WARNING This articulo might be quite offensive to twilight, so if you're a fan of twilight (especially if you're one of these crazy fangirls) please do not waste your time to read this and comment. I know there's no point of me telling tu this because you'll read and comentario anyways, but at least I tried.
Dear characters of twilight,
Bella, please get a life. When peoples' amor leave them, they try to stay strong and keep fighting for what is worth it like Hermione did. They do not curl up in the fetal position and go numb for weeks like tu did.
Edward, tu think you're hot when tu sparkle? Well you're not. And your taste in women is reckless. Who falls in amor with someone who can barley put two words together? Plus, who the hell is so dumb to change from a really cool character (Cedric) to such a loser (Edward)?
Jacob, it was so so SO dumb of tu to fall in amor with someone who is five minutos old. And your choice of women is reckless as well because tu fell in amor with the same chick the other jerk, what's his name again? Oh yeah, Edward.
Carlisle, tu call yourself and your clan vampires? tu guys don't even come close to mosquitoes who drink only a drop of human blood. Yeah, that's so smart of tu not drinking human blood. If a vampire drinks he drinks human blood, THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE FREAKING KNOWN FOR!!
Esme, tu barley even talk in the whole series!! I thought the mom is suppose to be a big part of all this. I think tu should pay más attention to Molly Weasley to know what a real mom is.
James, Please stop trying to talk posher than queen Elizabeth. No one talks like that and it's not cool at all. And you're seriously comparing yourself to Voldemort? Seriously? Oh God if he heard this he would be so embarrassed.... oh wait... villains don't get embarrassed unlike somebody here.
Victoria, tu think you're so cool an badass huh? Well lets call Bellatrix and see how badass you'll be then! Yeah I'll bet she'll be having your culo on fuego in a matter of seconds!
Renesmee, tu do not believe how sorry I feel for you. First, tu have an incredibly dumb sparkling mom, a huge show-off sparkling dad, and a psycho werewolf boyfriend that is older than tu in like what? 18 years? Second, your dumb mom gave tu an even dumber name. Renesmee Carlie Cullen. What a shame.... I feel really sorry for tu kid.
Rosalie, you're just as much as a mostrar off as Edward. tu think you're so pretty and all? Well tu know what I think? I think Lord Voldemort is prettier than you! And he's bald and doesn't have a nose! The only thing I ever liked tu for is that tu used to hate Bella. But yet again, tu USED to hate Bella, tu don't anymore so I don't like tu at all.
Jasper, Good Job imitating Harry on the messy hair, too bad it didn't work. And good for tu Harry never saw it, he would pass out. Though if tu ate Bella in New Moon he would actually like you, but tu didn't so HA!
Emmett, What can I say here? Your whole Teddy oso, oso de reputation is getting boring. So don't even try, no one will ever be as big, awesome and cuddly as Hagrid.
Alice, I think tu have to take lessons from Trelawney to learn how to see the future, at least she can predict exactly what would happen and not just possibilities. And stop trying to get popular and cool por organizing parties and all, because that's realy getting stupid.
Aro, if you're an evil vampire, no if you're even a vampire I'm Ron's Quidditch hat!! Nuf said
Jane, if tu think you're cool you're wrong. I can call fred and George and make tu guys compete. And don't even try to use your powers because they're not dumb not to put some spell that blocks that.
Regards, a Harry Potter fan
If tu have any más additions, feel free to tell me in the comentarios and I'll add them to the letter.
Dear characters of twilight,
Bella, please get a life. When peoples' amor leave them, they try to stay strong and keep fighting for what is worth it like Hermione did. They do not curl up in the fetal position and go numb for weeks like tu did.
Edward, tu think you're hot when tu sparkle? Well you're not. And your taste in women is reckless. Who falls in amor with someone who can barley put two words together? Plus, who the hell is so dumb to change from a really cool character (Cedric) to such a loser (Edward)?
Jacob, it was so so SO dumb of tu to fall in amor with someone who is five minutos old. And your choice of women is reckless as well because tu fell in amor with the same chick the other jerk, what's his name again? Oh yeah, Edward.
Carlisle, tu call yourself and your clan vampires? tu guys don't even come close to mosquitoes who drink only a drop of human blood. Yeah, that's so smart of tu not drinking human blood. If a vampire drinks he drinks human blood, THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE FREAKING KNOWN FOR!!
Esme, tu barley even talk in the whole series!! I thought the mom is suppose to be a big part of all this. I think tu should pay más attention to Molly Weasley to know what a real mom is.
James, Please stop trying to talk posher than queen Elizabeth. No one talks like that and it's not cool at all. And you're seriously comparing yourself to Voldemort? Seriously? Oh God if he heard this he would be so embarrassed.... oh wait... villains don't get embarrassed unlike somebody here.
Victoria, tu think you're so cool an badass huh? Well lets call Bellatrix and see how badass you'll be then! Yeah I'll bet she'll be having your culo on fuego in a matter of seconds!
Renesmee, tu do not believe how sorry I feel for you. First, tu have an incredibly dumb sparkling mom, a huge show-off sparkling dad, and a psycho werewolf boyfriend that is older than tu in like what? 18 years? Second, your dumb mom gave tu an even dumber name. Renesmee Carlie Cullen. What a shame.... I feel really sorry for tu kid.
Rosalie, you're just as much as a mostrar off as Edward. tu think you're so pretty and all? Well tu know what I think? I think Lord Voldemort is prettier than you! And he's bald and doesn't have a nose! The only thing I ever liked tu for is that tu used to hate Bella. But yet again, tu USED to hate Bella, tu don't anymore so I don't like tu at all.
Jasper, Good Job imitating Harry on the messy hair, too bad it didn't work. And good for tu Harry never saw it, he would pass out. Though if tu ate Bella in New Moon he would actually like you, but tu didn't so HA!
Emmett, What can I say here? Your whole Teddy oso, oso de reputation is getting boring. So don't even try, no one will ever be as big, awesome and cuddly as Hagrid.
Alice, I think tu have to take lessons from Trelawney to learn how to see the future, at least she can predict exactly what would happen and not just possibilities. And stop trying to get popular and cool por organizing parties and all, because that's realy getting stupid.
Aro, if you're an evil vampire, no if you're even a vampire I'm Ron's Quidditch hat!! Nuf said
Jane, if tu think you're cool you're wrong. I can call fred and George and make tu guys compete. And don't even try to use your powers because they're not dumb not to put some spell that blocks that.
Regards, a Harry Potter fan
If tu have any más additions, feel free to tell me in the comentarios and I'll add them to the letter.
(I didn't include plot, good characters, etc. because those are automatically included)
1. POTATO.
2. pirates
3. ninjas
4. An awesome pirate/ninja fight
5. Swords (preferably celestial bronze)
6. Closets (for Edward to hide deep inside)
7. giraffes
8. YOUR FACE
9. YOUR MOM
10. YOUR MOM'S FACE
11. Butterflies
12. Chuck Norris
13. Jet-packs
14. kittens
15. strip poker :D
16. hand lotion
17. Sue Sylvester
18. sherbet
19. 20 fagot players :D
20. SNICKERS
21. Jedis
22. Druids :D
23. FREE ICE CREAM
24. A monkey called Jeeves who occasionally slaps Bella
25. YOU.
1. POTATO.
2. pirates
3. ninjas
4. An awesome pirate/ninja fight
5. Swords (preferably celestial bronze)
6. Closets (for Edward to hide deep inside)
7. giraffes
8. YOUR FACE
9. YOUR MOM
10. YOUR MOM'S FACE
11. Butterflies
12. Chuck Norris
13. Jet-packs
14. kittens
15. strip poker :D
16. hand lotion
17. Sue Sylvester
18. sherbet
19. 20 fagot players :D
20. SNICKERS
21. Jedis
22. Druids :D
23. FREE ICE CREAM
24. A monkey called Jeeves who occasionally slaps Bella
25. YOU.
WTF?! Sparkly vampires?!
Is it just me, o does it seem like most of the Twilight fans feel that they have to write in capitol letters to get their points across? Personally i find it really annoying.
It's also a fact that if tu write in capitol letters IT TAKES LONGER FOR THE BRAIN TO PROCESS THE INFORMATION and therefore takes longer to read. Originally all the road signs (In England anyway) were written in capitol letters, until they were redone and someone found that smaller case letters were quicker to read. So they changed it.
So siguiente time tu feel like shouting because your book sucks, don't write in capitols, but put...
*shouting*... at the begining of your speech.
Thank you. That is all.
It's also a fact that if tu write in capitol letters IT TAKES LONGER FOR THE BRAIN TO PROCESS THE INFORMATION and therefore takes longer to read. Originally all the road signs (In England anyway) were written in capitol letters, until they were redone and someone found that smaller case letters were quicker to read. So they changed it.
So siguiente time tu feel like shouting because your book sucks, don't write in capitols, but put...
*shouting*... at the begining of your speech.
Thank you. That is all.
Sorcerer's Stone
