Walter White and all his cash!
The process of breaking bad is full of trial and error. Walter White transformed from a mild-mannered, well-coiffed high school chemistry teacher into a terrifying, internationally-renowned bald drug lord in only five seasons—we should cut him some slack. But that doesn't mean that we can't learn from his mistakes. Here are six places Walter White shouldn't have hidden his money—and some much better tricks tu can use to keep your money safe.

FIRST SCORE IN THE HEATING VENT

You'd think that, with all he gave up to get it, Walt would have taken better care of his first batch of money—but sadly, you'd be wrong. First he put it in a heating vent, where it got blown all over the place. After that, he stowed it behind the basement insulation (sure, he's got cancer already, but that stuff's pure asbestos! The rest of us want to smell our money without risking death). There's got to be a better way.

TRY THIS INSTEAD: muro SAFES

Hiding something in a muro vent seems sneaky up until tu realize that anyone can break in (including, say, air). But a vent-shaped safe, with reinforced hinges and a combination lock, will keep everyone out of your stash.

FORTY-SEVEN GRAND IN THE VACUUM CLEANER

If tu missed the pre-season-2 Minisodes, take five minutos and watch "The Break-In"—it's the funniest of the bunch. After Skylar sells an old vacuum cleaner in which Walt has hidden $47,000 of drug money, Walt recruits tejón to help get it back. This short is chock full of link—for example, never keep the key under the mat!—but the most important is probably this: don't hide anything in a vacuum cleaner.

TRY THIS INSTEAD: DIVERSION SAFES

As a hiding place, vacuums suck—even if yours doesn't get sold out from under you, it'll chop your cash to smithereens the segundo someone turns it on. Luckily, your inicial is full of other ordinary objects that do make great link. Check out these lifehacks from Simple Dollar for some fresh ideas (we particularly like the cat litter trick). Even better, invest in a diversion safe—they look like soda cans, CD cases, o flowerpots, but have hidden compartments for your valuables. Some, like these hollow books, even have combination locks (bonus: no incriminating inscriptions).

CASH IN THE CRAWLSPACE

por Season 4, Skyler has undergone her own criminal transformation—into a first-class money launderer. One of her bright ideas? Storing the excess cash in a crawlspace beneath the White house. It works fine—until Walter and Skyler, in last-ditch efforts to save the family, each promise the whole haul to different people. Whoops. At least she didn't use it all to buy turkey bacon.

TRY THIS INSTEAD: SECRET ALERTS

In order keep a better eye on his money, Walt should sign up for a inicial security system that tells him whenever someone else tries to touch it. If he set up a sensor at the crawlspace entrance, he would get a handy link anytime someone tried to access it, giving him plenty of time to rectify the situation. He could then order as many hits as he needed with complete peace of mind. A win for the Whites — but a loss for Breaking Bad fans, who would have missed out on the best flip-out in televisión history.

STACKS IN THE STORAGE UNIT

por the time Season 5 rolls around, there's EVEN más money—way too much to fit inside any nook, cranny, electrical appliance, o weird house addition. So Skyler starts keeping it in a storage unit, gently dehumidified and tucked under a sheet. It even doubles as a bed, so Walt could sleep there siguiente time he gets kicked out of the house.

TRY THIS INSTEAD: A HIGH-INTEREST BANK ACCOUNT

A storage unit is great if you're trying to get your drug dealer husband to cool his jets a little por physically mostrando him that he's made "more money than we could spend in ten lifetimes." But if you're hiding your legally-gotten gains (as we hope tu are), you'd do better to just put your money in the bank—maybe in a CD if tu don't plan on touching it for a while. It will get interest, and tu won't have to worry about Storage Wars snoops, crooked henchmen, o silverfish.

LIFE SAVINGS IN BARRELS IN THE DESERT

What did Walt do when he could no longer put his trust in the storage unit? Like any good Ozymandias, he turned to the desert. After a night spent burying barrels of his bounty deep in the sand, he left the geographical coordinates for his family to find, hidden in plain sight on a lottery ticket. Bets are on as to whether they ever get any of it—or, if they don't, who does.

TRY THIS INSTEAD: seguro MONEY TRANSFER

If tu want to get money to someone safely and quietly, an online transfer is way better than Ed the vacuum salesman. tu can wire money from bank to bank, buy an online money order, o use an e-commerce payment service like Dwolla, which has a small flat fee of 25 cents per transaction. If tu really want to be untraceable, try Bitcoins. Any of these options is legal, discrete, and efficient. And way less sandy.

BILLS ALL OVER PEOPLES' BACKYARDS

As nutty as Walt seems for squirreling his nest egg away in the desert, Jesse does him one better por throwing his share all over the street. tu know you're not making wise financial decisions when a homeless dude won't take your money.

TRY THIS INSTEAD: PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING ELSE

This is not a solid hiding place, investment strategy, o charitable giving technique. No matter how sad tu are, just don't do it. Don't throw it in your pool, either.

Got any más tips for stashing your cash? Share in the comments!
His options are running out