Cannot Remake Without Suffering

On the 21st of June 2007, my best friend killed himself. He shot himself in the head after suffering from depression for what he dicho was 'as long as i can remember'. I'd known the guy from when i was three and i miss him like the devil. He was called Joe Spencer Garrard. But for the last few years he dropped the spencer bit, (his bastard dads name). I grew up with the guy and was with him on the last day. Hence i feel almightly responcible, and i know people have told me there is nothing i could have done but i do. As we grew up together we used to play out in the woods alot, Joe was an out...

So, basically,if ive had to describe myself, im a 15 año old guy. I Know and always knew that i was attracted to women, but when i was around 9 years old, i got a new friend, and i started to kinda like touching him and all.
I was always using every occasion to hold his hand,
touch his hair and all. Then one day, we had a sleepover
and i just suggested to like try out doing gays, just to see how it is. he agreed, just to try it out, but for me, it was kinda like heaven, we were kissing, and i had plenty oportunities to be as close to him as possible. But he didnt really like it that much, which...