1. When a twilight fan says 'twilight rocks' say 'rocks made of twilight?'
2. Go up to a twilight fan, scream 'Bella! Bella! BELLA!!!! YOU'RE AWESOME!!!!' when they say 'I know right!' say 'Oh no I meant Bellatrix'
3. Ask them all preguntas about twilight that tu can think of. When they ask why say 'I'm doing a book reportar on the most boring libros of the world'
4. Get all the boys and twilight haters (better for them to be Harry Potter fans) to start saying 'Edward, Edwardo, Eddibear, sparkle sparkle'
5. Say that tu hate Stephanie Meyer, she's a horrible autor and her libros make want to poke your eyes out with a pencil. Then say that lectura JK Rowling's libros are like lectura libros sent from heaven.
6. Tell them that people like Dracula and Voldemort are way más famous and that they can kick Edward's ass!
7. If they tell tu that Twilight are the bestselling and most popular libros ever, go on Wikipedia with them, buscar bestselling books, scroll down and mostrar them that twilight is not there. Then go to best selling book series, scroll down, down, down, down past Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Nancy Drew, Captain calzoncillos, ropa interior etc. when tu finally see twilight say 'Oh look there's twilight right there. Almost at the bottom.'
8. Tell them tu went online and gave the new twilight movie one star, when they ask why say 'because Robert Pattinson was totally wearing lipstick!'
9. Remind them Edward Cullen/Jacob Black isn't real.
10. Tell a fan that you'll send her a T-Shirt with Edward Cullen on both sides. After the two days go by, don't send her anything. When she comes up and asks tu why, tell her because tu wanted to give someone that handsome to her in person. When she gets excited, give her a T-Shirt with Hagrid on it.
11. Tell them 'real men don't sparkle' when they ask 'who dicho that real men don't sparkle?' say 'Have tu got ear problems? I dicho Only gay men sparkle. Jeez.'
12. When they try to force tu into watching twilight, try to force them into watching Harry Potter. If they say 'But I hate it!' say 'Well I hate twilight!' and when they say 'just watch it and you'll like it!' say 'No, tu watch Harry Potter and you'll like it!' etc.
13. Wen they tell tu they dreamed about Edward Cullen say 'oh my goodness what a nightmare!'
14. When they say the dreamed about Edward Cullen say 'well I dreamed about Voldemort, they're equally hot right?'
15. If tu catch them lectura twilight, snatch the book, throw it in a trash can, say 'oh man I dropped it'
16. If tu catch them watching a twilight movie, wait for the part that Edward o Jacob (depending on who the fan likes more) take his camisa, camiseta off, when this part comes jump in front of the screen and scream 'FRED AND GEORGE ARE HOTTER! fred AND GEORGE ARE HOTTER!' when the part ends walk away from the screen saying 'oh never mind'
17. When they ask 'why do tu hate twilight so much?' say 'I don't hate it, I actually amor it' when they say 'really?' say 'Yeah it's my favorito! part of the day. tu know after the sun sits and the sky is like all purplish and all.'
18. If tu find a twilight book in their bag, take it and replace it with a Harry Potter one.
19. Tell them that Edward is a "hand-me-down" because twilight got him after Harry Potter was finished with him.
20. Say that Stephenie Meyer totally estola the names Bella, Alice, James, Black and Clearwater from JK Rowling
21. lista every power that a wizard can have and use all at once (seeing the future, lectura minds, etc.), that a vampire would only have one of.
22. Whenever they mention Jacob Black, innocently ask if they meant Wormtail.
23. Say that Bella cisne and Argus Filch would make such a romantic couple.
24. Flinch whenever they say Edward and tell them to say You-Know-Who
25. Explain how Twilight hombres lobo are really Animagi, and ask whether they're registered with the Ministry of Magic.
26. Tell them they're so crazy they have to go to St. Mungo's
27. Always remind them of the Dumbledore quote 'It does no good dwell in dreams' then remind them that the idea of twilight came to Stephenie Meyer in a dream.
28. Compare Edward Cullen to Mad Eye Moody. Compare silly stuff like their hair, skin color etc. that of course are going to be similar. Then say 'how could tu fall for someone who looks totally like Moody?'
29. When they remember Edward say 'Edward who?' when they say 'Edward Cullen' say 'Edward Swollen?'
30. If they say Harry Potter wears weird glasses, say 'Well at least he WEARS glasses. He doesn't sparkle like glasses. Unlike Edward Cullen over here!'
31. When they say Bella is was so brave, remind them what she did when Edward left her, then what Hermione did when Ron chose another one, then what Ginny did when Harry Left her. Compare them and then say 'Now tu tell me, which one would tu choose to do?'
32. Whenever they mention anything/anyone related to twilight say 'STOP BLOWING UP MY EARS!'
33. When they say they dreamed that Edward/Jacob kissed them, say 'A dementor kissed you?'
34. When they beg tu enough to read twilight, say okay. Open it,start lectura aloud, at the end of every sentence, make fun of the sentence tu read.
35. Ask them 'how come Edward Cullen is a vegetarian? I thought vampiros can't eat vegetables o fruits.'
36. Grab an empty notebook and a pencil, sit siguiente to them, write Stephenie Meyer a very long hate letter, and mutter what you're escritura out loud.
37. When they call on the phone and start talking about how hot is Robert Pattinson playing Edward Cullen, interrupt them and say 'Hey I just saw Daniel Radcliffe walking on my street! I'll go say hi and remind him of the stupid choice Robert made' then hang up in their face.
38. Tell them ' I heard there will be another book' when they get all excited, tell them 'You do know I mean another Harry Potter book right?'
39. Tell them Harry Potter is better than twilight, when they start to argue keep muttering 'Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter. Twilight sucks Twilight sucks Twilight sucks' like crazy.
40. Tell them that tu think Voldemort is prettier than Rosalie.
41. Tell them that vampiros and hombres lobo don't exist, when they say 'Wizards don't exist either' say 'Oh yes we do!' then take a stick, point it at them and shout 'Avada Kadavra!' When it doesn't work keep on poking the stick and shouting the same words. Extra points if tu poke them at least five times.
42. Tell them that JK Rowling got her book published with only one chapter while Stephenie Meyer got twilight barley published with the whole novel.
43. Tell them Hermione plays paino way better than Edward.
44. Tell them the Volturi are too stupid to walk all the way from Italy to Forks and not fly.
45. Tell them if tu meet Bella you'll slap her in the face.
46. When they start talking about twilight pretend to be staring into space. After a few hours of their talking, when they finally finished say 'huh? what? Sorry I didn't hear you. I was thinking about Harry Potter'
47. When they tell tu to get a life, say 'why? Edward doesn't have one'
48. When they say they amor Edward ask why, when they tell tu the reason, ask why once again. Keep on asking why after everything they say.
49. Go to her room with your friends, remove all the twilight posters, pillows, cama covers etc. burn them, replace them with Harry Potter ones. Extra points of tu do not get caught and she never finds out it was tu who did it.
50. Buy a twilight pencil, when she says she wants it. Tell her 'okay, let me just sharpen it for you.' sharpen it until it's all gone, then say 'aw man!I'm sorry there's nothing left of it.' Extra points if she searches the trash can like crazy looking for the pencil cores.