responde esta pregunta

misceláneo Pregunta

Would tu guys be interested in lectura my new story?

It's the año 2017 and the world is at world with World War III, Three kingdoms have raised from the ashes to take over what is now known as the new world. The S.S ruled por King Leo and his kingdom is the area's once known as Germany and europa and Asia. Then the segundo kingdom to raise was japón Organization which is ruled por Mo Ming Lee who rules over the once known China. japón and Africa. The last kingdom to raise was The United and the ruler is King Hunterage who rules over what was once the U.S and South America. Follow to different people Asha and Alife on there journeys for peace and freedom in Dreams Written in Ash

(The Club) link
in-ash


Asha Hunston


Her forehead was dripping in sweat and her hands were shaking know that this was it if she were to go through with her plain she would start everything. The beginning of the end, The end of all the pain and darkness and murder..and war..That's all she wanted was this war to end all she had to do is..pull the trigger..
"Go on do it." A voice raised from the dark.
"I'm not scared of you, do tu know how much pain you've brought to are people?!" Asha's emotions ran free there was no stopping them now.
"Yes.":The voice was cold and dark, it sent chills up her back.
"Then way are tu doing this?! Your killing millions of people! Why not stop it!?" She felt like she was scream but she couldn't tell if she was o wasn't anymore.
"You wouldn't understand." Those words made her even más mad. She had heard those words far to many times before, from her parents, works anyone who looked down on her.
"Try me.." She dicho boldly,
"Promise me one thing?"
"What" She still had the gun pointed at him afraid to drop it.

 malmcd posted hace más de un año
next question »

misceláneo Respuestas

XxKeithHarkinxX said:
Probably not, the escritura isn't very good, the plot doesn't seem that great, and it's not very original.


I also noticed many spelling and grammatical errors, and those alone, throw me off of it.


select as best answer
posted hace más de un año 
Heroine999 said:
Sounds very intersting.I guess I'll read. :)
select as best answer
posted hace más de un año 
*
Thanks Hope tu like it!
malmcd posted hace más de un año
ravissa said:
it looks pretty cool, I'll go check it out :-D
select as best answer
posted hace más de un año 
*
Thank you!
malmcd posted hace más de un año
hetalianstella said:
It sounds like it has a really good plot line.
Sure why not! :)
select as best answer
posted hace más de un año 
*
Thank tu I hope tu like it!
malmcd posted hace más de un año
mintymidget210 said:
Three kingdoms have raised from the ashes to take over what is now known as the new world.
~~~
I hope tu have a better descripción of your plot's background story. .__.

First, how did this World War III lead to the current state of Earth? Bio-chemical warfare? Nuclear fallout? tu should explain further. Just knowing this bit of information can draw in some readers.
If a majority of the world is destroyed, how do the kingdoms have a suitable population? A kingdom tends to have a fair population of about 200,000+. How does this kingdom maintain? Is there farmland? How much of their resources is usable and can be maintained? Depending on the cause/effects of the war, it will greatly effect surrounding areas as well as natural resources.
And why only kingdoms? Why no other alternative governments? Many people are against having one ruler; a King. There are multiple options in government. One society could have easily chosen Communism over a Democracy. o instead of evolving into a kingdom, one man could abuse his acquired power to rule as a dictator. In times of desperation, people may often turn to religion which can create más of an occult type of setting.
How are the three kingdoms aware of each other? Geographically, they are very far apart. How do they communicate? Do they even communicate at all? o are they completely ignorant of each other?
Your story is taking place in 2017. That's not very far from now. It's not enough time for society to gather and rebuild themselves, nonetheless repopulate.


"...you've brought to are people?!"
>.> *our

"Why not stop it!?"
I'm sorry, but this sounds very awkward. Rewrite it.

"She felt like she was scream..."
-____- *facepalm* Really? Really?! tu could not add the simple -ing at the end of the word to make it correct?

"...far to many..."
FJAKSDL FSJAKLDJKS TO?! TO?!?! 'Too' is the correct form. .__.

These are only a few errors. There are many more. Please, for the amor of humanity, improve your grammar and punctuation. I cannot even force myself to try lectura your story from what I have seen already of your escritura on this question. Work on those.

Hater, troll, o just constructive criticism?
tu decide. :P
select as best answer
posted hace más de un año 
*
Thanks no that's helpful really thank tu
malmcd posted hace más de un año
*
I didn't want people to be like oh it doesn't sound interested no thanks I wanted them to tell what they didn't like so thank tu
malmcd posted hace más de un año
*
You're welcome, dear. C;
mintymidget210 posted hace más de un año
hgfan5602 said:
Sure thing it sounds really good and after all, tu are on my fan list!
select as best answer
posted hace más de un año 
MissChicky97 said:
I wrote a story too, it's in my club tu should read it. trololololol
#Shameless self advertising


Sorry dear, normally I'd be all too open to lectura stories but I have a very limited amount of time and I doubt I'd be able to.

I'd like to give some constructive criticism, if tu don't mind.

Every time tu can ask a pregunta about one of your sentences/paragraphs/ideas and it doesn't get answered...
ANSWER IT!
The way tu choose words, sentence types, and the implementation of grammar principles will all have an effect on the reader. Whether it is good o bad, tu will need to decide.
On the topic of your intro, tu want to make sure it is as gripping as possible.
tu have a great idea, all tu need is a touch of technical work. :)
select as best answer
posted hace más de un año 
*
Thank tu that;s what I'm trying to do
malmcd posted hace más de un año
*
Great! If I get some extra time this week, I'll try to read it.
MissChicky97 posted hace más de un año
next question »