These are some of my favourite Wilson moments. Most of them are House/Wilson moments, because those are always good moments! They are all from seasons 1, 2 and 3 because season 4 is not screening in New Zealand yet so I haven't seen it! So if tu want to comentario about season 4 Wilson moments, can tu please write that it is a spoiler o something so that I don't read it!
Dr. Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.
Dr. Gregory House: Thank you. It was either that o get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.
Dr. Wilson: [Wilson is quoting a poem from a patient of House's] 'The healer with his magic powers! / I could rub his gentle brow for hours. / His manly chest, his stubbled jaw, / Everything about him leaves me raw-'
Dr. Gregory House: Psych ward's upstairs.
Dr. Wilson: -with joy. Oh, House your very name / Will never leave this girl the same.' It's not bad for an 82-year-old. She asked me to give that to her true love.
Dr. Gregory House: What can I say? Chicks with no teeth turn me on.
Dr. Wilson: That's fairly disgusting.
Dr. Gregory House: That's ageism.
Dr. Wilson: tu better watch yourself around this babe.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [approaching with two young-looking female interns] Dr. House!
Dr. Gregory House: Time for Girl Scout galletas already?
Dr. Wilson: Get me some Thin Mints.
Dr. Gregory House: tu bastard. tu invited my parents to dinner.
Dr. Wilson: Geez, Cameron's got a big mouth.
Dr. Gregory House: Ha! Not as big as yours.
Dr. Wilson: Hey, tu used me to avoid seeing your parents.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, what do tu care?
Dr. Wilson: I don't. I just thought it might be interesting to find out why.
Dr. Gregory House: tu could have just asked.
Dr. Wilson: tu would have lied.
Dr. Gregory House: And tu would have believed me. Which would have kept us both happy. Do tu want your money back, is that what this is about?
Dr. Wilson: No! Wait, what? Have tu got the money?
[House starts to write check]
Dr. Wilson: If tu have the money, then why did tu need the loan?
Dr. Gregory House: I didn't. I just wanted to see if you'd give it to me. I've been borrowing increasing amounts ever since tu lent me forty dollars a año ago. A little experiment to see where you'd draw the line.
Dr. Wilson: You're - you're trying to objectively measure how much I value our friendship?
Dr. Gregory House: That's five grand, you've got nothing to be ashamed of. So what do tu say, one little phone call, one big check?
Dr. Wilson: Fine.
[takes check]
Dr. Wilson: Thanks.
[gets in car]
Dr. Wilson: Now, be a grownup and either tell mommy and daddy tu don't want to see them o I'm picking tu up at 7:00 for dinner.
Dr. Gregory House: What do tu mean? tu just said...
Dr. Wilson: I lied. I've been lying to tu in increasing amounts ever since I told tu tu look good unshaved a año ago. It's a little experiment, tu know, to see where you'd draw the line.
Dr. Wilson: I am so tired of this.
[pause]
Dr. Wilson: Did tu know that the new nurse from cardiology is sleeping with that weird lawyer from the board?
Dr. Gregory House: The guy with eleven fingers?
Dr. Wilson: He has eleven fingers?
Dr. Gregory House: How do tu not notice that?
Dr. Wilson: The nurse used to be a man.
Dr. Gregory House: [guessing] She's not anymore.
Dr. Wilson: But we can't talk about that.
Dr. Gregory House: I thought we were.
Dr. Wilson: We were supposed to talk about that. I came here to talk about that, but on the way up, I ran into Cameron. You've got a CIPA patient.
Dr. Gregory House: [thinks] ... tranny nurse is más interesting.
Dr. Wilson: Oh, it's WAY más interesting. But instead, I've gotta be your damn conscience. I'm tired of being your conscience. I don't enjoy being your conscience...
Dr. Gregory House: No one enjoys it...
Dr. Wilson: You're studying her.
Dr. Gregory House: She's actually sick.
Dr. Wilson: Which tu found out after tu took her on.
Dr. Gregory House: I was curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous.
Dr. Wilson: I don't think that metaphor was designed to actually warn cats. tu don't care about her illness, tu care about CIPA - which means your focus is gonna be on getting your answers, not hers.
Dr. Gregory House: Thank you. Forewarned is forearmed.
Dr. Wilson: What do tu think you're gonna figure out? tu think... her lack of pain is somehow the answer to your pain.
Dr. Gregory House: I think... if you'd stop talking to Cameron, then right now we could be ranking nurses in order of doability.
Dr. Gregory House: Fine. I'll ask one of my other friends.
Dr. Wilson: Huh...
Dr. Gregory House: What? You're saying I've only got one friend?
Dr. Wilson: Uh... and... who...?
Dr. Gregory House: Kevin. In bookkeeping.
Dr. Wilson: Okay, well, first of all, his name's Karl...
Dr. Gregory House: I call him Kevin. It's his secret friendship club name.
Dr. Wilson: [to House] Trying to win Stacy back por killing an animal. Very caveman.
Dr. Gregory House: Trouble in paradise. 2 o'clock.
Dr. Wilson: Wait, your 2 o'clock o my 2 o'clock?
Dr. Gregory House: Over there!
Dr. Wilson: At least I try.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, as long as you're trying to be good, tu can do whatever tu want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, tu can say whatever tu want.
Dr. Gregory House: So between us we can do anything. We can rule the world!
Dr. Wilson: Billionaires buy movie studios to get laid. They buy hospitals to get respect.
Dr. Gregory House: And the reason tu want respect?
Dr. Wilson: To... get laid.
Dr. Wilson: [paraphrasing House's frequent quote] "Everybody lies"... except *politicians*? House, I believe tu are a romantic. tu didn't just believe him, tu believed in him. tu wanna come over tonight and watch old cine and *cry*?
[pauses, points]
Dr. Wilson: Dr. Cameron's getting to you. Well, I guess tu can't be around that much *niceness* and not get any on tu
Dr. Gregory House: Is that why tu haven't put the moves on her?
Dr. Wilson: What makes tu think I *haven't* put the moves on her?
Dr. Gregory House: [Stops and stares]
Dr. Wilson: [points] Oh.
[he's onto something big]
Dr. Wilson: [whispers] Oh *boy*! You're in trouble.
Dr. Wilson: Even I don't like you!
Dr. Gregory House: Words can hurt tu know.
Dr. Wilson: Oh, this is where I give tu consejos and pretend tu are going listen to it, I amor this part.
Dr. Wilson: You're not going to be happy with anyone.
Dr. Gregory House: So, what, your consejos is... hire someone I'm not happy with and be happy?
Dr. Wilson: No, my consejos is much más subtle. Stop being an ass. tu always find some tiny little flaw to push people away.
Dr. Gregory House: Now it's people. I thought we were talking about fellowship applicants.
Dr. Wilson: tu have a history of this.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, when I do decide to push tu away, I hope there's a small person kneeling behind tu so tu fall down and hurt your head.
Dr. Wilson: I forgot: I need a reason to give a crap.
House MD: You're giving two craps.
Dr. Wilson: The metric system always confuses me.
Dr. Wilson: She was uncomfortable doing any más tests! I had to convince her to do that one!
House MD: Do tu get that often? Women would rather die than get naked with you?
Dr. Wilson: tu are uniquely talented in many areas, but office politics is not one of them.
House MD: Morning, Jimmy! Anybody die while I was gone?
Dr. Wilson: Did... Did tu iron your shirt?
House MD: I thought about shaving it, but I couldn't find a razor.
[Dr. Wilson is examining House MD's leg with the MRI]
Dr. Wilson: House, this is God.
House MD: Look, I'm a little busy right now. Not supposed to talk during these things. Got time Thursday?
Dr. Wilson: Let me check. Oh! I got a plague. What about Friday?
House MD: You'll have to check with Cameron.
Dr. Wilson: Oh! Damn it! She always wants to know why bad things happen. Like I'm gonna come up with a new answer this time.
[Cuddy bursts in]
Dr. Cuddy: House...
House MD: Quick God, smite the evil witch!
Dr. Cuddy: Are tu sitting on evidence that your patient was sexually abused por her father?
House MD: God, why have tu forsaken me?
Dr. Wilson: They could build monuments to your self-centeredness.
House MD: He is not a saint. He figures out what's going on in people's lives por watching, listening, deducing...
Dr. Wilson: And you're worried about trademark infringement?
DR. WILSON: She's looking to connect with you, and that's what's scaring the hell out of you. Tell her the truth.
HOUSE MD: There is no truth.
DR. WILSON: Are we role-playing? Am I you? I don't wanna be you.
HOUSE MD: Ah, if it isn’t Dr. “I had no friends when I was growing up, so all I did was watch TV por myself which is why I can now make pop cultural references which no one understands but me.”
DR. WILSON: That’s my name, don’t wear it out.
DR. WILSON [to House]: I'm not getting sucked into the vortex of your insanity again.
DR. WILSON (responding to House grabbing half his emparedado, sándwich de without asking.): Is it possible for tu to just watch me eat. o do tu get some primeval thrill out of beating the other hunters to the food?
Dr. Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.
Dr. Gregory House: Thank you. It was either that o get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.
Dr. Wilson: [Wilson is quoting a poem from a patient of House's] 'The healer with his magic powers! / I could rub his gentle brow for hours. / His manly chest, his stubbled jaw, / Everything about him leaves me raw-'
Dr. Gregory House: Psych ward's upstairs.
Dr. Wilson: -with joy. Oh, House your very name / Will never leave this girl the same.' It's not bad for an 82-year-old. She asked me to give that to her true love.
Dr. Gregory House: What can I say? Chicks with no teeth turn me on.
Dr. Wilson: That's fairly disgusting.
Dr. Gregory House: That's ageism.
Dr. Wilson: tu better watch yourself around this babe.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [approaching with two young-looking female interns] Dr. House!
Dr. Gregory House: Time for Girl Scout galletas already?
Dr. Wilson: Get me some Thin Mints.
Dr. Gregory House: tu bastard. tu invited my parents to dinner.
Dr. Wilson: Geez, Cameron's got a big mouth.
Dr. Gregory House: Ha! Not as big as yours.
Dr. Wilson: Hey, tu used me to avoid seeing your parents.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, what do tu care?
Dr. Wilson: I don't. I just thought it might be interesting to find out why.
Dr. Gregory House: tu could have just asked.
Dr. Wilson: tu would have lied.
Dr. Gregory House: And tu would have believed me. Which would have kept us both happy. Do tu want your money back, is that what this is about?
Dr. Wilson: No! Wait, what? Have tu got the money?
[House starts to write check]
Dr. Wilson: If tu have the money, then why did tu need the loan?
Dr. Gregory House: I didn't. I just wanted to see if you'd give it to me. I've been borrowing increasing amounts ever since tu lent me forty dollars a año ago. A little experiment to see where you'd draw the line.
Dr. Wilson: You're - you're trying to objectively measure how much I value our friendship?
Dr. Gregory House: That's five grand, you've got nothing to be ashamed of. So what do tu say, one little phone call, one big check?
Dr. Wilson: Fine.
[takes check]
Dr. Wilson: Thanks.
[gets in car]
Dr. Wilson: Now, be a grownup and either tell mommy and daddy tu don't want to see them o I'm picking tu up at 7:00 for dinner.
Dr. Gregory House: What do tu mean? tu just said...
Dr. Wilson: I lied. I've been lying to tu in increasing amounts ever since I told tu tu look good unshaved a año ago. It's a little experiment, tu know, to see where you'd draw the line.
Dr. Wilson: I am so tired of this.
[pause]
Dr. Wilson: Did tu know that the new nurse from cardiology is sleeping with that weird lawyer from the board?
Dr. Gregory House: The guy with eleven fingers?
Dr. Wilson: He has eleven fingers?
Dr. Gregory House: How do tu not notice that?
Dr. Wilson: The nurse used to be a man.
Dr. Gregory House: [guessing] She's not anymore.
Dr. Wilson: But we can't talk about that.
Dr. Gregory House: I thought we were.
Dr. Wilson: We were supposed to talk about that. I came here to talk about that, but on the way up, I ran into Cameron. You've got a CIPA patient.
Dr. Gregory House: [thinks] ... tranny nurse is más interesting.
Dr. Wilson: Oh, it's WAY más interesting. But instead, I've gotta be your damn conscience. I'm tired of being your conscience. I don't enjoy being your conscience...
Dr. Gregory House: No one enjoys it...
Dr. Wilson: You're studying her.
Dr. Gregory House: She's actually sick.
Dr. Wilson: Which tu found out after tu took her on.
Dr. Gregory House: I was curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous.
Dr. Wilson: I don't think that metaphor was designed to actually warn cats. tu don't care about her illness, tu care about CIPA - which means your focus is gonna be on getting your answers, not hers.
Dr. Gregory House: Thank you. Forewarned is forearmed.
Dr. Wilson: What do tu think you're gonna figure out? tu think... her lack of pain is somehow the answer to your pain.
Dr. Gregory House: I think... if you'd stop talking to Cameron, then right now we could be ranking nurses in order of doability.
Dr. Gregory House: Fine. I'll ask one of my other friends.
Dr. Wilson: Huh...
Dr. Gregory House: What? You're saying I've only got one friend?
Dr. Wilson: Uh... and... who...?
Dr. Gregory House: Kevin. In bookkeeping.
Dr. Wilson: Okay, well, first of all, his name's Karl...
Dr. Gregory House: I call him Kevin. It's his secret friendship club name.
Dr. Wilson: [to House] Trying to win Stacy back por killing an animal. Very caveman.
Dr. Gregory House: Trouble in paradise. 2 o'clock.
Dr. Wilson: Wait, your 2 o'clock o my 2 o'clock?
Dr. Gregory House: Over there!
Dr. Wilson: At least I try.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, as long as you're trying to be good, tu can do whatever tu want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, tu can say whatever tu want.
Dr. Gregory House: So between us we can do anything. We can rule the world!
Dr. Wilson: Billionaires buy movie studios to get laid. They buy hospitals to get respect.
Dr. Gregory House: And the reason tu want respect?
Dr. Wilson: To... get laid.
Dr. Wilson: [paraphrasing House's frequent quote] "Everybody lies"... except *politicians*? House, I believe tu are a romantic. tu didn't just believe him, tu believed in him. tu wanna come over tonight and watch old cine and *cry*?
[pauses, points]
Dr. Wilson: Dr. Cameron's getting to you. Well, I guess tu can't be around that much *niceness* and not get any on tu
Dr. Gregory House: Is that why tu haven't put the moves on her?
Dr. Wilson: What makes tu think I *haven't* put the moves on her?
Dr. Gregory House: [Stops and stares]
Dr. Wilson: [points] Oh.
[he's onto something big]
Dr. Wilson: [whispers] Oh *boy*! You're in trouble.
Dr. Wilson: Even I don't like you!
Dr. Gregory House: Words can hurt tu know.
Dr. Wilson: Oh, this is where I give tu consejos and pretend tu are going listen to it, I amor this part.
Dr. Wilson: You're not going to be happy with anyone.
Dr. Gregory House: So, what, your consejos is... hire someone I'm not happy with and be happy?
Dr. Wilson: No, my consejos is much más subtle. Stop being an ass. tu always find some tiny little flaw to push people away.
Dr. Gregory House: Now it's people. I thought we were talking about fellowship applicants.
Dr. Wilson: tu have a history of this.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, when I do decide to push tu away, I hope there's a small person kneeling behind tu so tu fall down and hurt your head.
Dr. Wilson: I forgot: I need a reason to give a crap.
House MD: You're giving two craps.
Dr. Wilson: The metric system always confuses me.
Dr. Wilson: She was uncomfortable doing any más tests! I had to convince her to do that one!
House MD: Do tu get that often? Women would rather die than get naked with you?
Dr. Wilson: tu are uniquely talented in many areas, but office politics is not one of them.
House MD: Morning, Jimmy! Anybody die while I was gone?
Dr. Wilson: Did... Did tu iron your shirt?
House MD: I thought about shaving it, but I couldn't find a razor.
[Dr. Wilson is examining House MD's leg with the MRI]
Dr. Wilson: House, this is God.
House MD: Look, I'm a little busy right now. Not supposed to talk during these things. Got time Thursday?
Dr. Wilson: Let me check. Oh! I got a plague. What about Friday?
House MD: You'll have to check with Cameron.
Dr. Wilson: Oh! Damn it! She always wants to know why bad things happen. Like I'm gonna come up with a new answer this time.
[Cuddy bursts in]
Dr. Cuddy: House...
House MD: Quick God, smite the evil witch!
Dr. Cuddy: Are tu sitting on evidence that your patient was sexually abused por her father?
House MD: God, why have tu forsaken me?
Dr. Wilson: They could build monuments to your self-centeredness.
House MD: He is not a saint. He figures out what's going on in people's lives por watching, listening, deducing...
Dr. Wilson: And you're worried about trademark infringement?
DR. WILSON: She's looking to connect with you, and that's what's scaring the hell out of you. Tell her the truth.
HOUSE MD: There is no truth.
DR. WILSON: Are we role-playing? Am I you? I don't wanna be you.
HOUSE MD: Ah, if it isn’t Dr. “I had no friends when I was growing up, so all I did was watch TV por myself which is why I can now make pop cultural references which no one understands but me.”
DR. WILSON: That’s my name, don’t wear it out.
DR. WILSON [to House]: I'm not getting sucked into the vortex of your insanity again.
DR. WILSON (responding to House grabbing half his emparedado, sándwich de without asking.): Is it possible for tu to just watch me eat. o do tu get some primeval thrill out of beating the other hunters to the food?