I'm from Australia/ Tanzania and just recently came to America so I can't be sure that my grammar is up to par. It could be refined a bit from a organiztion and word choice stand point. But I think it was pretty good overall, and everyone can improve. There's a lot of potential! :)
I think it was convincing-ish. A little organization wouldve been even better though. Nice job ;) Dont worry. These people are just giving tu crap cause they wanna feel like a boss.I bet tu half of the people who answer like that are nerds and wanna be a 'bad boy'