amor

amor has been on my mind a lot lately, and I don't know how to deal with it. My mother always told me not to look so hard because its right in front of me, well I must be blind not to see it cause so far its not. I'm 21 I know I'm young but I found no one. I've had boyfriends, and almost married, then he changed his mind because I wouldnt let him control me, and he wouldnt agree on anything I said. I belive in amor at first sight, and I have been in amor with a man for the past 5 years, and I don't know how to tell him, because he's married, going on 2 years.

I feel so lost and alone, I don't know where else to look o where to go, If amor isnt in front of me, then I should look harder, the sweeter men are HARD to come by, the man I amor happend to be everything I dreamed of as a child. Should I look somewhere else, look harder, and look out of North Jersey? I feel lost, What should I do?