Picture this.
You’re a young guy in high school and you’ve been a closet k-pop fanboy for a while now. Sure, tu talk about it in foros while trolling under the safety of your anonymous handle “Taeyeonfap” but in your actual real life where you’re significantly más chickenshit, nobody knows yet, and you’re not sure when o even if you’re going to tell them. It’s been easy to hide from your parents – they tend to stay out of your bedroom since you’ve hit puberty, they only ever enter to change the clothing and the sheets, so they know from the stains exactly how much fapping is going on and are understandably not wanting to walk in on a “session”. Sure, they see the SNSD poster tu put up but mixed in with all the Sports Illustrated bikini girls they don’t really stick out, and you’re listening to música mainly with headphones these days so tu don’t have to hear “TURN IT DOOOOOWN” from your annoying brother who doesn’t even care what tu listen to because he’s into some bullshit música where they have no talent and scream all the time and tu can’t even hear the words – who actually listens to that shit, tu wonder. So it’s not like anyone’s in danger of busting you.
All is going well in your life, with your k-pop fetish remaining nicely undercover, until one día in the middle of science class, one of these SNSD albums slips out of your bag.
The guy sitting siguiente to tu picks it up and starts laughing – fascinated por “this faggot shit” he starts unboxing it in front of the whole class, to your horror. He lays out all the photocards on the escritorio one por one while canto “heeeeeey, sexy layydeeee, op, op op…” as everyone gathers around and gawks at them, which is really embarrassing. When he takes out the Taeyeon photocard tu get particularly hurt and tu try to grab it off him so he starts making lewd comentarios about her just to fuck with you. To make matters worse, a group of girls behind tu start giggling, including this one girl you’ve had a crush on for a while, so tu guess tu can kiss her off the “she thinks I’m a real man, maybe some día she will touch my genitals” list. Eventually the teacher intervenes and breaks things up, and you’ve never been so happy to have a possession of yours confiscated until hometime. It looks like the class asshole has won this round.
Upset and ashamed, tu go inicial that night. Over cena your parents know that something’s wrong but thankfully they don’t press tu about it – the embarrassment of being “outed” at school was enough humiliation for one day. After cena tu sit with your parents and watch some música competition talent show, and a thought occurs to you: “If only they realised that my k-pop idols are talented”, tu think to yourself “maybe then they will take my amor of this música seriously”. Armed with an iPad loaded with your best arsenal of “look, Taeyeon is a really talented singer” YouTube bookmarks, tu return to school the siguiente día and mostrar it around the class.
It goes about as well as tu realistically hoped it would – the girls are impressed while tu talk enthusiastically about the harsh training regimes of k-pop and can see your point about Taeyeon, plus that one girl tu like is kind of talking to tu again – maybe a handjob behind the bike shed from her is a realistic dream after all. The guy who gave tu all that shit yesterday grudgingly says “you’re still a faggot for liking that gay shit” but other than this, he keeps to himself and doesn’t press the issue, seeing that tu have the upper hand with the ladies and not wanting to get them off-side, after all he wants that handjob as much as tu do. tu go inicial feeling vindicated.
After a while, things calm down, and people seem to forget about it. Then, a few weeks later, the school bully confronts you, smartphone in hand.
“Hey, do tu like this song?” He shows you, Barbarbar, por Crayon Pop.
“No!” tu exclaim instantly, “they’re not talented at all!”
“Shut the fuck up fag. You’re into this k-pop bullshit, and this is a fucking hit song, it’s number one in Korea. tu amor this shit, tu fucking cunt.”
tu try to protest, but it’s too late. Word has already spread around the school and your pontification on “idol talent” now looks like a joke that everyone is only too keen to rub in your face. Lunchtimes become an ordeal with people canto “BaBa-Bar Bar, BaBaBa-Bar” at tu everywhere tu go in the yard, and occasionally a group of bullies will corner tu somewhere and refuse to let tu pass until tu do the “jumping, jumping” dance. Their favourite time to do this is just before tu leave for inicial on your bicycle – “the casco gives your dance a más authentic feel”, they remind you. That girl tu like never talks to tu again and your school social life rapidly disintegrates as nobody wants to be seen hanging out with tu for fear of also becoming a victim.
Desperate and with pent-up anger that has no outlet in the real world, tu turn to the Internet and unleash as much Crayon Pop hate as tu can handle, but it’s no use. It’s obvious to tu that the girls are gang members and thugs, but in a unique and astoundingly clever pre-emptive marketing strategy, the girls have left their true colours wide out in the open for everybody to see.
tu watch them rob some innocent hard-working pimp collecting his overdue payments from a lazy whore here, and this isn’t some saesang candid camera, this is on their official video, which means they’re proud of this shit.
tu also note that their dance tutorial shows them openly bullying class members and practicing fighting moves, just like the ones that guy used to puñetazo, ponche tu in the stomach the other day, it’s practically an instruction manual on how to slap people down.
What can tu do to tarnish the online reputation of a group who are already this openly gangster? Nothing. Even other groups and the media are frightened of them. Yet they got to #1, and they can barely even sing unlike your beautiful perfect ángel Taeyeon, where is the justice in this world…
A mes later when tu are found hanging in your bedroom with a note saying “Taeyeon I’m sorry” which baffles the shit out of your parents (“Who? Is that someone at school?”), the media chalks up your swinging corpse as another statistic in the global phenomenon known as “The Crayon Pop fanboy cull”. At school, tu are not missed and the world of k-pop fandoms becomes 0.0001% más sane as a global average due to your sudden departure.
Crayon Pop are helping the mental health of k-pop fandom culture por disposing of their psychologically weakest specimens. Be sure to cheer them on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
credit goes to kpopalpyse for this hilarious story
link
You’re a young guy in high school and you’ve been a closet k-pop fanboy for a while now. Sure, tu talk about it in foros while trolling under the safety of your anonymous handle “Taeyeonfap” but in your actual real life where you’re significantly más chickenshit, nobody knows yet, and you’re not sure when o even if you’re going to tell them. It’s been easy to hide from your parents – they tend to stay out of your bedroom since you’ve hit puberty, they only ever enter to change the clothing and the sheets, so they know from the stains exactly how much fapping is going on and are understandably not wanting to walk in on a “session”. Sure, they see the SNSD poster tu put up but mixed in with all the Sports Illustrated bikini girls they don’t really stick out, and you’re listening to música mainly with headphones these days so tu don’t have to hear “TURN IT DOOOOOWN” from your annoying brother who doesn’t even care what tu listen to because he’s into some bullshit música where they have no talent and scream all the time and tu can’t even hear the words – who actually listens to that shit, tu wonder. So it’s not like anyone’s in danger of busting you.
All is going well in your life, with your k-pop fetish remaining nicely undercover, until one día in the middle of science class, one of these SNSD albums slips out of your bag.
The guy sitting siguiente to tu picks it up and starts laughing – fascinated por “this faggot shit” he starts unboxing it in front of the whole class, to your horror. He lays out all the photocards on the escritorio one por one while canto “heeeeeey, sexy layydeeee, op, op op…” as everyone gathers around and gawks at them, which is really embarrassing. When he takes out the Taeyeon photocard tu get particularly hurt and tu try to grab it off him so he starts making lewd comentarios about her just to fuck with you. To make matters worse, a group of girls behind tu start giggling, including this one girl you’ve had a crush on for a while, so tu guess tu can kiss her off the “she thinks I’m a real man, maybe some día she will touch my genitals” list. Eventually the teacher intervenes and breaks things up, and you’ve never been so happy to have a possession of yours confiscated until hometime. It looks like the class asshole has won this round.
Upset and ashamed, tu go inicial that night. Over cena your parents know that something’s wrong but thankfully they don’t press tu about it – the embarrassment of being “outed” at school was enough humiliation for one day. After cena tu sit with your parents and watch some música competition talent show, and a thought occurs to you: “If only they realised that my k-pop idols are talented”, tu think to yourself “maybe then they will take my amor of this música seriously”. Armed with an iPad loaded with your best arsenal of “look, Taeyeon is a really talented singer” YouTube bookmarks, tu return to school the siguiente día and mostrar it around the class.
It goes about as well as tu realistically hoped it would – the girls are impressed while tu talk enthusiastically about the harsh training regimes of k-pop and can see your point about Taeyeon, plus that one girl tu like is kind of talking to tu again – maybe a handjob behind the bike shed from her is a realistic dream after all. The guy who gave tu all that shit yesterday grudgingly says “you’re still a faggot for liking that gay shit” but other than this, he keeps to himself and doesn’t press the issue, seeing that tu have the upper hand with the ladies and not wanting to get them off-side, after all he wants that handjob as much as tu do. tu go inicial feeling vindicated.
After a while, things calm down, and people seem to forget about it. Then, a few weeks later, the school bully confronts you, smartphone in hand.
“Hey, do tu like this song?” He shows you, Barbarbar, por Crayon Pop.
“No!” tu exclaim instantly, “they’re not talented at all!”
“Shut the fuck up fag. You’re into this k-pop bullshit, and this is a fucking hit song, it’s number one in Korea. tu amor this shit, tu fucking cunt.”
tu try to protest, but it’s too late. Word has already spread around the school and your pontification on “idol talent” now looks like a joke that everyone is only too keen to rub in your face. Lunchtimes become an ordeal with people canto “BaBa-Bar Bar, BaBaBa-Bar” at tu everywhere tu go in the yard, and occasionally a group of bullies will corner tu somewhere and refuse to let tu pass until tu do the “jumping, jumping” dance. Their favourite time to do this is just before tu leave for inicial on your bicycle – “the casco gives your dance a más authentic feel”, they remind you. That girl tu like never talks to tu again and your school social life rapidly disintegrates as nobody wants to be seen hanging out with tu for fear of also becoming a victim.
Desperate and with pent-up anger that has no outlet in the real world, tu turn to the Internet and unleash as much Crayon Pop hate as tu can handle, but it’s no use. It’s obvious to tu that the girls are gang members and thugs, but in a unique and astoundingly clever pre-emptive marketing strategy, the girls have left their true colours wide out in the open for everybody to see.
tu watch them rob some innocent hard-working pimp collecting his overdue payments from a lazy whore here, and this isn’t some saesang candid camera, this is on their official video, which means they’re proud of this shit.
tu also note that their dance tutorial shows them openly bullying class members and practicing fighting moves, just like the ones that guy used to puñetazo, ponche tu in the stomach the other day, it’s practically an instruction manual on how to slap people down.
What can tu do to tarnish the online reputation of a group who are already this openly gangster? Nothing. Even other groups and the media are frightened of them. Yet they got to #1, and they can barely even sing unlike your beautiful perfect ángel Taeyeon, where is the justice in this world…
A mes later when tu are found hanging in your bedroom with a note saying “Taeyeon I’m sorry” which baffles the shit out of your parents (“Who? Is that someone at school?”), the media chalks up your swinging corpse as another statistic in the global phenomenon known as “The Crayon Pop fanboy cull”. At school, tu are not missed and the world of k-pop fandoms becomes 0.0001% más sane as a global average due to your sudden departure.
Crayon Pop are helping the mental health of k-pop fandom culture por disposing of their psychologically weakest specimens. Be sure to cheer them on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
credit goes to kpopalpyse for this hilarious story
link