu give him ten-tickles (tenticles)

#11 How do tu make lady gaga cry?
Poker face!

#12 What did Beethoven become when he died?
A decomposer!

#13 What's a chicken's favorito! composer?
Bach!

#14 What did one eye say to the other eye?
"Between tu and me man, something smells." (Your nose)

#15 What did the stamp say to the envelope?
"Stick with me man, we'll go places."

#16 What did the hat say to the hatrack?
"Stay here, I'll go on a-head."

#17 Why can't tu hear a pteradactyl use the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent (the letter p in the name is silent)

#18 Why did the little boy eat his homework?
The teacher dicho it was a piece of cake.

#19 Why did the tomate blush?
It saw the ensalada dressing.

#20 What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
"Ruff!" (Rough)

#21 Why did the man send his phone to school?
He wanted a smartphone (i came up with that one too :)

#22 How do crazy people go through a forest?
They take the psycho path.

#23 How do tu know if it's raining gatos and dogs?
tu step in a poodle (puddle)

#24 How do tu know if a clock is wise?
It goes clockwise (i thought of that)

#25 How do tu get pikachu on a bus?
tu pokémon (pok 'em on)

#26 Why can't tu dress with pikachu in the room?
He'll pikachu (peek at you)

#27 What do tu call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese (so old right?)

#28 How do get holy water?
tu boil the hell out of it!

#29 What starts with "E" ends with "E" but only has one letter in it?
An envelope, duh xD

#30 Why didn't the skeleton cruzar, cruz the road?
He didn't have the guts to.

#31 What did the ghost say to scare the bees?
"BOOOOBEEES!" XD (please don't yell that if your parents are home)

#32 What does an angry pepper do?
It gets jalepeño face! (All up in yo face)

#33 What do tu call an alligator in a vest?
An in- vest-igator investigator

#34 What's rosado, rosa and fluffy?
rosado, rosa fluff
#34.5 what's blue and fluffy? (Think about it)
rosado, rosa fluff holding it's breath.

#35 What happens when tu drink 7 coca colas?
tu burp 7up

#36 Why can't your nose ever be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot.

#37 why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle!

#38 Why was the police man in bed?
He was undercover.

#39 what did one light bulb say to another light bulb?
"Watts up?" (You know li,e the watts that are in a light bulb?)

#40 what did the pescado say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"
LAST ONE!

#41 Why can't tu trust lions?
They be lion to you! (Lying)

Alright so those are my corny jokes. Hope tu liked them. Make sure tu check out vlogbrothers they're really cool. Ciao! And rememeber...
 PewDiePie
PewDiePie
posted by IloveMyLord
1
Remember, tu don't forgive someone for his o her sake - tu forgive them for your sake. (On a side note, I just read that as "sake", the drink. I think that means it's time for me to get some sushi.)

Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, nor does it mean that you've dado the message that what someone did was okay. It just means that you've let go of the anger o guilt towards someone, o towards yourself. But that can be easier dicho than done. If forgiveness was easy, everyone would be doing it.



"When tu hold resentment toward another, tu are bound to that person o condition por an emotional...
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What Color Of Socks Are tu Wearing?

Red = Loud
Green = Stupid
None = Freaky
Fuzzy = Gorgeous
Yellow = Innocent
Purple = A Little Too Happy
Black = Emo
Stripes = Funny
Gray = Ugly.
rosado, rosa = Preppy
Light Blue = Sweaty
Other = Hot
White = Sexy


What Kind Of Pants Are tu Wearing?
Shorts = Cutie
Skirt/Skort = Cheerleader
Corduroy = Weirdo
Tight Jeans = Scene Kid
Ripped Jeans = Emo
Cammo = Cage Fighter
Jeans = Prep .
Pajamas = Creep
Cargo = Clown
Sweats = Athlete
Boxers = Brat
Booty Shorts = Female
Capris = Gangster
Nothing = Dare-Devil
Dickies = Weirdo
Bikini Bottoms = Tiki Girl
Other = Drug Addict


What Is Your Natural...
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posted by MsMindlessAztec
5
1. We dont ALWAYS want sex...only sometimes
2. we dont like it when tu tell us wat to do
3. never, ever look at other girls with us...otherwise your kicked out
4. borrar any pictures of ANY other girls on your phones/computers
5. tu need to listen to us
6. if tu going to ignore us at least do a good job at it.
7. dont always say "i amor you" like 5 times a day, then we think somethings up
8. bringging us to a club and getting us drunk for sex is a bad idea
9. if tu get in a fight, admit that your wrong...we like that
10. never say that your the "king of MY casle"
11. always tell us if your borrowing...
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 Rose Island before its destruction
Rose Island before its destruction
-The Republic of Rose Island (Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozol in Esperanto, the official language of the once-micronation)
-Area: .04 km (4305 sq. ft.)
-Date of foundation: June 24, 1968
-Leader: President Giorgio Rosa
-Language: Esperanto
-Currency: Mill
-Location: Adriatic Sea, between Cesnatico and Rimini, Italy

The Republic of Rose Island (Esperanto: Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozoj) was a short-lived micronation on a man-made platform in the Adriatic Sea, 11 km (7 mi) off the coast of the province of Forlì, Italy.

In 1967, Italian engineer Giorgio Rosa funded the construction of a 400...
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posted by bubbletl
7
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If tu have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal por conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what tu think."

7. Claim that tu must always wear a bicycle casco as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything...
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posted by ultimatefredde
7
1. Guys for gods sake, dont pretend being something tu aren´t girls have a sixth sense we don´t have and find out sooner o later

2. Dance!

3.Flirt, they aren´t the only ones who should do this.

4.Tell her what tu really enjoy in life

5.Help them out when needed.

6.Avoid playing those "Gay games" with your pals, it´s just not right

7.avoid grabbing your "parts" on public. Really.

8.Be original, with gifts, don´t just give flowers, o take her to dinner, also sometimes a card o a simple walk in the park is good to try

9.Be romantic and take shyness away

10. Express your feelings, tu wont die...
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posted by tamar20
9
1. WRITE EVERYTHING IN trofeos LOCK OVERUSE trofeos LOCK! WHEN tu REALLY SHOULD WRITE SOMETHING IN ALL trofeos THOUGH, USE ALL LOWERCASE LETTERS!

2. Don't use any punctuation.

3. Purposely spell things wrong and then get really upset when people don't understand you.

4. Overuse the comma, for example: "today, I, really, had, a, bad, day."

5. Use Sticky trofeos Capitalize every other letter.

6. Forget the grammar And when someone asks tu what tu mean just repeat it the exact same way.

7. Capitalize each word This annoys some people very, very much.

8. Use absolutely no vowels.

9. Answer every thing they say...
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1.    When a stranger helps me pick up something I accidentally dropped
2.    When the DJ plays a song I requested
3.    Reading my old diaries/journals
4.    Hearing good results from the dentist
5.    Coming inicial after being away for a while
6.    The fresh feeling after I wash my face
7.    Getting in line before it gets long
8.    Being in the car while its going through an electric car wash
9.    Finding out your having...
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I was scrolling across deviantART, and came across this HIGHLY shocking news that everyone needs to know about right now!

We all know about copyright infringement and the numerous laws preventing us from using copyrighted material. Some sites and companies take these things very seriously if tu do not have permission from dicho company. But there are sites and companies that's only ask that tu give credit where credit is due. Thankfully like DA.

Now, over the past few days I have just been strolling thru the Internet, visiting some of my fav sites to chill on, and every site has been posting...
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posted by Thecharliejay
2
100 Ways to Annoy People
1.Get to know a friends bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
2.Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
3.Call other people "Champ" o "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."
4.Drum on every available surface.
5.Sing the batman theme incessantly.
6.Staple papers together in the middle of the page.
7.Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
8.Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
9.Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
10.Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
11.Insist on giving...
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posted by KateKicksAss
7
This is a bunch of the funnies FML's I've found on FML lately.
Credit: link




"Today, I went to the cine with my boyfriend. As we got to the ticket booth, a couple of girls queued behind us. My boyfriend graciously introduced me as his little sister, and invited the girls to registrarse us. We've been together for two years. FML"


"Today, I found out that my dad makes me wear dresses and skirts not because I look pretty in them, but because he was sick and tired of people asking him if I was a boy o a girl. FML"

"Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the...
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posted by shelb18
3
1. Go to www.google.com and look up funny things that most people would hate.
2. Draw on Justin Beibers face.(french guy, hearts, ect.)
3. sit and watch tv then call ur friend and tell her every detail of what u were watching. dont forget quotes.
4. Yell at a sibling then scream across the house to ur mom tht ur sibling yelled @ u bcuz u called her a midget.
5. Scream to ur friend that tu had fun in Montanna and that uve nvr been there.
6. Run around thhe neighborhood until u get dizzy
7. Look up how to play a sport u have no interest in then tell ur parents all about the sport and say u dont like it. then change ur mind and ssay tu amor it. then change it again and do that untill your parents get anoyed.
8. Tell ur sister o brother that she/he's a brat then give them a hug.
9.scream to the computer that u miss your dad. even if he's standing right there.
10. tell justin beiber's pic on the internet that he's a jerk, then apologize.
posted by smileypop9
1
Million has 6 zeros
Billion has 9 zeros
Trillion has 12 zeros
Quadrillion has 15 zeros
Quintillion has 18 zeros
Sextillion has 21 zeros
Septillion has 24 zeros
Octillion has 27 zeros
Nonillion has 30 zeros
Decillion has 33 zeros
Undecillion has 36 zeros
Duodecillion has 39 zeros
Tredecillion has 42 zeros
Quattuordecillion has 45 zeros
Quindecillion has 48 zeros
Sexdecillion has 51 zeros
Septendecillion has 54 zeros
Octodecillion has 57 zeros
Novemdecillion has 60 zeros
Vigintillion has 63 zeros
Googol has 100 zeros.
Centillion has 303 zeros (except in Britain, where it has 600 zeros)
Googolplex has a googol of zeros
Gazillion has 86430 zeros
---------------------------
posted by spunkyonyx
2
hola guys, found some interesting and strange facts, some are just facts I have known a long time ago(school, wandering around websites), others are ones that I have found, I apply the fuente if available. Any others tu may want to add up feel free to do so. Enjoy!

1) Coca-cola was once green.
It was green because it was accidentally carbonated when a clerk squirted syrup into the wrong glass.

2)Barbie doll measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33. Wow... she's cut from the team.

3)Intelligent people have más zinc and copper in their hair. *Checks... Woot!

4)You blink about 84 million times...
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posted by x-menobsessed26
2
found on different websites, but crazy baby names have been driving me nuts. Time to get the word out that parents need to stop and think before they let the doctor put pen to paper.

Al Bino (albino)
Amanda Lynn (a mandolin)
Anna Sassin (an assassin)
Annie Howe (any how)
Barb Dwyer (barbed wire)
Barry Cade (barricade)
Ben Dover (bend over)
Brighton Early (bright and early)
Brock Lee (broccoli)
Chris cruzar, cruz (criss-cross)
Chris P. tocino, bacon (crispy bacon)
Constance Noring (constant snoring)
Crystal Ball
Crystal Claire Waters (crystal clear waters)
Dan Druff (dandruff)
Richard Burns (dick burns)
Richard...
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posted by KateKicksAss
Credit: www.rinkworks.com
I thought these were funny, what do tu guys think?


"Do not use if tu cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet.

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

"Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping o unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

"Do not place this product...
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posted by KilledbyanAngel
10
Dear Twilight fans,
Edward is a FAIRY.
Sincerely, Logic
-----------------------------------------
Dear push down and twist medicine bottles,
Not every one can multitask.
Sincerely, I.need.my.meds.
-----------------------------------------
Dear teacher,
Why didn't I go to the bathroom during lunch?
BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE TO THEN!
Sincerely, Annoyed Student
-----------------------------------------
Dear iPod,
You fought bravely. But stay out of the laundry siguiente time.
Sincerely, Washing Machine
-----------------------------------------
Dear Parents,
I'm starting to realize that when tu send me to my room after...
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posted by EminemAddict09
1
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that tu "like it that way".
Drum on every available surface.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Set alarms for misceláneo times.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public entirely of "Beeeep Bip...
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posted by cutiegirl01
11
1. Pretend that your escritorio is a drum and ur pencils are drum sticks.

2. Randomly hypervenlate out of no where.

3. when ur teacher asks if there are an questains on the testhomework shout out 'WHAT'S THE ANSWER TO # 10!'

4. break your pencil on purpse in front of them when there talking then get up and sharpen it.

5. If they ask tu to guess theyre age (no they wont) guess 10 years older then u really think.

6. On ur paper write a misceláneo año and someone elses name and write ur name on a smart kids.

7. Talk to people u hate in class constently then when they tell u to stup up say 'they're bugging me!'...
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posted by Wanda5
5
1.Put your iTunes (or iPod) on shuffle
2.For each question, press the siguiente button to get your answer

1.WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
2.WHAT DO YOUR friends THINK OF YOU?
3.WHAT IF tu GOT SO MAD, THAT EVERYONE STAYED AWAY FROM tu AND LET tu HAVE YOUR el espacio FOR 4 DAYS?
4.WHAT IF THERE WAS A STALKER CHASING YOU?
5. WHAT WOULD tu DO IF YOUR FRIEND BETRAYED YOU?
6.WHAT IF tu SAW A BUNCH OF misceláneo PEOPLE/THINGS?
7.WHAT IF A MALE FRIEND DID EVERY THING AN ADULT CAN DO?
8.WHAT DO tu WANT TO BE WHEN tu GROW UP?
9.WHAT DO tu THINK WHEN tu SEE THE PERSON tu LIKE?
10.WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
11.WHAT WILL...
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